I can tell.

Packing up and moving on

2010-04-21T06:05:00.003-06:00

Hi, ya'll! I have finally moved the blog over to Wordpress, where it can be friends with the Couple Blog (www.sabrinaandjaryn.wordpress.com) and live happily ever after. :) Go there!

www.buttegirl.wordpress.com

She Shoots She Scores

2010-03-10T23:42:00.014-07:00

Hi guys! It has been a ridiculously long time since I updated, and for that I sincerely apologize. It's not like I've been terribly busy, I was just having a hard time finding things to write about. Jaryn and I have started a "Couple Blog" (or Coupre Brog, if you speak Engrishee) over at www.sabrinaandjaryn.wordpress.com and we took some heat for our posts about education. Apparently, pointing out differences in Korean and American education makes us racist. Ugh. Whatever. So I've been reluctant to post what I'm thinking, since Korea, while definitely not hell, isn't exactly the land of rainbows and sunshine either, and I'm pretty open with my opinions.

I have a list next to me of the "Top 20 Confusing Things About SoKo I Will Never Understand," but I don't feel comfortable posting that quite yet. I don't understand why despite the amount of bleach I use, my bathroom drain still smells like something Neville Longbottom f'ed up in Potions class. Does that make me racist? Really? Anyway...

Jaryn recently expressed an interest in watching and understanding hockey, because he has picked up on the fact that hockey is pretty freaking important to the girlfriend. While sending him the link to "How Hockey Works" I realized that hockey and Korea have a lot in common. No, seriously. Seriously. Just read it.

Top Ten Ways South Korea is Like Hockey, Eh:

10. Have you ever been to an NHL game? It. Is. LOUD. Have you ever been to a grade school in Korea? Huh? *hand to ear* WHAT? You'll have to yell your answer over the 36 hysterical children hitting each other with pencil cases... Blogger won't let me post photos in the right place, so that photo up there is what my classroom looks like. I should really try to capture some audio...

9. Only 2.4% of the population of Seoul is foreign-born, and Seoul is the place to go for foreigners. In the rest of Korea, the number is significantly lower. This means that if you have say, I dunno, orange hair and blue eyes, you stick out like - I can't even think of a better simile. You stick out like a girl of Irish descent surrounded by 50 million Asians. As NHL.com informs me, on the HOCKEY IS FOR EVERYONE portion of their website, "Of the 33 minority players on starting rosters, 16 are black, 7 are Native/Aboriginal, 4 are Asian, 4 are Hispanic, 1 is Inuit, and 1 is South Asian/Indian." There are 974 players in the NHL, and 33 starters are of minority descent. Hockey and Korea are ridiculously homogenous.

8. When you go see a hockey game, and you get hungry or thirsty, you are confronted by a whole bunch of stalls that sell, essentially, the same 5 things. And there's A LOT of beer involved. When you get hungry in Korea, you're confronted by thousands of restaurants that sell, essentially, the same 5 things. And there's A LOT of beer and soju involved. At least it's cheap.

7. Ah, it's time for "The Great One." I adore you, Mr. Gretzky. Did you know that Wayne holds 61 records? They changed the Hall of Fame rules for this guy. Dude is badass. Korea has their equivalent of Gretzky.... the Joseon Emperor. Pretty much everything is credited to the Joseon Dynasty, which existed from 1392-1897. You may have invented bulletproof vests and been able to accurately predict astronomical phenomena, Korea, but how's your slapshot?

6. If you're in Canada, and you make the poor choice of telling someone you're not really into hockey, there's a high likelihood that the Canuck to whom you're speaking will look at you like you just suggested poutine is not magical. (It is, by the way.) If you're in Korea, and you tell Koreans that (honestly, despite your best efforts, and trying it every day for 4 months) you don't really like kimchi, it's like you just suggested that rotting vegetables in shrimp sauce doesn't taste good. Cause that's what you just did. National pride is a pretty big deal.

5. Brutish behaviors are rampant in both hockey and Korea. The difference is that if you push someone without cause in the NHL, it's called a penalty, and in SoKo, it's called a normal Wednesday escalator ride. I have dug deeper, and made more comparisons for your enjoyment. If you live here too, I urge you to carry a whistle and call these when you see them. Roughing: occurs when a foreigner tries to exit an elevator before the Koreans have. High Sticking: when an umbrella-wielding ajuma ("auntie") nearly removes your eye/nose ring/teeth with the pokie things on the ends. Too Many Men on the Ice: when riding the subway becomes a very intimate experience and you can count the pores on a stranger's face. Checking: in the NHL, it's a push, in Korea, it's that intense inspection look you get, like you're going to rob a bank at any moment. Icing: When a girl in 5 inch heels (who's probably wearing shorts and tights, in February, mind you) clutches to her boyfriend like a drunken sailor because she can't walk in the snow.

4. In 1955, Maurice "The Rocket" Richard pretty much attacked a linesmen from the opposing team in Quebec. The non-French-Canadian head of the league suspended the very-French-Canadian Richard (it's pronounced "Ri-SHARD) and the public was outraged. Have you ever seen French people upset? The Richard Riot, as it's called, must have been a doozy. In September of 2009, a Korean-American character by the name of JaeBom was dismissed from the incredibly sassy boyband 2PM for comments he made on his MySpace, suggesting that Korea is not all sunshine and rainbows. Twelve-year old girls were crying in the streets. See? Hockey and Korea both have ridiculous, ethnically-fueled riots. That one was a stretch.

3. Have you ever smelled a hockey player right after a game that went into double-overtime? Have you ever walked down a Korean street, past a Juk (porridge) restaurant on garbage day? (Remember, there's no such thing as a dumpster here. Trash gets piled next to streetlights and columns.) Breathe deep, ya'll.

2. A lot of people don't like to watch hockey on TV because it "goes too fast" and they can't keep an eye on the puck. It's a quick game, for sure. As "the Korean" from www.askakorean.blogspot.com points out (freaking brilliant blog by the way), "In 1962, per capita GDP of Korea was $87. Forty-five years later in 2007, per capita GDP of Korea was $24,783." Korea went from bombed-out hellhole to having one of the top 15 economies in the world in a very short time. Everything here moves so quickly! Jaryn and I like to joke, whilst walking past a new construction site, that we should come back in 20 minutes to see the finished product. It moves like *snap* that!

1. Despite how nutty they are, (dudes with sticks? on iceskates? No helmet law until the 70s? Red lights are optional? Peanut butter-ed squid snack? Size 8 = obese?) I honestly love both hockey and Korea. The sheer insanity makes me appreciate them more. They truly make me happy.

I'll try to write more often, ya'll... I've been here for 9 months (ohmygod!) and I'll be back in June/July, so I need to pack in as much kimchi-riddled goodness as I can, while I can. Thanks for reading!

Today's Lesson: When you're doing tricep dips at the gym, make sure the bench that's behind you, that you're putting your weight on, is stable. Otherwise, you could fall flat on your ass in front of 10 Korean men.

It was funny.

Pilgrim Brina

2009-11-25T22:29:00.004-07:00

Hi, ya'll. Happy Thanksgiving! I am celebrating by sitting in my freezing office. Later, I will teach some kids to say "I like apples" for the 200th time. Then, I will make some potatoes and eat them by myself. Can you tell that I miss home a little? What are your plans?

I tried to explain American Thanksgiving to my 6th graders, and with the aid of a whiteboard, stick man pilgrims, and a very post-impressionist imagining of Massachusetts, I think I got through to a few of them. It helped that July was there to explain all of my excited scribbles in Korean.

A couple of years ago, I had the pleasure of visiting Cape Cod and the Massachusetts coast; I went to the Plymouth Plantation Museum and got to go aboard an accurate replica of the Mayflower. For a history nerd like me, that was pretty badass. I used my experience to help explain Thanksgiving to the kids... if you've never heard 36 Korean children attempt to pronounce "Wampanoag Tribe," I recommend you find a way to do that. Also suggested for prnounciation: "Scarves and gloves" and "Miss Holland."

So, as I was reflecting on the 1620 expedition the English made to my (much-missed) colonial homeland, I realized that there are more than a few things in common between the Wampanoag/Puritan interactions and those between Sabrina/Great MostHonor Glory South Korea. It's a stretch, I know, but as a teacher, I get paid big bucks for establishing connections between art/literature/history and life. *snicker*

These are Ten Similarities Between the First Thanksgiving and Sabrina's SoKo Adventures:

10. Did you know that the Pilgrims were aiming for what is now Virginia when they came to what is now America? Virginia is a lot warmer than Massachusetts. But whoops! They ended up in Provincetown Harbor. When Sabrina decided to leave America (special thanks to the election of Obama) there were choices to be made. I was originally aiming for Scotland or England or Canada or Germany, but I ended up in South Korea. This has been worked out rather well for both the Pilgrims and myself. Sometimes whoopsies turn into hoorays.

9. The Pilgrims were on the Mayflower for 66 days before they landed in Cape Cod. I was on a plane for like 17 frickin hours. See? Same same.

8. After 66 days at sea, the Pilgrims probably got to know each other pretty well. They were, literally, all in the same boat. But as they established themselves in my beautiful homeland, they probably drifted away from some of their boatmates, yeah? Yeah. When native English teachers move to Korea, they end up befriending people because of geography and communication. They're figuratively in the same boat, so connections are established quickly. But as I can verify, and one establishes oneself, some of those connections fall away. And this can be a good thing; friendships should probably be based on more than proximity.

7. I wonder if somebody told the Pilgrims that America was the land of milk and honey; that existence would be simple, fulfilling, and much like England. And I hope that the Pilgrims punched whoever that somebody was in the face. When pondering my move to Korea, I was told a few things that are untrue: schools are similar to America! Your teaching degree and experience will be beneficial! The food is amazing and you'll be in heaven as a vegetarian! It smells good! Hmmmm. *raises fist*

6. The Pilgrims landed near Provincetown because they were out of beer. True story. Sometimes when I drink Korean beer, I ponder how much nicer it would be to be trapped on a boat for 66 days and then exist with modest shelter in a foreign, frozen land. It's bad, guys.

5. The Pilgrims must have had some idea what they were in for, because they packed all kinds of useful things on their giant boat (except enough beer! *smacks head*) . But when they got to MA, they were baffled. They struggled to grow English plants, to cultivate native plants, build shelter out of the available wood supply, etc. Same with Sabrina, ya'll. I packed all kinds of shiz, and then got here and was baffled and had to figure out a million things. Most of my clothes were useless. I should have brought more shoes. And customs be damned, I should have brought beer.

4. Because this is sounding a little negative, I feel that I should point out that this 1620 adventure business turned out pretty well in the end, with the notable exceptions of Native American physical/cultural decimation and that whole witch trial business. I think we're all thankful that, even though there were numerous bumps along the way, America was colonized. And even though I whine a lot and get frustrated sometimes, at the end of the day, I'm ridiculously happy that I am here. When I look back at the end of the day and at the end of my year here, I am and I will be incredibly thankful.

3. When the Pilgrims and the Wampanoags sat down for that first dinner, I bet they were pretty confused. They probably whispered things to their friends like, "Where the hell do I sit?" "How do I get that bean/squash thing onto my plate?" "Is it acceptable to pour out some mead for my dead homies?" etc. Manners clearly vary from culture to culture. I was baffled about Korean manners when I got here, but have now learned to give and receive with both hands, pour for others, and not put chopsticks up my nose. Hopefully I can introduce the practices of noiseless gum chewing and covering one's sneezes to Korea.

2. Speaking of that first dinner, what do you think everyone thought of the food? The Native Americans of the area cultivated corn, beans, squash, nuts, etc. I bet the Pilgrims, while used to boiled sausages, boiled potatoes, and boiled vegetables in their homeland (mmmmm...English food!) were very thankful for the food given to them by the Wampanoag. But I bet some of them didn't like it. Same here, ya'll. I'm thankful to have the opportunity to try all of this weird stuff, and Koreans are really hospitable, but it's just not... it's not for me. Kimchi is uh, almost too good, so... yeah, you can just keep it.

1. When you really think about it, it's pretty amazing that the Pilgrims made that long, scary, arduous journey, arrived here with some of them still alive, established homesites, and managed to thrive. Wow. They arrived in December, and half of those who survived the voyage were dead by spring. If they can manage that, I can probably get through a year in Korea, eh? All I have to deal with is crappy beer, kimchi, an underwhelming job, and a two-hour daily commute. Comparatively, my life is a piece of kimchi cake.

So, at the end of the day, I'm a thankful girl. I am thankful for this opportunity, for my family, for Callie, for the fact that Korean customs folks overlook packages of macaroni and cheese, for the availability of American Vogue, for my guitar, for electric blankets, for super happy Korean children, Everland, and my coteacher. And I am ridiculously thankful for Jaryn. My fellow American and I are looking forward to an excellent Christmas together.

Go draw an outline of your hand and make it a turkey.

Today's Lesson: even if you are from America and are a native English speaker, some Korean children will continually correct you when you speak of eating turkey. "Not turkey, Sabrina Teacher! Eating turkey? Americans are eating of the CHICKEN!!!" They will shake their heads at your lack of knowledge, the little Yodas.

WTK?!

2009-11-04T21:27:00.004-07:00

WTK is my new favorite expression that I made up. It means "What the Kimchi?!" I say it when things in Korea baffle the shit out of me. As you can imagine, I say it frequently, and sometimes while I am even trying to consume kimchi. I should also note that I have begun to use "kimchi" as an all purpose swear word, because it is that awful. I may have even yelled it when I broke my toe.

I thought that after a few months (sidenote: Brina has been in Korea for 5 months, ya'll. 5! When did that happen?) things would get less bizarre, and I would be less and less confused by the most honor great nation glory Rep. of Korea. Alas, I was clearly mistaken. Things get weirder every day, and make less and less sense. Here are...

Ten things in my life right now that are baffling:

10. When the bus or the subway is filling up with people, I'm usually one of the last people to get a seat-mate, for whatever reason. Maybe foreigners are scary; I am the ginger sasquatch, after all. Anyway, when I do get a seat-mate, it's never the nice girl who appears to be my age, clean, and disinterested in what I am doing. Oh no... it's the soju'd up, 60 year-old dude in a fishing vest. Always. And me fiddling with my iPod is suddenly the most interesting thing in all of Korea.

9. Do you know what a "sick day' is? Can you do me a favor and tell my school? Because the vice principal was pissed that I had to take a day off when I broke my toe. I couldn't walk from my bed to the door, let alone to the bus terminal and then to school. I was informed that I should come to school, and that sick days must be approved of 2 weeks in advance by the principal. WTK? I stayed home and put kimchi on my foot since it apparently cures everything.

8. Dumpsters can be a beautiful thing. I understand that walking around SoKo is kind of like a video game, in that one has to avoid the piles of trash heaped at the bases of buildings/lightposts/bridges, and that getting dumpsters would take that joy (and some of the smell) away, but I think I will give you a dumpster for Christmas. To: Seoul, From: Sabrina. *hugs!*

7. If your Halloween costume implies that you have sex for money, people will think that you have sex for money on other days of the year, too. Do you not understand this, naughty whatever-the-hell's you were? How about don't be a skank? Just write it on your hand in case you forget. And if you doubt that you can show a tasteful amount of skin, still be adorable, and not have to be a total hobag on Halloween, I offer exhibit A. --------> See? Even though Jaryn dresses like a skank almost every day, he managed to class it up a little for Halloween.

6. Masks. Ugh. Korea is swine flu crazy, and to "prevent" the spread, lots and lots of people here are wearing masks, despite the fact that they are one of the most ineffective ways to prevent disease. Here are some thoughts from Dr. Sabrina: 1) How about don't share twenty tiny bowls of food between everyone at your table and poke your just-licked chopsticks in the communal dishes? 2) How about wash things with HOT WATER? 3.) How about if you're going to wear a mask, make sure it covers your nose? 4) How about COVER YOUR FREAKING FACE when you sneeze or cough? I'm not making this up, ya'll. This stuff happens.

5. Due to the swine flu, a lot of schools around here closed for a bit, including mine. But that doesn't mean what you think it does. It means that the kids didn't have to come to school, but that the teachers did. For days and days, I sat in my freezing classroom with nothing to do. I got paid to knit. Eventually they told me I could use a couple of my holiday days and spared me the 2 hour commute to the empty school.

4. I've seen a few more ridiculous shirts lately... surprise. These are awesome in their bafflement. Highlights include this gem (yes, that says GIRLIE BAR. Yes, she's 10.) and a 4th grade girl wearing a Sapporo shirt today (that's a beer.) Also of note, a CAPTAIN PAPA shirt, one that said WHO THE F*** IS MICK JAGGER? and one that said simply DIAMONDS SCANDAL!

3. If you're looking for weird behavior, an ideal place to go in Korea, just like in America, is the bus terminal. Within the past few weeks I have seen: a man walking around with a plastic bag tied around one of his feet, a possibly drunk woman fall violently asleep upon my boyfriend, a brass grenade for sale, a broccoli-themed handbag, several Jehovah's Witnesses, and two foreigners carrying a pumpkin (oh wait! That was Jaryn and me!)

2. Men get perms here! Did they not learn a lesson from when my dad did that in like 1975? The perm heard round the world? It was tragic, people.

1. I am consistenly amazed and confused by the fact that I am in love. When I see Jaryn, it's like getting hit by a big sparkly MACK truck that instead of leaving you injured gives you superpowers.

I promise I'll update more often... I am a busy girl. Tomorrow I am going to Gyeongsan, and then back to the beach in Busan for Jaryn's birthday! I will have plenty to write about my adventures, I am sure.

Oh! Also, if you would like a slightly different perspective on teaching in Korea, but can't imagine reading about it unless there are pictures of and references to Sabrina involved, please check out Jaryn's blog: www.jaryn-timetofacemylife.blogspot.com

Today's Lesson: if the goalie who pretty much singlehandedly kept you out of the playoffs and who is inexplicably still on your roster this year manages to get swine flu, take it as a sign and don't ever play him again and just let Craig Anderson be amazing. Thanks, Avs. Love you!

Sabrina Taps Her Nose. Again.

2009-10-12T22:16:00.012-06:00

You know what it means when I do that, right? I am THINKING. I have been avoiding the blog a little because so many things are happening in my life, and I'm not sure how to convey it all. So I'm tapping my nose and I'm trying to figure out how to write it down. Can I just tell you about all of the awesome stuff already? Here we go:

Ten excellent occurences in Korea since last time we spoke:

Oh! Before you start reading, I offer the disclaimer that I'm ridiculously happy with my relationship, and a lot of the following involves me gushing and blushing and twirling my dress around, preparing to skip. Jaryn is great. Deal with it. :)

10. As my friend Cecilia pointed out, you're not really dating someone in Korea unless you have sticker pictures. Good call! Whilst visiting Everland (more on that later) Jaryn and I managed to get this done. Are you familiar with photo booths? Because in Korea, sticker pictures are like photo booths that go to 11. You pick a bunch of poses and formats, take the pictures, then go outside the machine and edit them and add glitter (whee!) and hearts and all kinds of crazy shit. I need to find a way to share these... One set involves me pouring wine into a cup that's already full... of Jaryn! And in one, I'm selecting his head from a claw machine. Oh! And we could not figure the damn machine out... a nice Korean Everland worker helped us out, and came back to give us a stuffed heart that said "LOVE" on it. We were rewarded for being foreign idiots. :) As of the time the stickers popped out of the machine, Jaryn officially became my boyfriend. *stamp noise*

9. The weekend after Korean reeducation camp/teacher training, I went to Daegu/Gyeongsan, because that's where, for some stupid reason, Jaryn lives (it's like 3 hours away.) The highlights of this trip were visiting the Daegu Museum, watching Jaryn eat butterfly larva (yeah, how appetizing does that look?), and getting incredibly lost in downtown Daegu.

8. Chuseok is the Korean Thanksgiving. Everyone gets a week off of school, except for Sabrina, who had to teach a couple of days of English camp. I am using this as an intro to update you on school. It's fine. *shrug.*

7. Ah, number 7 is the trip to Daegu/Gyeongsan/Shit City that I just returned from. I left on Friday and got back yesterday. The highlights of this trip include Canadian food, a freaking Bloody Mary, public spooning between Asian/non-Asian middle-aged men, salted soap, finding hideous presents for Callie, getting a balloon sword from an Asian cell-phone clown, drinking tequila out of a plastic bag, accidentally clawing Jaryn's face while yelling about fruit salad, and numbers 6.5, 4, and 2.

6. We went to the bus terminal (bus-ah terminar in Engrish) on Sunday to procure my ticket back to YongIn. I have never ever had an issue with bus tickets. I got there early, and the lady informed me that they were sold out. Excuse me? I had to frantically (pranticarry in Engrish) phone July and the principal... I had to miss school yesterday! I was freaking out, because Sabrina doesn't do that, and I was worried, and then I looked at Jaryn and he asked, "You have to stay another night?" with the biggest grin ever and it was ok.

5. Maybe I should just get it over with and write a "Top 5834 Reasons Jaryn is Super" blog, but instead, I'll keep throwing in references. This Saturday, we went to the Daegu Colorful Festival on the riverbank in Daegu. It wasn't bad at all... we got free beer and got our picture taken by a random Asian man, blah blah blah. The best part was when we were going by the accordion band (I was going to try to describe, but I'll just throw in this picture) and Jaryn grabbed me. We have a joke about how "our song" is this nightmarish accordion disaster we heard in a cab once, and in the interest of being romantic and maintaining our accordion affinity, we danced. Yes, two Americans slow danced along the riverbank, to accordion music, while a kazillion Koreans rushed past us. It was wonderful.

4. Jaryn bought me yarn. I think ya'll get what a huge deal that is.

3. This one makes the list because it is so excellently awful. Have I mentioned that my principal is a total creepshow? He invites me to things and suggests that I come hang out in his office, but I am a pretty decent actress and am good at excusing myself. Last Wednesday, as we were riding home, he told me that I was coming to dinner with himself and Mr. Soo (I know! I call him a boy named Soo in my head). Oh! Ok? So we go to this restaurant where the principal informs me that I will eat chicken. Um no? No I won't. He seems to think chicken is a vegetable, like ham. Anyway... he and Mr. Soo drink a bunch of soju, the principal tells me he loves me, attempts to do a "love shot" with me (you know how people intertwine their arms to drink champagne at weddings? that thing) and touched my knee. I declined the soju, looked nervously horrified at the "rove comment," flat out declined the love shot, and backed away into the aisle of the restaurant at the knee touching. I also declined his offer to go to his house and drink more by running down the street. Seriously? I don't even know how to deal with this. I will ask July.

2. Back to happier stuff... I think it's become clear that Korea is a strange and wonderful place, where normal behavior means something a little different from American normal behavior. One huge example of this is "couple wear." In America, a boy will usually change if you show up at his house wearing something similar to what he picked out. That's ok. It would be weird to match, right? WRONG. Koreans love love love couple shit. The either wear the same shirt, or the same shirt in different colors, or shirts that "connect." It was pretty funny when Jaryn, attempting to be like a Korean boy, grabbed my handbag and carried it for me on our first date, and I should have been expecting this, but.... wait for it.... Jaryn and I have couple scarves. Yeah, I know. Just shut up. I made them, and they are adorable. Also, in the interest of full Korean cultural immersion, we have procured couple phone charms (a little girl and boy with funny faces that have magnets attached, so when our phones get close... awwwww!) and couple socks. No, I know. *shhhh!* We're just being Korean!!! Also, he will buy pointy shoes and I will hide my face and emit a high-pitched giggle when he speaks to me in public.

1. Sabrina really likes the following: Rollercoasters, German beer, french fries, bubbles, glitter, cat ears, light sabers, Jaryn, snowcones, tequila, sunshine, American-themed anything, Asian children, parades, laughing, driving mechanical llamas, balloons, holding hands, baby animals, Korean-speaking gargoyles, and watching a hot American boy eat a hamburger. Last Saturday, which was Korean Thanksgiving, I got to be thankful for all that, because it all happened in one day at Everland! Yeah!!! Ya'll thought I loved Everland before? Holy crap. That was the best day ever.

TaDa! I know that I am being a little obnoxious, and that reading this is probably the equivalent of chasing a pixie stick and cake with Vanilla Coke, but if you're reading this, you probably know that it takes A LOT for me to get excited about something like, I don't know, a boy. :P Thanks for listening! I am giving you guys a Care Bear Stare right now!

Today's Lesson: Have I not made it clear that you need to know what your shirt says before you put it on? I was going to stop you and shake you, teen girl at the bus stop with the shirt that said NEW VINTAGE MODE AND DOGGIE STYLE.

You WILL like kimchi....you WILL like kimchi...

2009-09-23T03:39:00.002-06:00

Good evening, loves. Happy Wednesday. This Wednesday is especially happy because I am newly free from GEPIK Teacher Training, or, as I like to call it, Korean ReEducation Camp; we were locked in a giant compound, fed rice, and forced to watch movies about how great Korea is.

Every native speaker who comes to Korea to teach and who is employed by the public school system must attend training/orientation. That makes sense, right? Yeah, and then you go, and then nothing makes sense.

Because I spent the entirety of college learning to teach English and have a few years of teaching experience *waves at Butte Central~ Hi, guys! Go Maroons!* a lot of my sessions at this GEPIK thing were redundant. That means that instead of learning basic classroom management with hungover 22 -year-olds, I was free to think about other things, make a few observations, and form some opinions.

Ten Revelations from ReEducation Camp:

10. If you want someone to believe you, don't engage in too much hyperbole. If you tell me that kimchi is good for me, I'll probably believe you, because it's a vegetable and there's some medical proof that it can reduce one's risk for some nasty things. But if you tell me that kimchi cures some chickens of swine flu and can reduce my risk of colon cancer by about 80%, I'm going to think it's bullshit, which smells only slightly better than kimchi.

9. I've made it pretty clear how awesome my coteacher July is, right? Right. It turns out that she's extra awesome. Lots of the native teachers have awful coteachers. Awful = makes you write 5 page lesson plans 3 months in advance, refuses to translate anything into Korean for the kids, and does yoga in the back of the classroom while you attempt to educate 40 screaming 8-year-olds. I am a really lucky girl to be graced with July.

8. Did you know that ham is a vegetable? It is in Korea, apparently. Their definition of vegetarian is drastically different than mine.

7. No matter where you go or how old you get, some people still think we're all in high school.

6. Some people are just not meant to be teachers.

5. The Korean language isn't as difficult as one would think. The writing, which I still think looks like crop circles, is actually very simple. And if you're unsure how to pronounce something, you can just mumble in a high pitched sort of whine and throw "sey-yo" at the end of a sentence, and Koreans will hear what they wanted you to say. This week, I learned how to say "Please be quiet and pay attention," "Where is the _____ subway station/bus stop," and "I am so pretty." Two out of those three would have been helpful to know when I first got here.

4. Speaking of that... does it make sense to have someone go to orientation when they've been somewhere for 3 and 1/2 months already, and have settled in rather nicely? I was rather envious of the people who had only been here for 2 weeks. But I'm sure there's something to be sad about learning Korean culture by having to cut up your own squid.

3. Hanbok is beautiful. It's the traditional Korean dress, and it looks like this--->

2. South Africans have a pretty badass accent.

1. Friends can get you through anything. When I got extra frustrated this week, it was nice to be able to commiserate with Cecilia, who had gone through the same training a few months earlier, and to talk to Jaryn about actual teaching, among other things. Speaking of Sabrina being lucky, I have managed to find a guy who is American, charming, intelligent, damn handsome, and also an "actual" teacher. Assah! Hooray for that.

So... this isn't the usual witty and clever brog post, because I am really tired and a bit of a grump. I would have preferred to be in the classroom these past few days, but I did, apparently, learn a few things inadvertently. Also, I made some new friends. Yay! Stay tuned for an update soon... am heading to Daegu/GyoeongSan/Busan this weekend. Bye, ya'll!

Today's Lesson: If the people around you groan every time you raise your hand to offer input or ask a question, maybe you're a little on the obnoxious side, and should take that as a clue to stop whining all the time. Just a thought.

ASSAH!

2009-09-13T06:15:00.003-06:00

Well, howdy! How was your week? Really? Mine was awesome too. Mine was beyond awesome.
Check it out: because I am American, I get to make up new rules and not adhere to old ones. I hereby decree that a week is now more than 7 days. Tada! Therefore, I am allowed to talk about Saturday, September 5th, through today, September 13th, as one week. It was the best week ever. We're gonna take this one chronologically.

Ten events in the past "week" that make it awesome:
10. Saturday part 1: Anusha and I heard that an Oktoberfest was happening in Seoul. Because we are fun and thirsty, we were all over that. We were so excited that we got on a bus to Seodaemung without checking any information first. We showed up at the Seoul Grand Hilton at around 1 o'clock, only to find that Oktoberfest was to start at 6:30. Well, shit. While wandering around the fancy-pants hotel and almost accidentally attending a Korean stranger's wedding, we stumbled upon Mr. Ashley Cheeseman. He is British and very nice, and he was wearing lederhosen. He gave us 20% off our entrance fees, and the director of the event addressed us as "the queens of Oktoberfest!"
9. Saturday part 2: We were very concerned about the presence of Cass (super assy yet ubiquitous Korean beer) at such an esteemed event, and I recall threatening to Anusha that I would punch, in the face, anyone who was drinking that instead of German beer. I am charming. I ate pretzels and drank Beck's and totally cheated in the nail-hammering contest (thanks, Mr. Cheeseman, for not disqualifying me,) and Anusha and I made some new friends with the lovely young men from the US Air Force who were seated next to us. Hi, boys.
8. Sunday: On Sunday, I began crafting wedding presents for my co-teacher (she's getting married this Saturday!!!) and put the finishing touches on the song that she commissioned for the occasion. Next Saturday, I will be singing and playing a song that I wrote for her and her lucky fiance. *freaking out breathing really fast oh my god*
7. Monday: While getting ready to leave school on Monday, I received an email regarding some Korean tv thing. It was happening that night in Hongdae (like an hour and a half away) and I was tired so I said "meh" and went about my business. Then Cecilia called. She is the biggest fan of K-Pop I've ever met, and that's saying a lot, because I hang out with 12-year-old Korean girls all day. We ended up going to Hongdae, and here's why: Korea's version of American Idol, called "SuperStar K" was being filmed in Club OverSound. For some reason, the producers wanted lots of foreigners there. If you want Westerners to come to your club, it's smart to offer us free drinks. Nice work. Cecilia and I got right to the front and over the course of a couple hours, we got to see the final 8 performers, 3 ridiculously sassy men dancing in tiny sailor outfits, and an incredible little drag queen. We weren't sure if we were really going to be on TV, but.... (update occurs in Number 2 - Friday )
6. Tuesday: On Tuesday I cleaned my little apt thoroughly and took a super long shower. Beautiful.
5. Wednesday part 1: Schools around here have what they call "open classes." That means that teachers in our disctrict can go visit other schools on certain days, and watch a lesson and offer input. This is brilliant. It's especially brilliant for English teachers. On Wednesday, July and I went to Ho Bub school (or Hobo School, as I like to call it) and watched a great class. Then a bunch of us, Westerners and Koreans, talked about the lesson and procedures. I love my job. Also, I made a new teacher friend!
4. Wednesday part 2: One of the Gang of Foreigners in YongIn (or GFY) left to go to Australia! He'll be back in another part of Korea in a couple of months, but it made sense for us to have a leaving extravaganza. Anusha and I bought him Rice Tards, Mother's Finger cookies, Crunky Nude Chocolate Balls, and some scary ass socks with a screaming Korean on them. We didn't want him leave without a bunch of stuff to keep him creeped out.
3. Thursday: I had coffee with July and the kindergarten teacher and another teacher. Yeah!
2. Friday: In not so awesome news, I had a horrific allergy attack at school! I think gingko trees might be the new lilacs. I had to leave early! :( I went home and took a Benadryl and then drank lots of coffee so that I could go.... TO SUPERSTAR K! This time, we went to the actual filming, in the actual studio, and it was awesome! They showed the segment of the Hongdae night, and SuperStar K turned into the Cecilia and Sabrina show. I'm pretty easy to spot, what with the or-an-jee hair and badass dance moves. They had cameras on us again (we were front row! Again!) at this taping, so as soon as it hits YouTube, ya'll are going to see us on Korean TV!
1. Saturday & Sunday: So... I try not to get overly personal on this here brog, because I'm not sure who's reading it, really. But sometimes it's fun to peek, metaphorically, into someone's window with your binoculars. So I'll share just a little bit. I um, met up with a friend this weekend. We went all around Seoul (had a Canadian beer & Indian food in Itaewon, walked through the Pagoda Garden at the Seoul National Museum, attended a singing performance in Hongdae, ate romantic pizza and had chianti, and visited some Zen place.) I am totally stalling. Um, then I blushed a lot and I'm blushing right now and we don't really need to talk about anything else, right? Ok, right!

I love my life.

Today's Lesson: The pizza place in Hongdae listed "Rocket Pizza" as one of their menu selections. It is not advisable to ask the waiter if that comes with extra robots.

At least it's not on your face.

2009-09-02T17:31:00.003-06:00

Firstly, I would like to both apologize to my mother and tell her "I told you so." In high school, I wore some crazy outfits. I was a big fan of tie-dye and oversized t-shirts that involved plumbing companies and skater shoes and homemade bags, all at the same time. You were right that I looked kind of ridiculous, mom, but remember all those times when I said that it could be worse? That there are much worse things I could wear? I was right, and I have proof, because I am in Korea.

Fashion itself is HUGE here, and there's a lot to write about, including short-shorts, super v-necks on dudes, and the return of the sequined fedora. Today, I'd like to keep the focus on t-shirts, because Korea is full of crazy ass t-shirts. It's clear that my coteacher was right when she said, "Koreans don't buy English t-shirts for the saying; many don't know what it says. They like the design." It would appear so. I give you, for enjoyment and giggles and horror, some of the best t-shirts I have seen in Korea so far.

Top Ten T-Shirts that should have been proofread before leaving the house:

10. (ap*&lJ%&b) & Fitch- I have not seen an Abercrombie & Fitch store yet, and I've been to Seoul more than a couple times. What I have seen are shirts that list a bunch of random phrases, or just some random word, with "& Fitch" after it.

9. A boy on the bus the other night was wearing a shirt that said "Blunt," "Get High!" and "Wow!" on it, with pictures of stars and a conspicuous leaf. There is very little drug use here, and it would appear that ganja is not on the radar of many people, especially parents. I've seen at least 5 kids with ganja leaves on their clothes! Bad!

8. Korean boys love to pop the collar. I don't know why, because it's one of the quickest ways to look like a total a-hole. But they do it nonetheless, usually while unbottoning the top 4 polo buttons. Hot? The best is when there's writing under the collar, so it's clear that it was meant to be popped. The best one I've seen said "Cool Story" under the collar. Yikes.

7. A girl in one of my classes wore a cute shirt the other day with English words and pink hearts all over it. I looked closely, and to my amazement, it said "Let's be like adults! Time for acting love." No! Wait years and years before you act love like an adult. Jeesh!

6. This one was so awesome that I bought it and sent it to Callie and Matt. It has crazy shit all over it. The front says things like "I'm happy. Please talk to me!" and the back is about achieving your dreams and all kinds of misspelled nonsense. That shirt is badass. I am counting on Callie to look down at her shirt and post the full extent of the nonsense in the comments section!

5. I should explain that were it possible and not incredibly rude, I would have obtained pictures of all of these shirts. My ninja skills are lacking a little. I did manage to get a sneaky photo of this shirt while in line for the crosswalk. Yup, that says "Clebland!" Go Indians.

4. A girl on the subway had a t-shirt with a rhinestoned bicycle on it. That's totally normal here. The weird part is that printed behind the bicycle were the assembly instructions, in both Spanish and English.

3. Oh! I wanted to stop this girl in the street and have one of those, "Oh, honey... no." conversations with her. She was very sweet-looking, smiling as she walked through Seoul, and probably 15 or 16, but her shirt said, "I always shower after naughty time." I suppose it's better than a shirt that declares that you don't shower after naughty time, but wow.

2. This one actually did make me stop. I was walking in Itaewon, looking like Mary Tyler Moore, swinging shopping bags of yarn happily, and then I just stopped. I was going to say something, but my voice stopped working. Here's what I saw, ya'll: I saw a Korean girl, wearing a skirt and heels as usual, with a t-shirt that said, in giant letters, N***AZ LOVE BLONDES. The stars are mine; her shirt spelled out the gangsta pejorative for African-Americans. Do you see why I stopped cold?

1. Koreans and Sabrina both love smiley faces. This makes for a lot of happy t-shirt viewing. Sometimes the happy faces don't make sense (I saw a t-shirt that said MAKE A HAPPY with an x-eyed [clearly dead] smiley face under it), and sometimes they really don't make sense. I didn't stop, but I laughed like a crazy wa-gook-in when I saw a dude in a shirt that said GO TO HELL (giant smiley face) YOU MOTHER****ER. Again, the stars are mine. At least they spelled all the swear words right, eh?

I'm sure that this is a topic which will need to be continually updated. I look forward to that. If you ruv Engrish as much as I do, you should check out Engrish.com, which I love and will be contributing to. Have a good one, ya'll. MAKE A HAPPY TIME VINTAGE STORY TODAY STYLE!

Today's Lesson: If you are Britney Spears, and you wore a Korean t-shirt in one of your videos, please be aware that you were advertising for a Korean bank designed for the needs of rice farmers.

I Honestly Love You.

2009-08-28T07:21:00.004-06:00

Heyo! Just ask my former students at Butte Central: Miss Holland loves herself some quotations. I've been known to impress many a dinner party guest by utilizing the words of Geroge Bernard Shaw or Eileen Kaufman, while gesturing with my wine glass in a sophisticated manner (ok, that's not so much true). Like G.B. Shaw though, I do like to quote myself. I'm alway saying things like "You shut your mouth!" or "F that S!" and even "I can tell." I really like to quote people like Olivia Newton John, which brings us to the title of today's little entry. She breathily sings, probably while wearing some kind of itchy and pastel 70s fabric, the magic words: "I loooooove you... I honestly loooove yoooouuu..." As my students in SoKo might say, "Wow! Beautifurr!" Indeed. I'm pretty much in love with a lot of things right now. It would be nice if one of them was an actual dude, but I'll settle for Western-style toilets. Moving on...

Top Ten Things Sabrina is Honestly in Love With Right Now:

10. Maaaaccaroooooni and Cheeeeese! As noted in the last blog thing, Callie sent me some. I made it tonight (in my rice cooker, ya'll!) and despite the strangey-strange Korean "butter" I used, it was magical. I wanted to not only eat it but roll around in it and walk around my apartment building and offer it to my neighbors. I didn't though. I did get a little on my face.

9. Knock You Down I learned about this song while reading Go Fug Yourself, which I freaking love. It's about horrendous celebrity fashion. I am allowed to read that after teaching Shakespeare twice a year for 4 years. Anyway... it's a song by Keri Hilson featuring Kanye and Ne-Yo. It is addictive. I was listening to it on a crazily crowded bus the other night and realized that I was doing that naughty-ish shoulder bump dance move thing I do. If you want to have Koreans staring at you, you should first of all have orange hair, but second of all you should dance on the bus a little.

8. Ginger Honey Tea comes in a jar and is concentrated. You put a couple of spoonfuls into hot water and then your life gets a lot better, especially if the summer camp children happened to cough all over your crayons and infect you with sniffles.

7. Mr. WaterMan I don't know this guy's name, but he showed up at my house today. July arranged for me to have a water machine in my ah-pa-ta. The water in SoKo is unsafe to drink (makes me weirdly homesick!) and I was spending all kinds of Won and using all kinds of arm muscles to lug water up to my 4th floor house, not to mention making the world sad with all those plastic bottles. This dude in a blue shirt and glasses made it so that water, both clean and cold, comes out of a little spout on my desk. Thanks, bro.

4. America Dearest country, Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I defended the hell out of you to a Canadian the other night, again. Promise that you have my back, ok; do not get into the same healthcare mess that Canada/America's Hat is in. Thanks, fatherland.

5. Lollipop In case you thought my love for Mr. G-Dragon was fleeting (how dare you!), it is clearly not. He and his homies in BigBang, KPop's biggest boy group, teamed up with 2NE1, KPop's biggest girl group, to make this thing. Wow. My boyfriend is the one in the uh, pink jumpsuit/blue vest. Shut up. I honestly love this song and "2NE1" is a possibility for a Halloween costume project. Assah!

4. Salt & Pepper I went to dinner with July, the kindergarten teacher, the science teacher, and the science teacher's 4 year-old daughter on Thursday. These are the nicest gals in SoKo! They took me to eat "American food" again, and we shared a Greek salad, eggplant parmaggiano, and veggie quesadillas. How funny is that? We also drank South African wine. I thoroughly enjoyed my company, but I was so overwhelmed with happiness when I saw salt & pepper (and ketchup! and tabasco! and a fork!) on the table that I took a picture on my phone and it's my new background.

3. Seaweed Can we just be agreed that it's a tragic day when someone's favorite new food is seaweed? Thanks. I saw a bag of it today in the Green Store, and it was labeled "Dried Underwater Tangle." This is what I eat, guys. Sigh.

2. My SoKo homies Remember last post when I got all sappy about finding nice people all over the world? I'm gonna pull that crap again! There are people in SoKo who have learned the words to my infamous "Bourbon Song" and come to Dublin's and sing along from the crowd when Ella and I belt it out on random Wednesdays. That's amazing.

1. You! Surprise! I honestly love that you're reading this right now. Thank you!!!

This list makes me want to put on an unflattering polyester gown and twirl around, because I do honestly love these things, and many more.

Notes of importance: (1) tell me what you want to hear about, and I'll write about it! Really! (2) Who are you, anyway? Drop me a line. If you want, you can just say "here" and I'll mark your name on my list of awesome people. Or you can click the "follow" button to the right (see it? it's right over... there! ----->)and make things easy (3) I have been here almost three months! Aaaaaggggaablaah!

Today's Lesson: When fireworks start blowing up in your neighborhood, take a second to make sure it's not a really pissed-off North Korea, then stick your head out the window and enjoy the show.

Hey, thanks!

2009-08-26T21:45:00.004-06:00

I love presents.
I like to give them and get them.
Lucky for me, moving to Korea has been the equivalent of signing up for a nonstop Christmas-esque extravangza. I get presents almost every day! I am pretty lucky. Sometimes, the presents are interesting (thank you, Jee Hyun, for your gift of the ham, jam, egg, and ketchup sandwich) and sometimes they are practical (thank you, vice principal, for the sunblock.) I suppose that someone could wrap up pickled shrimp heads with a bow and I'd still be excited. Maybe not. No one has given me shrimp heads (yet), but here are ten of the most awesome presents I have received so far:

Top Ten Gifts the Very Lucky Sabrina Has Been Gifted With:

10. Much like American students have been known to give an apple to their teacher, Korean students are all about edible gifts, too. One of the boys during summer camp brought me coffee almost every morning, and for that, I am incredibly grateful. Sabrina Teacher is much more pleasant after a bunch of brewed beans (and alliteration!).
9. During our field trip to Seoul, the vice principal gave me a big old box of rice things. I don't know how to describe them. They are a traditional Korean breakfast food, and they are made from rice flour, so they're kind of gooey, and they involve different toppings and ingredients. 96% of the rice things were really good. Not quite the same as a Lockett's donut, but pretty damn good nonetheless.
8. After my soju-inspired musical performance at the live music karaoke bar, the nice man who runs the place gave me a pair of drumsticks and a set of guitar strings. He also lamented that he was married and asked me to come by, alone, some time. Right. Thanks for the sticks and strings, buddy!
7. When my skin freaked out upon my arrival in Korea, I tried the stuff in the green jars that the E-Mart woman gave me, with little luck. I went to the department store in Bundang and stumbled upon the Clinique counter. I don't speak Korean, but I do speak Clinique. I have befriended "Sunny," the English-speaking Clinique lady, and every time I buy something, she fills my bag with extra goodies. Assah! My skin is much better and I have little bottles of goodness all over the place.
6. This one is practical. After openly declaring to the SoKo customs people that she was sending medicine in a package, my mom learned a lesson in disclosure, because I never got it! I don't know if the customs folks think I'm going to be selling illegal thyroid meds to children on the streets of Icheon, but apparently I can't have it. Good thing I only need it to like, function normally, right? Ugh! She sent the next round of medicine hidden discreetly within the folds of my Pork Chop John's sweatshirt, and like ninjas, mom and I managed to get it across the border. This present is awesome because now my heart and circulatory system and all that can get along together. Thanks, mom!
5. One of the little girls from summer camp class presented me with a tiny, green, ceramic pig. His name is Bernardo and he lives on my desk.
4. My friend Anusha traveled to France over her summer vacation and brought me back a souvenir! It's a Moulin Rouge shot glass. :) I have revised my list of "Things France is Good At" so that it now reads like this: "wine, cheese, mime, beheadings, painting, prostitution-related entertainment, absinthe, and surrender."
3. For my birthday, Cecilia got me seaweed soup (hence my new rap name) and a picture frame with a picture of me + 2 of our friends in it. I was feeling overwhelmed and alone and missing the hell out of everyone back home, so it was nice to have a physical reminder that wherever I go, I can find people who are awesome to be friends with. *rainbows and glitter and wind chime sound*
2. Also for my birthday, coteacher July got me the most badass shoes I have seen in awhile. We joke all the time about how I'm pretty much Korean, and I lamented that the one thing holding me back from being 100% Korean (um, besides the black hair and eye shape and ability to speak/read/write/ Korean, etc.) was that I can't walk all over Seoul for hours in 5 inch heels. To help me be more Korean, July gave me "Korean Girl Shoes." They are tall and fancy and fierce. By the time I leave, I will probably be able to walk to the bus stop in them.
1. Today I got the best present ever. It is the best for a lot of reasons. Number one is that it is from Callie, whom, if you couldn't tell from practically every blog post, is my bff/hlm/favorite person ever. Number two is that it contains my favorite things. Imagine my joy and excitement when I got to school today to find a package awaiting me that came from the US! I practically shrieked when I tore open the box to find: (a) Lucky Charms. That's right- Lucky Charms, ya'll. I forgot how much I missed breakfast! (b) MACARONI AND CHEESE! Spongebob-shaped! I am pretty excited to eat not rice for dinner! (c) the prettiest and softest and most awesomely green yarn. I have been going through knitting withdrawals. (d) rainbow magnets! I am proud to support... rainbows! and (e) A MERMAID! Callie sent me an Ariel Barbie!!! She is sitting atop my computer as we speak, one arm extended in a wave, and checking out my hair to see if we match. The best part is that she's the "glitter princess" edition. I clearly have the best friend in the world, eh?

So, aside from further proof that I am a "MeGook arini," I hope that this blog entry has made it clear that I am a very lucky and very grateful girl. Leaving everything I know behind is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I've always thought that people are inherently good, and now I know it for sure. The kindness of everyone in my life is unbelievable. Thanks, guys.

Today's Lesson: Just because England is an island, that does not mean it is covered in palm trees and exports coconuts.

A Day in the Life...

2009-08-23T19:21:00.003-06:00

What is up? Let's chat.
When I talk to people back home, I fill them in on all the cool stuff that I do in Korea, like visiting temples and singing karaoke. I try to leave out the mundane and boring parts, but because they constitute the majority of my time, I think they might be important, too. Life here is a lot like life at home, because I teach every weekday, then I go home, then I have a glass of wine and read/knit/play guitar/clean (ok, maybe not) /write/etc. I still go out with friends every Wednesday night for dinner and drinks. The main difference would probably be weekends. Butte weekends involve the Dollar and the Cav and probably the M&M and the same wonderful people I see every weekend (special shout-out to the best bar friends a gal could ask for: Brian & Melissa, Monica, Paula, Corey, Justin, Justin, Dan, Dan, Sam, Jess, Lorna, Kat, Will & Kitty and Cat. Hugs to you guys). Weekends here are a different story altogether, but there are common patterns. Here are the things that I tell myself every weekend in SoKo, and what I'm learning.

The Usual Two Days in the Life of Sabrina:

10. I am too old for this. I used to say this when I'd come home from the M&M at 2:30am with a belly full of hashbrowns. Ah, my youth! I said this to myself last Saturday, because I went out on Friday night as usual with the YongIn gang, and we ended up at the Noraebang (again) and I at least managed to not do the Thriller dance this time. A few friends and I went for drinks after the karaoke place, and I realized I was getting tired. Then I realized the sun was out. Holy crap, ya'll, I stayed out until 8 am. Bars don't close here! I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS!
9. Gross, dude. We'll get this one out of the way early. I encounter a new, exciting, vomit-inducing Korean food every time I go out. It's like a surprise birthday party thrown by people you hate. This weekend I had makgeoli (rhymes with another food that makes me hork), which is a traditional Korean alcoholic beverage. It is made from rice and it looks like milk and tastes like old yogurt. It is served in bowls with ladles. I can't even write about it. I gotta...oh crap...blech!
8. Yum! I should point out that I'm a very picky eater anyway, and it's not that Korean food is that bad, because I find lots and lots of food to be pretty gross no matter where it comes from. I do manage to stumble on things that I really like once in awhile. For example, after a long day of adventuring in Seoul, Cecilia and I happened upon an excellent Thai restaurant. I had the green curry, and my belly had a happy party. I find something good and new about once a week.
7. Seoul is awesome. I said that to myself again this Saturday. I managed to navigate the subway all by myself and found the Seoul Museum of Art without crying or having to call my coteacher or running into anything. Score. I saw the Renoir exhibit. My tolerance of French things is limited to wine, cheese, and painting, so this was pretty good. I realized that a giant exhibit of works by a French master probably wouldn't come to Butte, and was thankful that for a year I get to live next to one of the most populous cities on Earth.
6. Ouch! Because Seoul is one of the biggest cities, there are a lot of people, and it would be impractical to say "How's she goin?" to each and every one, not that I haven't tried. Apparently, it is also impractical to not bump into people or to say you're sorry or excuse yourself. Walking in Gangnam or Jamsil = mosh pit. I have bruises. :(
5. *Sniff sniff frown* Korea has a fairly distinct smell. There are no dumpsters here, so garbage bags just kind of hang out on the street. Interestingly, all garbage has the same awful smell! The Catholic schoolteacher in me can't repeat the words I say to myself when I get a giant whiff of it, but you can probably guess.
4. Where the hell am I? Getting lost can be frustrating, but if you treat it like an adventure and tell yourself that you had no idea where you were really going anyway, it can be fun. This weekend I found an awesome ice cream/gelato/coffee establishment 3 floors underground using my wandering technique. Score.
3. I have got to call Callie about...oh. Frown. In America I would call bff Callie all the time, whenever anything cool happened. I could text her about anything. I can't do that now, and it frustrates the crap out of me. I still am in the habit of taking out my phone to call her whenever I see something she'd appreciate. Sadness, ya'll.
2. I love and miss you guys! I call my parents every Saturday morning, which is Friday night Butte time. Thanks to the magic of Skype, it's really cheap. Lucky Sabrina gets to say I love you and hear it back every week.
1. Assah! This is a distinctly Korean phrase, which translates roughly to "Yes!" You have to say it like you're asking a question. The kids I teach say it all the time when they win a game or don't have homework. I say it all the time too now. This weekend I said it when: Cecilia and I accidentally stumbled upon LotteWorld amusement park, tomatoes were on sale at the grocery store, the pharmacist spoke English, I realized I've lost like 15 pounds, and I had the best coffee ever at the underground bunker place.

So there you go. Every weekend I go out on Friday, do something really cool on Saturday, then hang out Sunday. My life is pretty excellent. Any questions?

Today's Lesson: Even though it's rude, I get a kick out of the little kids who point at me, wide-eyed, and yell "Wa-gook-in!" (foreigner!). Should I point back and yell "Han-gook-in" (Korean)?

The Happiest Place in Korea!

2009-08-10T04:46:00.010-06:00

So, up until this weekend, I was pretty sure that the happiest place in Korea was my apartment. Surprise! My "ah-pa-ta" is the second happiest place. The first is, of course, Everland. I'm about to offer you the Sabrina-fied definition of the biggest theme park in Southeast Asia, but if you want the actual one, I urge you to check out the wikipedia article. It is slightly less biased. As for my definition, I would move to Everland if I could. If I come back to Korea next year (doubtful, but possible), instead of applying for an E-2 Teaching Visa, I'll apply for the visa that allows me to play guitar and sing as a performer in Everland/Everrand. I went there on Sunday with a Korean friend, and after about 10 hours I finally, but reluctantly, agreed with him that we should probably leave.

I should note that nearly ever Korean I've met is totally on board with my nickname "MeGook arini," which means "American child." That's probably because July had to tell the bus driver where to let me off when I first got here, and I threatened to skip through Everland, wearing my new tiger ears, throwing handfuls of glitter, and my favorite food is macaroni and cheese. Anyway... Everrand brings out the thoroughly awesome child in everyone. Picture me flinging a handful of glitter at you and offering...

The Top Ten Awesome Hooray Whoooo! Things about Everland!

10. You know how at most theme parks they have a log ride? You come off the thing drenched and then you have to reapply your SPF 70 (shut up. I totally have SPF 70 on me right now. I shit you not.) and then you're cold for a while? Not in Everland! The Amazon ride consisted of Sabrina + 7 Asians + plastic blanket to keep the water off. I emerged 98% dry and with no need to reapply sunscreen. Yes!

9. There is a mermaid on my ankle! There are airbrush tattoo booths all over the place, and I was all about getting more pseudo-ink. I got a mermaid tat on my fin oops I mean my leg!

8. I got some yarn in my hair! Just like at DisneyWorld, Everland offers the service of getting string tied in knots around parts of your hair. I currently have a green and orange dangly thing on my noggin. The 5th graders I teach were pretty impressed.

7. There is a part of Everland called Holland Village! Everyone else calls it Horrand Virrage, but I still felt at home in my namesake, especially because that's where I was able to obtain a pint of hefeweizen.

6. I wore jeans and a blue shirt to Everland. My friend wore shorts and a polo shirt. Some people wore things like the photo you see here; apparently it is socially acceptable to dress like an anime character in public at Everland. God bless Everland, I guess.

5. There was an America section! The rocking ship ride that's at every theme park is called the Columbus Adventure here, and there's a 50s ride involving guitars and Chubby Checker posters (sidenote of apology for doing the twist and the mashed potato in public; I was so freaking happy to be around stars and stripes!), and even a rodeo ride! I felt so at home while on the tilt-a-whirl that was themed around American western rodeo culture.

4. Although I hate grocery shopping here, I love crap shopping. There was an endless amount of tourist nonsense available for purchase at Everland, and I purchased about half of it. I am now in possession of tiger ears, a panda pencil, pearl earrings, a bunny towel hat, a tote bag with a bear on it and an English phrase that makes no sense, panda slippers, and 3-d stickers. Heck yes.

3. They have a parade! Whooo! I love parades.

2. There was food there that didn't involve seashells/eyes/pincers/mooing/fermentation! I ate 12 french fries, and that made me a pretty happy girl.

1. Everland is home to Korea's biggest rollercoaster, which is also the steepest one in the world. I hurled myself down a 70 degree incline, twice, and it was great. The rollercoaster is in the Alpine Village, which means that, inexplicably (because we're in Asia), a lot of the signs were in German. I understood not to cross the fence or throw myself on the track! Special thanks to Herr Satterthwaite und meine Deutsche classe. Dankeschoen!

I am going back to Everland as soon as I can find someone to go with me. And I'm going to buy a giant balloon this time.

Today's Lesson: don't remove your wristband too soon. If you accidentally get on the wrong bus, which takes you away from Everland then to Seoul then back to Everland then to YongIn, you probably want the option of going back on the rollercoaster, y'know?

Mouth closed, ears and eyes open.

2009-08-06T22:49:00.002-06:00

Good day, blog friends! It's time for an update. As you can surmise from the title of this post, I am still having some issues with Korean food. But I am all about Korean words and phrases, and I thought ya'll might be, too. I have been in South Korea for exactly 2 months, as of today. Isn't that crazy? I'm still in the phase where I'm confused a lot (you just hush about that being my phase always) and I giggle all the time at unexpectedly awesome Korean phrases/Engrish. I'd like to share!

Top Ten Korean/Engrish phrases that make me giggle:
10.Pizza & Chicken Love Letter is an establishment in the village of Icheon, where I teach. I think it's a restaurant, but I'm not ruling out dating service or night club.
9. Hair Saloon- clearly a simple misspelling, but I was concerned for a moment that some Koreans had stolen my business idea called "The Drunken Haircut."
8. "Do you have a he-friend?"- a couple of my summer English camp students (9 year-old girls) wanted to know if I was dating someone (nope.) They haven't learned the term "boyfriend" yet. So funny!
7. One of the lessons in the textbook is about occupations. It's titled "My Father is a Pilot." But when a classful of Korean 6th-graders say it, it comes out, "My fathah is a pirate!" Mine too, kids. Mine too.
6. Since moving here, I have been referred to as Sub-a-ree-na, Teech-ah Sub-a-ree-na, Sylvia, Sang Sae Nim, and Seaweed Soup. There's a little girl in the summer class who is my new BFF, and when she sees me, she claps and yells "Sa-BREEEEE-na!" Try it: say Sa like normal, then yell the Breeee part in falsetto, then go back to normal for Na. It should sound a little like a yodel.
5. Get on my car in morning, and get off my car at you home!" Since none of the other teachers have to come to school in the summer, the principal and I are back carpooling. I think it's great that he wants to learn English, and I am happy to help. He hasn't really learned "please" yet so everything he says comes out like an order. And prepositions are a struggle. That means that when he says the above sentence, which means that he can give me a ride to and from school, all I can picture is the Whitesnake video where Tawny Kitaen does cartwheels and crawls all over David Coverdale's car.
4. Chicken husband- When I got fake married last week, my only choice of groom was the 22 year-old administrative assistant from our school. In Korea, they call a young man in his situation a "young chicken." It kind of makes sense. We say "spring chicken." Over the course of our wedding, he simply became my chicken husband. The faculty now refers to him as "my chicken." I'm sure he's really happy about that.
3. HAPPY VINTAGE STYLE TIME MOST FASHION WELCOME TOGETHER BEST ALWAYS- I saw all of that on one t-shirt.
2. So, Bill Clinton is back in the news, eh? His recent excursion to NoKo had everyone here talking, including the principal. He asked if I like "Beer Crinton" and I said, "Uh, no." I couldn't lie! I couldn't do it! The principal was baffled, and no, it's not because he's a Democrat. Nice try. He said, "How you no like Beer Crinton? So what if not good president and bad news with Rarinsky? He is handsome boy! Yes, handsome boy." What? What the hell?
1. Man Hair Prince- this gets number one because I can't talk about it without cracking up. I laugh so hard that I cry when I try to explain it. My friend Jason got a haircut recently, and the YongIn gang wanted to know all about it. We get bored sometimes. Anyway, he said he got his hair cut for 4,000 Won, which is about $3.50. How is it possible it's that cheap? Because he had to wash his own hair! Isn't that funny? And it's called the Man Hair Prince! MAN HAIR PRINCE! Hahaha! Jason swears by it, and would probably wear a Man Hair Prince t-shirt if he had one. I should probably make that.

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm still happy and still digging SoKo.

Today's Lesson: If a boy brings you flowers and the only vase-like object you have is an empty wine bottle, it's not like you have a problem. You're just creative with housewares.

But this one goes to 11...

2009-07-30T03:45:00.008-06:00

Have you seen "This is Spinal Tap?" If not, go watch that movie now. I'll wait. Hmmm hmm hmmm...

So, epic film, eh? I'd rather not admit how many parallels my life has to that of David St. Hubbins, but the goes to 11 thing is definitely one of them. I like to kick things up a notch, y'know? "Give it that extra little push over the cliff," as one of Spinal Tap's lead guitarists might say.

In related news, I'm realizing that my being baffled about just about everything in South Korea has a lot to do with me being from Montana. The USA and SoKo are different, for sure, but MT is pretty different from the average urban area in the USA. I have recently had 10 (isn't it convenient how it's always 10?) experiences that take the guitar solo that is my life to 11.

Things in SoKo that make my life "One Louder:"

10. Field trips in MT are pretty sweet. You get to go to national parks, underground mines, old prisons, Native American battlefields and buffalo jumps, and speakeasies. That's pretty badass. On Monday and Tuesday of this week, I went on a "Teachers' Field Trip" (sweet concept, eh?) to Yeongju Folk Village, which was amazing. It was built as a Confucian University hundreds of years ago. I slept in the visitor's quarters (appropriate) of an aristocrat's house from the 1500s. I learned a lot, even though I didn't find the English version of the map/tourist guide until 5 minutes before we left.

9. Marriage is a pretty big deal. Here is the typical Butte wedding: The bride and her 10 bridesmaids are still slightly hungover from a bachelorette party that somehow ended up at the Party Palace. The groomsmen are sporting mysterious injuries and are fresh out of $1 bills. The wedding is a full Catholic ceremony. Afterward, everyone goes to an athletic club and drinks their weight in Bud Light. Moms cry, dads do what I like to call "the Bud Light shuffle," girls get in fights, and dudes pass out after trying to do the Thriller dance. It's an awesome time, don't get me wrong. But the traditional Korean wedding ceremony is different, and I would know because.... I got married this week! Haha! Start breathing again, homies- at the folk village, they put on a fake traditional marriage every day for the tourists, and I was selected as the bride. Heck yes! I got to wear a traditional "hanbo" which is way more comfortable than an American wedding dress, and the ceremony was about 10 minutes long. I was dressed as a queen, and I got to eat tofu and drink rice whisky and get a piggyback ride from my new Korean husband. I am working on obtaining more photos!

8. To get somewhere in MT, you hop in your truck or someone else's. To get somewhere in SoKo, you take a bus or the taxi or the subway. I wonder if my friends noticed how thoroughly baffled I was at subway procedures on our trip to Bundang. Probably. It's a lot faster than a truck.

7. As I've said before, soju is magical. I don't know where it comes from (probably rice. And shrimp. And it's 500 years old or something) but it is so good and so bad. It tastes like rubbing alcohol and vodka, but very lightly. It has little or no taste, so that makes it dangerous when one adds juice to it, as Koreans are wont to do. Once you put a little mango juice in it, brace yourself. The principal apparently didn't believe me when, on the first day we met and he asked if I was good at drinking (nice question, by the way), and I responded, "Uh, yeah. I'm fairly accomplished." On our field trip, the teachers had a few beverages together, and I managed to both drink as much as the school board and keep it classy. I only drank that much soju because the principal demanded that I sing for everyone. I sang. I sang well and then I bowed to everyone and I went to bed. Don't worry, mom, your little Brina was very well behaved.

6. I really like tofu. In America, I think I might be the only one who buys it from the ghetto Safeway in Butte. In SoKo, it's called dooboo, and I made it the other day. I made it. On our trip, I got to grind up soybeans, or edamame, in an old-timey grist wheel and then heat it and get it pressed. If that isn't the definition of taking tofu to 11, I don't know what is.

5. Butte is famous for its live music. Can I take a moment and tell ya'll how much I miss the Silver Dollar? It's a lot. A lot a lot. Up until this Saturday, the only live bar music I had seen was the unfortunate drum-playing incident of '09 (see below). On Saturday, I went to a bar called "Watercock" (I can't even... just... just giggle to yourself, ok?) with my friend Jihyoung and it was great. We saw a live jazz band that was really good... the piano player was apparently so famous that J had me take his picture with the band! PS- old Korean dudes are really obliging when a foreign gal in a v-neck asks for a picture. It was made extra awesome by the fact that Jihyoung can speak Korean and can therefore order good beer.

4. This one technically doesn't fit the category. For me, I would rate Korean food at about a 3. Recently, it was taken to a 6! Whoo! Cecilia and I went to Seoul and we ate at Omuto Tomato, which serves Omu rice. I think I loved it so much because it reminded me of Butte. Picture an omelet from the M&M before the pre-release cook guy puts the garbage in it, then imagine rice in it, with mushrooms and gravy and tomato sauce on top. It's like an omelet pasty, and it's freaking good. I was a really happy girl.

3. Although I've spoken of these before, they totally warrant a number 3 spot. Phone charms! I know they seem ridiculous, because that's what I used to think. But they're a way to personalize your phone and not make it easy to lose. In America, my phone was sad and naked. In SoKo, my little pink phone is in posession of the following charms: an owl, a strap that says ORANGE, a charm involving hanbo shoes that I crafted on our trip, a mirror that looks like an Asian purse, Buddhist beads, and a giant pink yarn doll called a "love child" that my friend Jason gave me for my birthday (sidenote: does anyone else think it's funny that a Canadian boy gave me a love child for my birthday?). I have seen super useful items as phone charms. It totally takes my phone to 11.

2. Speaking of live music, the biggest concert I've ever been to in MT was Bob Dylan. The second biggest was uh, the Clumsy Lovers? Last weekend, I went to the Jisan Valley Rockfest and saw Weezer, Oasis, Fall Out Boy, and Jimmy Eat World, among others. I can't even explain how awesome it was. Anusha and Bree and I managed to get right near the stage for almost every show, and I swear I made eye contact with Noel Gallagher. There are few things as awesome as hearing everyone around you sing, "SO, SARRY CAN WAIT, SHE KNOWS IT'S TOO RATE..."

1. This one is... me. Sabrina goes to 11 in SoKo because she's totally out of her comfort zone and pushed to do new things and even refers to herself in the third person. I am overwhelmed every day, and I think that's a good thing.

I'm still really enjoying myself overall, and am looking forward to this weekend, which includes a trip to "club night" in Hongdae, a trip to Itaewon to check out camera equipment for my sister, and maybe a date *blush*. I'll keep you guys updated. Love and hugs from South Korea!

Today's Lesson: even though the metric system is not my favorite thing, because I'm from a real country, (snap!) the band Metric is so good and they're my new fave band. Check out their video for "Gimme Sympathy," eh?

Kimchi by any other name would taste as strange...

2009-07-19T03:49:00.006-06:00

Don't get me wrong; kimchi isn't that bad. When an American hears "kimchi," though, they know what they're getting, which is cabbage + peppers +left in a jar to ferment/rot. It's not like you hear "kimchi" and think you're getting strawberry ice cream and then you're all surprised when your mouth tastes like pickles and red. So far, after 6 weeks in SoKo, I've realized that there isn't much in a name, especially when it comes to fairly familiar concepts. North America and Korea have entirely different ideas of what constitutes things like "edible," "fashionable," "pizza," and "nuclear threat," not to mention these ten other things:

Twenty Concepts That Are Called By Ten Different Names in the US and SoKo:

10. Rudeness. When you meet people in America, you usually shake their hand and ask a few polite questions that show you're interested in knowing more about the person. It's called manners. We ask things like, "What do you do?" and "Where are you from?" I've been asked those things in Korea, and I respond, "Butte, America!" and "teacher!" but I've also been asked questions that yield these rather personal responses: "I'm 27. Well, technically I'm 28 in this country" and "Uh, I have no idea how much I weigh in kilograms. Sorry" and "Because I haven't found the right man and God isn't ready for me to have kids yet, I guess?" and "I have no idea what my blood type is." In Korea this isn't rude, which makes me wonder what the hell I'd have to ask someone to be considered rude.

9. Masculine. The other day when I was getting my hair done, the haircut man, who had beautiful, spiky, product-fortified hair and spoke excellent English (spent a year in the UK) also had his shirt unbuttoned down to about there. I remarked to my coteacher that it was a shame he was so cute, because well, you know. Over the next few minutes, as I compared him mentally with the rest of the dudes I have seen in SoKo, I realized that haircut man is about the most masculine guy I'd seen in a while. When I think "masculine," I think of a muscle-y guy with facial hair ripping off his flannel shirt before cutting down a tree, growling. I do not think of sparkly pants, guyliner, and heeled shoes. South Korea needs to have some Brawny paper towels imported, y'know?

8. Church. If you know me at all, you know what my definition of church is. Church = wine, candles, bread, Latin, incense, somberness, hymns, chanting, and more wine. I went to church today with my friend Trevor, and it was, uh, different. I'm pretty sure it wasn't different because it was Presbyterian, but because it was Korean. Take away the candles, wine, bread, Latin, incense, somberness, and cavernous facility, and add a tambourine, pizza, testifyin' (Amen!), anime-Jesus, lots and lots of singing, and Sabrina having to introduce herself to the congregation before having everyone shake her hand to tell her Jesus loves her. Wow.

7. Large. I've established that in America, I am what I like to call "standard issue," physically speaking. I have a few flaws and a few standout features. I am not tall or short. I am not fat or thin. My feet are normal-sized and so am I. In America, I purchase shirts in L size because I have a rack, and size 8 shoes. Normal, right? Not in the SoKo! On a recent shopping trip, the mean man at the store looked away from my feet in disgust before telling me they would have to special order me shoes. Huh? And when I bought a birthday dress for myself at Banana Republic, I had about 3 to choose from, and they looked like they had been made by Omar the Tentmaker. Sheesh! I get that girls are smaller here, but it's still frustrating.

6. Wine. In America, Europe, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, South America, and probably Antarctica, it's made of grapes. In South Korea, where it's pronounced "Why-Neh," wine comes from rice and plums and shit. When buying why-neh, make sure there is a picture of a grape involved.

5. Personal Space. American personal space= about 2 feet. We don't hug much, and we only hold hands with our significant other. Korean personal space? About 2 millimeters/decagram. Guys and girls of all ages hold hands and huggle with no question of gender. Standing in line is an intimate experience, and when I get on a bus, I'm tempted to ask the guy next to me if he probably shouldn't buy me dinner first. Closecloseclose!

4. Birthdays and Age. I've discussed this before, but it's one of those things that stands out. I think it makes sense to count age from the time you pop out of your mom and say you're a year older when the sun is in the same place 365 days later. Call me crazy! In Korea, you're a year old when you pop out, and your age changes on January 1st. Huh.

3. Rural. As a Montanan, I get what rural means. Rural means driving your tractor to school to meet your 3 other classmates. It's having to snowmobile the last 7 miles to your house in January (and using snowmobile as a verb). Rural means there are only 2 bars in your town. I was informed the other day that I get 5 extra days of vacation this year because I am teaching in a rural area. This photo="rural" in Korea.

2. Grocery Shopping. In the US, I love grocery shopping. It means a leisurely stroll through Safeway, waving at people I know, picking out produce in quiet peace. Today I went grocery shopping in Korea for the second time (are you asking yourself, "Wait! Sabrina has been there for 6 weeks! How is it possible that she's only been to an actual grocery store twice? Is it that bad?") Yes, it's that bad. The green store has rice and peanuts and dwanjang, which is all I really need to survive. But when I want wine or kimbab or organic rice, I have to go across town. I'm glad I went to church first and got some strength... Grocery shopping in Korea = lots of taste-tester people yelling at you in fast Korean and cooking strange-smelling "food" + "cheerleader" girls in front of some aisles yelling at you in Korean to try whatever is in that aisle + fish smell + stopping one's cart in the middle of the aisle to yell at other Koreans/no one in particular + children running, yelling + salesgal in the wine section standing 2mm/dg away from me suggesting freaking Gato Negro + everyone staring at the redhead + no macaroni and cheese. Do you see why I've only been twice?

1. Rain. There are three definitions involved here. 1) Rain in MT is a nice drizzle in the summer accompanied by beautiful thunderstorms over the Rockies. Breathtaking. 2) Rain during monsoon season here is epic. Some afternoons, I am tempted to hail a boat instead of a cab. On a recent trip to Suwon, Heather and Cecilia and I waded through 6 (I shit you not) inches of river-esque rainfall in the street. This is attack rain. It hits the ground and then jumps up and gets your ass wet. Carrying an umbrella, which you must have in your handbag at all times, keeps about 4 square inches of your face dry. 3) Rain is also a Korean pop star. He is, apparently, hot. See for yourself and then review the point on masculinity above.

I'm the kind of person who carries around a dictionary and quizzed my AP kids relentlessly on definitions of lit terms, specifically on what "connotation" and "denotation" mean. In Korea, I am always surprised about definitions and different names for the same thing/different things with the same name.

Today's Lesson: My name, which is pronounced here as "Sub-a-ri-na", is apparently similar to a colloquial southern-South Korea phrase that means "Watch your mouth!" Sweet!

I Guess Wayne Gretzky Would Be OK, too...

2009-07-13T07:06:00.002-06:00

Hi, ya'll! Yesterday was my birthday! Hooray! Want to hear something interesting? In Korea, you are considered one year old at birth, because your life starts when the egg and sperm start hanging out. Then you turn a year older at the New Year. That means that if you're born on December 15th, you turn 2 on January 1st. Huh. So that means that while I am 27 in America, by Korean measurements I am 756 liters, right?
My favorite way to spend my day of birth is floating down the Big Hole River with my dad, fishing. I can't exactly do that. (Next year! Dad, start arranging a float trip for the weekend I get back, ok? See you in June 2010!) Another interesting thing is that it always rains on my birthday. Seriously- for 27 years it has rained on July 12th wherever I was. This year, Korea must have known I was homesick and sent a 7 hour monsoon rainfall. Thanks, SoKo!
And although I did get an excellent birthday package from my parents (I love the necklace! Thank you!) my mind was, sadly, focused on things that I really really want but cannot have, because I am across the world. Number eleven is "The Great One," but here are:

The Top Ten Things I Am Missing So Much Right Now And Really Really Wanted For My Birthday:

10. I miss the public library and unlimited access to books that are written in English. I found an English book store in Itaewon, but it's not the same. They do have Vogue magazine, though. This nerd wants to read some books!
9. My favorite sound is that of cathedral bells, and I haven't heard those in a month. I would love to hear the clangs from the I.C. or the Episcopal Church next to Butte Central.
8. I found peanut butter at the green store and got really excited! I bought it and took it home and then made the poor choice of opening it. Ick. You know how melted chocolate gets when you mix a bunch of water in it? It looked like that. Then I read the label; another poor choice. It was produced in 2008 in China. F that S! I want some crunchy organic peanut butter really bad. It doesn't even need to be wrapped with a bow on it.
7. It is impossible to buy a shot of whisky here. Most bars insist that you either pay ungodly amounts of Won to mix it with something or make you buy the bottle. I miss the hell out of Monica's double-neat-Jack Daniels at the Dollar.
6. I miss National Public Radio! I can listen to some things online, but meh.
5. I would give my right pinkie toe for some Spongebob-shaped macaroni and cheese. It's not that big of deal, because I have broken said toe about 8 times (seriously!) and it aches in the rain and looks a little like a grape. But I would give it for macaroni.
4. When I was shopping in Seoul, I realized that something was off. It took me a while to figure it out, but... all of the mannequins look like me. As in non-Asian, tall, pale pink skin, light hair. Huh? I asked July why none of the mannequins anywhere look Korean, and she said, "Oh! We like Western look. It is beautiful." I don't want you to think that I miss Asian mannequins or want some for my birthday; that would be creepy. I realized while shopping that my eye would go to the blue-eyed, muscle-y, boy mannequins and for a split second I would get excited and smile. It's not that Asian men are unattractive (I spent at least 2 hours of my Saturday trip to Caribbean Bay Waterpark ogling yummy Korean lifeguards with my friend Cecilia), they're just not... I dunno. American boys just have a way about 'em. I miss American boys.
3. I miss Butte. Surprise! Butte hasn't changed much in the past 80 or so years, and it will still be there when I get back, but I love it. It's such a unique place! I miss the mountains and clean air and being able to drive for 5 minutes to access a river. I miss the minimal traffic and the food and the fact that Sam at the Cav knows my favorite cocktail was also enjoyed by Edna St. Vincent-Millay. Little things, but important things.
2. & 1. These two get put together because my family are my best friends and I consider my best friend family. It's easy to take people for granted when you see them every day. Until I was thousands of miles away, I didn't appreciate them fully, I don' think. Mom: I miss that you know when something is wrong and always listen to me and let me cry even though it's ridiculous that I'm crying about something like _____, and you fix everything with a hug. Dad: I miss hearing you play Neil Young songs on the guitar and offering me life advice and telling me how grandma would feel about things. Alycia: I miss your pirate-esque swearing, your laugh, and your support; I promise that I will be the best maid of honor ever in almost exactly a year. Callie: I can't even write because I miss you so much. I cannot wait to see you this winter. I think of you often and I always smile. Stay strong in the 'Couve! My ideal birthday present would be y'all's company.

So, the birthday post was totally sappy, but neccessary. I sometimes talk about home with my YongIn friends, but it's hard because we all have fairly different backgrounds and we just end up depressed. Pout pout.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes and love.

Today's Lesson: when the principal sends you the following text message, it's ok to giggle so hard that pineapple juice gets on your shirt: "You are going to have blackfast with me. Don't take blackfast at your home!"

Really? Try me.

2009-07-09T22:16:00.010-06:00

Just as there are many definitions of 차 (it can mean tea, car, or kick in Korean; be careful what you ask for), there are many definitions of "adventurous." The standard meaning is :" (adj) inclined or willing to engage in adventures; enjoying adventures." See also : risky, stupid. See also: crazy, brave, ridiculous. See also: Sabrina. I left Butte because I was too happy, and I had gotten to the point where I was reluctant to leave the city limits because I felt like Rainbow Brite in Rainbowland, and that the rest of the world paled, literally, in comparison. I'm smart enough to know that that's not smart.

And although I knew that moving 6,000 miles (23 decaliter/celsius. I'm totally getting the hang of this metric thing) away from home would mean a lot of new experiences, I think I overestimated. I was expecting huge events like "kill my first giant squid and present it as dowry when I wed Kim Jong Il." I've only been in Korea for a little over a month, and my firsts have been fairly minimal in the grand scheme of life, but I think they're worth mentioning. I'll save my blossoming romance with *swoon* everyone's favorite dictator *sigh* for another post. To be noted: Number one is a doozy. Do not skip ahead!

Ten Small Steps for Mankind, but Giant Steps for Brina the Adventurer:

10. I wear flip-flops. I know... take a minute to deal with it. In America, the mere sight of these "shoes" in public would make my face do this---------> but now I'm more tolerant of them. Since I have a pair of "inside shoes" at school that I wear all day, and I have to walk ten minutes from my hood to the corner where I meet my ride, it doesn't make sense to put on the cutest shoes I own. I am thankful that I thieved a pair of frip-frops from my sister before I left America.

PS- So, Alycia, thanks for the pair of cute brown leather flip-flops (does Mom still call them "thongs?" Haha! Ick!) with the decorative detailing! You shouldn't have!

9. I think I ate a jellyfish!

<-------8. For the first time ever, my "to-do list" (hee hee!) is not solely populated by hockey players and old British guys. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you my first ever Asian crush (Oh, herro...). Meet Mr. G-Dragon of the K-Pop band BigBang. Nice glasses, huh?

7. Moving across the world makes you more tolerant of other cultures, especially when you're from a place where being a minority means that your grandparents came from Poland instead of Ireland. I have become so incredibly tolerant and culturally aware that yesterday I admitted that California is a valid part of the United States. It was hard, but I'm making steps.
6. I played drums in public! I haven't done that for the longest time... since high school I think. I don't know what prompted me (ok- total lie. I was prompted by my YongIn Western friends, 2 shots of soju, and a martini) but I got onstage at the live karaoke bar. Sidenote: this is a bar where you sing along to people playing actual instruments. It's like being the drunk uncle who forces his way into the wedding band. Here's what that looks like: ----------------------> It should also be noted that I was playing the drums to "Billie Jean" and that if I have pigtails and sunglasses on, after some soju, maybe letting me on stage is a bad idea. Just a thought, friends.

5. I got so hungry that while out with my YongIn homies, during the usual Wednesday night dinner, I ate a dish (I pronounce it Nor-no-nana-eea-nananana) that consisted of cold "booger noodles," mustard, and sprouts. I've eaten stuff like that before, but what made it new was that they gave me a garlic ice sauce for my noodles. If you're feeling adventurous, I would suggest you draw the line before you get to "garlic sno-cone."

4. This week, I finally tried out my Korean speaking skills on someone other than a 3rd-grader. I was told by an Asian girl at the hair salon that I spoke well. She said I have a "nice brain." I'm so happy I didn't mispronounce something that would bring shame on the honor of my family and/or result in a bowl cut.

3. Speaking of that adventure, yesterday was the first time in years that someone besides the incredible Leigh-Ann at Essentials touched my hair. I know it's just hair, but it's my precious. I even brought my own dye from America to the salon. Yesterday was also the first time a man has ever washed my hair. He was overly gentle, but he did keep muttering "Or-an-jee? Hair is or-an-jee!"

2. Last night, for the first time since I moved here, I didn't feel like a total outcast. I had dinner with the three Asian gals I know best, and over a bottle of wine, a couple of hours, some mangled Korean phrases, and the science teacher's squid impression, what started as 3 Koreans and an American became 4 happy young women having dinner. Awwww!

1. I thought I was a pretty decent actress, but apparently not. Well, not when it comes to eating, anyway. Yesterday, when we were talking about having dinner, July gently suggested that maybe instead of fulfilling my promise to myself to try new things, we could just have some American food. I think my eyes lit up like Cindy-Lou Who at Christmas, even though I have no idea what the definition of "American food" is. We ended up at Outback (isn't that pseudo-Australian food? I wasn't going to argue) and I was feeling so incredibly American and homesick that I did the unthinkable. I ORDERED A STEAK. You're damn right I did. I had a sirloin cooked medium and I ate the whole damn thing. I haven't had a steak in oh, 13 years, or something ridiculous like that. I took my Dad's advice finally: All things in moderation, even moderation. It was freaking good. It will be a very long time before I eat meat again, but it was totally worth it.

So, it's not like I went shark-riding or built a house out of chopsticks, but I've tried a few new things. I still won't walk to my apartment alone at night (I take your advice too, Mom), but I'll try all kinds of safe, non-threatening, OSHA-approved activities with Korean supervision.

Today's Lesson: Apparently, it is traditional in Korea to eat pancakes and drink whisky when it's raining outside. Koreans are smart.

I Got You a Birthday Present! It's Red, White, and "Brue."

2009-07-04T06:10:00.024-06:00

Happy Birthday, America. You've done well for yourself. Hooray for your clear skies, Miller High Life, and Cheetos. Hugs to you. Instead of celebrating the occasion in my usual manner, I switched things up this year, because we can't be together today. In my heart I was thinking about rocks, flags, eagles, fireworks, liberty, voting, and muskets. But on the outside I was doing this:

Sabrina's Korean 4th of July in 10 Segments:

(And with photos! Yeah!)

1. Last night I hung out with 2 American guys and a Canadian from my nice little gang of foreign teachers in YongIn. Being from Montana, I don't feel like a real American without a Canuck close by. At the stroke of midnight, I led our little group in a celebratory parade from the Yongin Bus Terminal to a bar I forget the name of. We sang the National Anthem and drank American beer! Not a bad way to start the 4th of July. The picture was taken by the Canadian.

2. I called my parents today! Skype is my new favorite thing, besides Asians with cornrows. Mom and Dad were getting ready to go see Tim Montana play and watch the fireworks from the Big M. I didn't cry! I was so proud of myself.

3. I spent the 4th with July. (hee hee!) She's my co-teacher/favorite Korean/friend. We got on the bus to Seoul around 11 and made it just in time to go to the wedding of the sister of the kindergarten teacher at our school at this amazing and famous cathedral. It was very different from an American wedding. Well, at least the ones I've been to. There are no bridesmaids or groomsmen, there are pictures of the couple in their wedding outfits outside the church, attendees come and go as they please, the bride and groom sat on the altar and the priest addressed the entire mass to them, there are no kneelers, and it was totally fine that July and I left during the homily to go eat the wedding lunch. There was no reception. Here are photos of what I ate for lunch, a sweet statue in the dining building, and a banner that made me giggle. I love Engrish!

4. After church, we took a cab to the clothing markets so that I could procure presents for people I love and follow my mom's instructions: "Honey, buy yourself a dress!" I should explain the concept of the market. It is in a huge, multi-floored building and very much like a mall, except instead of individual stores, there are tiny individual vendor areas. It's amazing. The dress hunting was unsuccessful, but I did, predictably, buy another green cardigan. Here are some cool things I saw while shopping. Yes, that shirt says what you think it does.
5. If you want to fit in in Korea, you should 1) have black hair 2) answer your cell phone with "Nehhhhhh?" instead of "Hello" and 3) have a charm or 6 hanging from said phone. I have completed one of those three things. Say hello to my little friend. --------->

6. The vendors, like most Koreans, are very fond of telling foreign women that they are "beautifur gurrs!" It's quite flattering until you realize that they say it to everyone.

7. One of the clothing market areas had a section for tarot readings. Isn't that excellent and odd? I'm pretty sure it's a bunch of hooey, even if that one time when Callie did a reading for me at the brewery (dear brewery, I miss you. I love you.) was frighteningly accurate. For the equivalent of about $4.40, the odd woman to the left here with triangular teeth told me about my health. I could have chosen a reading based on love, career, health, friendships, etc., and I didn't feel like putting July through the torture of having to translate details about my (nonexistent) love life. The woman told me I should look at my lung, eat sour things, eat spicy things, and that I have a cold stomach. Thank gosh I didn't ask about love, huh?
8. After more shopping, we went to Insaedong, which is a neat little part of Seoul that has a bunch of touristy stuff and is full of foreigners. I bought all kinds of things to send home, but I can't say what they are here because the people I love love surprises. I took the tarot lady's advice and enjoyed a sour beverage involving plums from a street vendor. I also gave the "Miss Holland face" to a hipster girl with a megaphone in the street (she was American) whining (totally whining. Not talking, literally whining) about the treatment of prisoners somewhere in Asia. I'm glad she let Asians know that Americans are the authority on how things should be done in their own freaking countries. Oh crap, I just spilled some of that sarcasm on my phone charm. It did make me smile and think less of endless University of Montana protests when I saw this sign. I should have purchased a lasso of truth/non-hegemony for that whining girl.

9. I bought a guitar! WhooOOOoooOOO! There's a giant music market in Seoul full of people offering pianos, trumpets, glockenspiels, guitars, you name it. I tried a bunch of guitars, but fell in love with this one. It's an acoustic electric "Noel" by Cadenza (never heard of 'em, but they make a pretty decent guitar.) The dealer man threw in a case, some picks, a strap, a set of strings, and an amp cord! I got it all for around 135 American dollars. I knew it was meant to be when I realized my nail polish was the same color as the ax, and when July verified that I look pretty cool with a pink guitar. I have named my new acquisition Ella. Please give my guitar a little Korean bow. Thank you.
10. Now, I sit here in my little apartment in YongIn, typing about my adventures. Thank you so much for reading this! I am so thankful for all of the positive feedback I've received. I'm writing about Korea because I want my parents and friends to know what it's like, to vent, to entice you to come visit me, and to help potential teachers figure out if this is the right path. THANK YOU again for spending a little time reading my "brog." I am waving at you right now from here. ----->

So that was my Independence Day. Since I'm essentially celebrating an Independence Year, it made sense to document this stuff.

Today's Lesson: If you make and freeze them yourself, grape and pineapple juice popsicles totally count as dinner.

PS: I have more photos of my apartment and all things Korea on Facebook. Let's be friends!

That Which Does Not Kill Us With Kimchi...

2009-07-01T23:00:00.002-06:00

...only makes us stronger. I tell myself this during difficult times. It's part of why I moved here: if I can be away from the best people and the best place on Earth, I can probably do anything. At the end of this year, I will be stronger, mentally, than Jang Miran, Korea's premier female (really?) weightlifter. Sometimes I get wistful for home, like last night when I visited an Irish pub in Bundang for open mic night. I was with cool people and my beer glass stayed full, but it just didn't feel right. I kept thinking that the bar would look better with some ugly paintings of bullfighters and Jesus and Bobby Bland. I kept wanting to turn around and ask Matt for life advice. I wanted to take questionable photos of Callie and Justin and Kitty, y'know? Instead, I talked to a nice Canadian boy who doesn't like hockey. Ugh. But I shall endure. If a solo trip to Seoul/squid jerky/corn on my pizza didn't kill me in the first three weeks, I'll probably manage. But in case you're interested, here are ten things that made me consider the afterlife, and whether or not heaven has margaritas:

Ten Things That Have Recently Fortified Sabrina:
10. The other day, I had to admit to someone that I can't read. I can't speak, either. For someone who has spent her entire life (and thousands of $ in college) becoming really good at writing, speaking, and reading, this is incredibly difficult. I'm a speech and debate coach who is writing a book and who read so hard once that her glasses snapped in half. I can't communicate here! I have been reduced to mime, and we all know how Sabrina feels about mime (hint= it's French.) I feel like Bret Michaels if he didn't have his wig.
9. Did you know that I like vinegar? I do. Here, they have "drinking vinegar" that you put in water and then put in your mouth. I tried the pomegranate kind, and it was so good! The other day at the green store, I got more adventurous than usual and bought drinking vinegar that had an unknown root-like object on its label. I bought freaking ginseng-flavored vinegar. It tastes like old-lady-perfume mixed with old V8 at a rest home. Gross, dude.
8. Before I came here, my feet were normal. (Don't worry, this won't gross you out.) Now they are not. They hurt all the time and my heels have blisters (ok, a little gross) and stuff. I walk a lot here. And by a lot, I mean A LOT. I don't know how Korean women manage to do it in 5-inch heels. God bless them and their podiatrists.
7. Because I don't speak Korean (yet) I can't understand TV or the radio. My entertainment options are pretty limited, and I've turned into the kind of person who flosses her teeth twice a day, cleans her apartment, (get up off the floor, mom. Let your heart start again) and irons her bedsheets. I listen to audiobooks while I do this.
6. I think that my Grandma Stella may have secretly been a driving instructor for the SoKo DMV. These people are insane. Like, worse than drivers in the Bitterroot Valley insane. Riding a crowded bus means that you stand in the aisle and grasp desperately at a bar above your noggin. My trip to Bundang the other night was just like this.
5. Do you ever think it's strange that humans are the only species who drink the milk of another species, and we're the only ones who do it past toddlerhood? If you think that's weird, you should try Korean milk. It tastes like milk + cologne + library.
4. It's been a really long time since I've had to explain myself to people. In Butteopia, I was surrounded by people who had known me forever. It's still a little jarring when the people around me don't catch my allusions or know my entire history. Plus, no one knows a damn thing about Montana. Someone even told me yesterday that they really liked Billings, which is a clear sign that they have no idea what they're talking about.
3. I went shopping on Tuesday so as to avoid flossing my teeth for the third time that day or alphabetically arranging my t-shirts by fiber content. In the department store, there was a nail salon, and manicures are crazy cheap here. (Oh! And there's no such thing as tipping in Korea!) I popped in and now my nails are a shade reminiscent of my Barbie welcome bouquet. Speaking of popping, Korean manicurists should be employed by the Pentagon to make terrorists talk. Forget waterboarding... this adorable little woman with a George Harrison c. 1964 haircut looked very sweet and was very nice, until she got to the "massage" section of the manicure. She dug her knuckles into my palm and left marks that resemble stigmata. She popped my knuckles by squeezing and yanking my fingers with an outward motion that actually made me tear up. She rearranged the veins in my wrist. But my nails are pretty.
2. I have opted to work through my summer vacation for 3 reasons. #1: I just got here. I don't know nearly enough to be able to do something cool like go to Japan or Thailand. I can wander 6 blocks from my house and see new things. #2: instead of running the AC in my apartment 24/7, I can bask in the cool air of the school's AC. Brina is cheap. #3: I can take the entire month of January off. It's cheaper to travel then, Thailand will still have warm beaches, and I will have a clue where to go and what to do. It still sucks to work through my entire vacation.
1. I know I sound like a broken record, and not even a good one, but I'm still struggling with Korean food. Sorry guys, I have to vent a little again. When I was little I went through a phase when I would only eat sweet potatoes and my nose turned orange. Can a diet of only rice turn me even more pasty? Earlier this week, July asked me what I ate for dinner. I said, "Rice with gan jan (soy sauce) and peanuts." I think she meant "What did you eat for dinner last night?" and I replied with what I have for dinner every night. Sad. She and my mom would get along, because the next morning, she presented me with an assortment of noodles with sauce and another teacher brought me a pancake recipe and a frying pan. I think I've lost 5 or so pounds already. I'm still struggling with the metric system, but I think that's like 35 Korean watt liters, right? I've never really enjoyed eating, and now I like it even less. And woman cannot survive on soju alone.

Today's Lesson: Food shouldn't look like boogers.

Dear America, please take out your pencil.

2009-06-28T21:39:00.003-06:00

We all know how I feel about America. I'm the kid who had an American flag birthday cake when I was in 4th grade. (It was a nice recovery from the New Kids on the Block cake I had the year previous.) I have a picture of myself with Karl Rove on my wall. I designed a "Conrad Burns for Gun Rights" sticker. I love America, and I will defend practically anything America does (with the exception of things that involve France and SPAM). It's a rare occasion when I find fault with my great nation, but my experience in South Korea is giving me some perspective. SoKo is so... different. I don't want to wag my finger in the face of America and tell it to change things, but I do want to put an arm gently around my great nation and offer a few ideas for consideration. The following are Korean concepts that I think might benefit the US.

Ten Ideas from SoKo America Should Consider Embracing:
10. These people are nuts about sunscreen. They wear crazy visors and one can purchase "UV sleeves" in the store. This is not so in the US. Americans, especially young women and greasy bodybuilders, are fixated on the notion that tan=beautiful. Um, tan=cancer. I'm glad our Asian friends have figured that out. I say, in the spirit and honor of Michael Jackson, we start embracing pasty white skin. Let's have a re-Renaissance!
9. America is all about disposable everything. Did you know: if you order takeout here, they bring the food to your tiny apartment in actual dishes. When you are finished, you put the dishes outside your door and the takeout fairy comes and picks them up, then washes them, then reuses them. Isn't that smart?
8. When one purchases a phone in Korea, he or she may be alarmed at the lack of charger. Here's the deal: your phone comes with two batteries (that's right; I pronounced it "BA-trees") and a little charge adapter thing. Then you buy a universal charger, hook it to the adapter, and charge your phone. That made no sense, huh? Here's the deal: in America one cannot charge their phone unless they have their exact charger. In Korea, all chargers are the same, but each phone has a different adapter. You attach the tiny adapter to your phone, and you can use any charger. Phew.
7. Think of your typical American breakfast. Now apologize to your arteries. I was baffled about breakfast when I first got here, and lived on toast and jam for a week (I don't think any actual strawberries were harmed in the making of said jam). I finally broke down and asked my co-teacher about it. I asked, cowering and squinting, "What do Koreans eat in the morning?" I was afraid to ask because I was afraid the answer would be something like "shrimp jelly with goo sauce" or "Seaweed-flavored Cheerios and turnip jam." It turns out they eat the same thing as lunch for breakfast. That means rice with a bunch of side-dishes. My macabre mind was a little let down, but my body was not. Eating vegetables when you wake up, while strange, is also good for you. Let's put down the bacon once in a while, ok America? Or at least get extra veggies in our garbage omelets.
6. When you get a bank account here, you also get a bank book. It looks like a passport. You can put it in the slot at the ATM and it will let you withdraw money and will also neatly print all of your balance information in the appropriate columns. Very smart! You can keep track of money a lot more easily. Maybe the Federal Reserve Bank should consider getting one.
5. In America, we put garbage in a plastic bag and then put it in the landfill. In Korea, we put food waste in an orange bag, recycling in a box, and all other garbage in a white bag. These go to separate places and are disposed of more efficiently. What do you say, America? How about sorting?
4. There is a concept here called "Magic Day." This means that the government acknowledges that women are magical because we can make people. In our bellies. They understand that the requisite moon cycle is not only magical, but also painful, and give you a day a month to not come to work so you can deal with that. What is up. Do you hear that, America?
3. In America, it's not ok to touch kids. I'm not being creepy, but you can't even hug them or pat them on the back, and you certainly can't flick them in the ear or kick them in the shins, even if they really deserve it. There's still no ass-kicking in Korea, but you can make kids go to the back of the room and put their hands up, or leave them in a yoga plank position for a few minutes to get them to shush. It doesn't hurt them, really, and it's damn effective. Let's stop being so soft, America! Ben Franklin got paddled all the time and look how he turned out.
2. When you go indoors anywhere in Korea, you take off your shoes. This was really hard to get used to, and I was still weirded out the other night when I went to a cavernous night club (the one with the fire-swinging bellydancers) and tore it up on the dance floor, barefoot. I want you to think about where you walk all day, and then picture the soles of your shoes getting all intimate with your indoor flooring. Gross dude. It makes a lot more sense, cleanliness-wise, to roll with socks when at home.
1. Nearly everything in Korea is made in Korea. Shoes, dishes, cardigans, you name it. Remember when America used to be like that? Get back, get back, get back to where you once belonged, America. Stop buying Chinese crap.

America, I miss you a lot. I miss your macaroni and cheese, your music, your Irish pubs, and your men with muscles. I miss your wine, your climate, your fashion, and your toilets (that's a whole other blog post...). You are my favorite nation ever, and because I love you so much, I want to make you even better. Big hugs, USA. I'll see you soon.

Today's Lesson: stir the heck out of your soup before you eat it. This will save you the nightmare of eating an entire bowl of soup only to find, at the bottom, little shrimp-like sea creatures hanging out with their eyes still attached.

Thumbs Up, Korea! High Five!

2009-06-21T22:05:00.005-06:00

I'm pretty happy. Although I get a little homesick now and then (and by a little, I mean desperately; I even ate watermelon today, even though I don't like it, because it reminds me of my mom!) I am very pleased in general. Within the past week or so, I've had several occasions that make me say to myself, "Self, this is a great moment. You have made an excellent life decision and the world is good." The times when we have sea creature pancakes at school do not fall into this category.

These Do.
Ten Excellent Moments in Korea Thus Far:
10. A British guy called me a "stunbox" on Saturday. I wasn't sure whether to say thanks or slap him. He explained that it's a good thing; it means I'm purty. I asked him if England has a Department of Making Things Up.
9. I have the Korean equivalent of an IGA on my block. I call it "the green store" because I don't speak Korean and it's green. Duh. The staff is getting used to seeing me wander about, trying not to laugh when I see products called "Mother's Fingers" and "Rice Tards." As I was checking out the other day, the Korean checkout lady said, "You are so smile! Is good to see! Happy face to you!" I almost gave her a Care Bear stare.
8. Soju (which I refer to as Diet Whisky) makes me smile. Soju makes everyone smile. It also makes you sing karaoke and let a guy from Pennsylvania feed you a cabbage basket thing.
7. The teacher who was here before me is a Facebook friend of mine, and through the magic of technology, I have established communication with other foreigners in Yongin! Hooray! This alone makes me smile. What makes me smile extra big is that I went out with these folks on Friday and the following situation ensued: I found myself with no shoes on, seated on the floor, sitting next to a Canadian wearing a crown, drinking a margarita that tasted like an Otter Pop, requesting Michael Jackson from the DJ (he played a techno remix of "Enter Sandman"), sitting with a dozen foreigners at a hookah bar in Seoul. Did I mention we were all wearing purple?
6. I've met more Canadians in Korea than I have in Montana. There was a lot of hockey talk this weekend, which makes me want to jump up and down and trade my Cass (Korean beer. I think the C is silent...) for a Molson.
5. I have a phone finally! July made it so it doesn't speak Korean and attempts English. The best part is that I can add the most random emoticons, which my phone calls imoticons, to txt messages. If needed I can send a picture of an egg, a bowling pin, or a doughnut to a friend.
4. The buildings here are huge and amazing. I look out my window at night or while I'm on the bus and I see skyscrapers and giant apartment buildings, and I think: people did this. How amazing are humans?
3. On Friday my school took a field trip to Seoul to see the imperial palace and the Korean War Museum. It's so nice to do tourist stuff without seeming like a total tourist, y'know? I even got my picture taken with a nice group of Korean army men.
2. The Kindergartners' "Goo-bye" song always makes me melt into a puddle of glittery happy teacher. I will do my best to obtain a video of it, because it really is, like I said before, quite possibly the most adorable thing in the world. It was sung to me again today, after I read them the literary classic "3 Little Pigs." Here are the words: "Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye everybody, See you a-ga-in! Goodbye teacher, goodbye friend, goodbye, goodbye, bye bye bye!" Imagine 10 tiny Korean children yell-singing this is at you, shyly, while making the associated hand motions. Holy crap.
1. The most awesome thing I've done in the past few days was experiencing a "Noraebang" or Karaoke Bar. Are you ready for this? Ok... so, I've hinted around that I would love to do this, and people are never like "Ok! Yeah. Let's do that on Tuesday," like they are with every other event. I realized that this is because you cannot plan karaoke. You have to have the perfect mix of soju, courage, and (C)ass to make it happen. You get your own karaoke room (I went with 2 dudes from my Canadian recruiting agency and 4 guys from all over who went through the same company; we got the VIP room) *brush my shouldas off*. There's a giant screen that plays really strange Korean film pieces to accompany the song and lyrics. We also got 3 tambourines. I think the highlight of this experience was either (a) singing/yelling "Hey Jude" in a duet with the British stunbox character (b) doing a Jan Brady dance to "Dancing Queen" or (c) rapping solo to "In Da Club" with a bunch of dudes gangsta dancing in a circle around me. I thoroughly recommend this experience to everyone.

I didn't want ya'll to get the impression that I just frown at food and walk into things all day. I'm actually having an incredible time. Oh! That brings us to the latest "I Love Lucy" moment; while walking to the Noraebang, the heel on one of my shoes broke. The guys tried to demonstrate their manliness by breaking the other one for me, so I didn't have to walk like a drunk supermodel, but in the end I broke it myself while Riverdancing.

Today's Lesson: Korea has a bottled adult beverage called "Hooch Ice." Yup yup.

Awkward Pickled Turtle

2009-06-15T06:36:00.007-06:00

Today was crazy. Besides trying my first squid and taking my first solo grown-up taxi ride, I had one of the most awkward days of my life. I didn't think that the "awkward turtle" gesture had made its way to Asia yet, so I kept my hands either in my pockets or desperately clutching my bouquet. Yeah, we'll get to the bouquet later. Anyway, it was awkward, in at least ten ways:

10. The whole concept of English phrases on Korean t-shirts deserves its own blog post, and it will get one, but I had to include this instance. In a class of third-graders I had today, one boy was wearing a blue t-shirt with English writing on it. I looked closely, and it said, "Parm Beach Surf Club." I thought that I had never heard of Parm Beach. I've heard of Palm Beach... oh, wait. Holy crap. I realized that "Palm Beach " is pronounced "Parm Beach" here. And someone put that on a t-shirt. When I realized this, while staring at the poor child, I made one of my classic Brina facial expressions and half-snorted. The kid was so confused, and thought he might be in trouble. I just said, "Uh, hey, cool shirt, dude." Wow, teacher Sabrina. Wow, Engrish.
9. Lucky Brina gets to hang out with the kindergartners on Monday mornings and read them stories in English. I love this part of my job. Today I talked to them and demonstrated the sounds and facial expressions a "Gruffalo" makes (slightly different face and noise from the Parm Beach one). When I left to go back to my classroom, they sang a goodbye song to me, which might have been the most adorable thing I've ever seen. Honestly. As I left, they said, "Goo-bye!" "SeeYoooo!" and "Bye-bye, Sub-a-rina!" One of the little girls said, "I ruv you!" as I left, and for some reason, I reacted in the same way I do when drunk dudes tell me the same thing in the alley by the Silver Dollar. I said, "I uh, love you? Too? Bye?" It was weird.
8. Eating lunch is awkward. It just is. Here's a disclaimer: I know that other cultures eat food that isn't exactly like American food. I know that a Korean might be horrified by the glorious culinary wonder that is the Wop Chop. But I cannot hold back my thoughts on food in the name of cultural sensitivity or other hippie crap. You guys need to know this stuff, especially if you visit and your tastebuds are as Butte-ified as mine. The food isn't bad, it's just different. I'm very open-minded and appreciative, but that does not make the situation less weird. Example: today at lunch we had hard-boiled quail eggs with pork, moss, rice, pineapple, kimchi-slaw, and potato=leek soup with seaweed. It says something that my heart swelled when I saw the pineapple. I'm at the point where food that I can identify sets off a Jesus-y Aaaahhhh! angel chant in my head. Today's lunch wasn't bad, really. The soup was good, in a this-tastes-like-Georgetown-Lake kind of way. It's just awkward having to ask July what everything is, and trying to eat while bunches of kids are yelling Hello and scrutinizing my chopstick abilities. But it just might grow on me, like a fungus.
7. Speaking of food, I tried squid today. One of the teachers asked me before dinner (all of the teachers had dinner together today to welcome me! It made me me miss the Butte Central faculty dinners) if I pray before I eat, since word is out that I'm Cahtolic. I said no, not usually in public, and then we started to eat. When it came time to put the squid parts in my mouth -- by the way, you have to cut up the freaking squid with industrial scissors before you eat it -- I put my chopsticks down, crossed myself, then heaped some rice up with the squid. It's chewy. The teachers at my table thought all of this was quite humorous. I thanked God for not making squid come out of my mouth, spitted all over the tablecloth.
6. Speaking of Jesus, today, on the way to school (I carpool with the prinicpal) the principal asked me to go to church with him, and his family I presume, this Sunday. He knows I'm Catholic, and he is not. How do you politely decline that? I replied with an awkward, "That would be... lovely!" I'll totally report back on my religious adventure.
5. It seems like an endless segue, but speaking of riding with the principal... there was a misunderstanding about where he'd pick me up this morning. That means that at 7:40 am, with literally billions of Asians everywhere, the principal yelled down the sidewalk at me. Picture a man with a rhinestone, baby-blue tie (straight-up Dean Martin at his last show at the Sands) yelling "Teech-ah Sub-a-rina!" down the sidewwalk in downtown Yongin while an oblivious Sabrina is listening to an Ayn Rand book on her iPod.
4. As part of my welcome celebration (I am totally thankful for this. I have never felt more welcomed in my life) I was presented with flowers at the faculty meeting this afternoon. This is a lovely gesture, and it made my day. But it got awkward when the principal asked everyone to please be really nice to me because I'm probably very lonely, then handed me a bouquet of gorgeous white roses in hot pink tulle. I have obtained the photos that were taken. Picture 15 super-nice Asian educators standing around ginger sasquatch Sabrina, who is clutching the exact bouquet of a dozen roses that Barbie utilized in her wedding to Ken.
3. Some poeple are lucky and some are not. I am usually lucky in a lot of ways (for unlucky, read below for the garbage can incident, the glass door incident, etc.), including my skin. I coasted through puberty and my teens with peaches-n-cream for skin. I am ridiculously lucky. I think this was because I lived in high, arid Montana. Now that I am in low, humid Korea, my skin is freaki9ng out. We're not even talking zits; it is minor hyperbole to compare these to Old-Testament boils. It makes me not want to leave my apartment! Today I took the taxi to E-Mart because I was in desperate need of lots of things. The lady at the makeup counter did not, of course, speak English, so I had to convey what I needed through mime. I dare you to try to mime to someone that you need zit cream/moisturizer/cleanser. The nice lady handed me some green bottles, put her finger on my face where the worst zits are, and made a face that reminded me of the time my Grandma rubbed my back after I threw up spaghetti all over the bathroom.
2. I was flustered on my way out of E-Mart. I was so flustered from the zit cream debacle that I almost ran into a glass wall/window. For the record, the wall of glass at E-Mart looks just like the glass doors at E-Mart, and I'm sure I'm not the first person to do this. I was saved at the last moment by the greeter man yelling, "Not DOOR!" at me. He was nice enough to bow at me and my bright-red, boil-covered face on my way out of the actual door.
1. Do you ever have that dream that you're naked in public? Don't worry, I wasn't naked today or anything. But after dinner, the principal dropped me off on the main street in Yongin, and I walked the rest of the way home. I stick out enough already. I stick out bad. But today I walked home wearing a skirt, clutching a giant pink bouquet of roses, and walking strangely because I have blisters on my heels and pinkie toes from a bad shoe choice last week. I walked for 15 minutes in this manner through one of the busiest districts in one of the most populated places on Earth. Yup.

So, the Korean version of "I Love Lucy" is clearly in full-swing. I couldn't make this stuff up... Goodbye for now! I ruv you!

Greetings from much-honored glorious nation of South Korea!

2009-06-10T02:12:00.002-06:00

Hey, ya'll! I'm in freaking Korea.

My plan to ensure world peace has been implemented, and I have fulfilled step one. I am here and I am smiling. :) I am overwhelmed and I miss Butte and I need a hug, but overall, I'm happy. Korea is urban, bright, populated, humid, and confusing, and awesome. In fact, I have been able to find ten awesome things about Korea so far (imagine that!). They are awesomely good, but also awesomely bad, since I'm not writing about the world of sunshine and beer rainbows, which is Butte, where everything is awesomely good all the time. I give you:

The Top Ten Awesomely Bad and Good Things About South Korea So Far.

10. They have readily available alcohol. Obviously good from the Butte girl view. Bad because some of it has olive/fruit/Idunnothings floating around the bottom. I tried that kind.
9. I live ten minutes away from downtown Yongin. This is good because I have access to everything, including a Dunkin Donuts, but bad because of the traffic noises out of my window, which I have to keep open, due to number 8:
8. It's hot here! I love it because I'm used to snow in June in Butte, but not so much because it's so freaking humid. It's like walking into a shower when you go outside. Good thing I'm a mermaid, y'know?
7. My apartment is very small but very bright. It's in a nice building, but it's in the Walkerville of Yongin. You know what I mean.
6.They have wine here! I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to find a California Cabernet or a nice Chianti (hold the fava beans). I found some last night when I went to Shinsegae (the Korean equivalent of Saks 5th Avenue) in Bundang with July (see number 3) and two other teachers. The good part is that I have a glass of an excellent 2004 Chianti next to me as I type this. The bad part is that you don't even want to know how many millions of K won I had to fork over for it.
5. My bathroom. I'm having a hard time coming up with the good part. It's uh, tiled? It has a window? The bad part is that it's weird in 2 ways. Number 1: like most Korean apartment bathrooms, the whole room is my shower. As in: There is a drain in the floor and a showerhead in the corner. This means that when I clean Sabrina, I also clean the toilet and the walls. Weird. Bad thing number 2: When I got here, it smelled like Stevie the Shoeshiner had drunk his weight in vinegar and then slept for a week in my drain. I have been working hard with modern chemical advancements to improve this.
4. I was propositioned today. Yep. As I was walking past the Yongin bus terminal on my way to get my nails repainted, an Indian fella (dots, not feathers) said, "Hello." I said hi back, because I have good manners. He asked where I was from and I said, "America." He then said, quote, "You have a beautiful figure-ish. We will like to meet up. I will take you to this hotel, now?" He gestured to the fancy-pants hotel we were passing. My eyes got wide and I said, "Sure! That would be great!" Just kidding! I said "No! Holy crap no!" and shook my head and kept walking. This is bad because I am not a prostitute, but good, because amid the 8-pound Asians here, someone appreciates the figure of a "phenomenal woman." Thanks?
3. My co-teacher, July, is whatever the Buddhist equivalent to a saint is. She picked me up from the busstop in Yongin, took me shopping, explained Korean food, and answered about a million questions. She has very cute shoes, is adorable, is my age, and is getting married in the fall (I'm invited!). This is good because I would be beyond lost without her, but bad, because she makes me think of Callie, who is the best BFF in the history of ever, and is only about 6,000 miles away. I miss and love you, Callie-allie Boyle!
2. I fell in a garbage can at the Incheon airport. I shit you not. I was trying to head back to the paperwork line for customs declaration, and I totally missed the fact that the marble column had a 2 foot base around it. I landed in a freaking garbage can. I have scrapes and bruises to prove this. It is obviously bad, because I attracted the attention of the entire baggage/customs area, but good, because now Korea is aware that having Sabrina here is like filming a year-long episode of "I Love Lucy."
1. Korea is not Butte. That makes it 97% bad and 3% good. I gave it the 3% because I haven't seen it all yet, and I don't want to be hasty.

So there you go. It's clear that I'll have a lot more to write about in the days and months to come. I promise to have the bathroom stench situation cleared up by the time ya'll visit, because ya'll better the heck come visit me. :) See you soon!

Today's lesson: If the girl at the nail salon corrects you when you overpay by about 30,000 Won, tip her well, and say "Kam sa hap ni da!"

I Have Solved the World's Problems

2009-03-21T11:35:00.005-06:00

Because the UN seems fairly ineffective, I have taken it upon myself to fix things. And because I am writing this while at the 2009 MT Forensics (speech & debate) Educators' Conference, which means I am about to put my pen in my eye to not have to listen to the CF coach talk anymore about the difference between plan vs. case vs. evidence vs. shut the hell up, I am making this post like a debate case. Have you stopped reading? It's not that bad. Here we go.

Plank 1: Harms
A. The world seems to be getting more negative every day
B. And more anxious
C. And less fun.

Plank 2: Plan
A.Deploy at least one girl from Butte, MT, to every country on earth.
B. Costs will be covered by Comrade Obama's made-up money that he's throwing at everyone.

Plank 3: Advantages:

Top Ten Ways Sending a Butte Girl to Every Country Will Fix Everything

10. Research has proven that happiness is contagious. We smile a lot.
9. People like to be entertained, and we are entertaining indeed. Did I ever tell you about how my dad used to take me to the M&M or Muzz & Stan's after he had to take me out of school for dentist and doctor appointments and such? Picture grade-school Sabrina: I would come back to school with my dress smudged with syrup and ketchup, smelling like a bar, happy as hell, and repeating words I learned from my dad's pipefitter union buddies. Cool story, huh?
8. Sometimes people think that Jesus, god, etc., can help people, and that faith brings hope and all that good stuff. Butte girls grow up with a lot of Jesus time, and can probably perform an entire Catholic mass with minimal notes. You want some God? We can bring it.
7. We tend to have a pretty low bullsh*t tolerance. If some weird little dictator gets antsy, the Butte girl can probably shut it down with a raised eyebrow.
6. If that doesn't work, we know how to order a Sean O'Farrell (also called a Boilermaker.) Not that it's the best thing to be proud of, but... many of the world's problems have been solved over a glass of scotch, y'know (*ahem* Churchill), and Butte girls tend to be fairly accomplished in the realm of imbibing. When everyone else is on the floor, we can still gesture wildly and orchestrate the downfall of the weird little dictator.
5. Charlie Chaplin once said that Butte had the most beautiful women in the world. He has clearly never visited the Party Palace, but still. Who doesn't like having pretty girls around?
4. Although we may not be that old, our town is, and we listen. If country x is going through problem y, chances are that the people of Butte, having survived situations a-t, can offer some perspective and advice.
3. Imagine that you are sad. Now imagine that a nice girl smiles at you and hands you a warm, flaky-crusted, meat & potato-filled piece of heaven. Pasty=world peace.
2. One time, a guy found out that his wife had cancer, so he prayed to the Virgin Mary and promised he would build a little statue of her on the lawn if his wife survived. She did. Then, with the help of thousands of laid-off miners and the national guard helicopter, the people of Butte erected a 90 foot tall statue of Mary on the Continental Divide. When you come from a place that can build The Lady of the Rockies, you have a better-than-average understanding of the power of community spirit. We Butte girls would be happy to help you build a well/bridge/road.
1. Butte has more sunny days than San Diego (*true!) and it wears off on the people. If you have met Butte people, you totally get it. If not, please drive here soon, and I will meet you at the Cavalier lounge and provide evidence. :)

In conclusion, the affirmative team's plan for sending Butte girls everywhere solves for harms, has an inherent barrier, and is just plain good. It is clear that the affirmative has won today's debate. Thank you for your time.

*Sorry to be such a nerd.... I had to let it out somehow.... !

Chillldren ar are future

2009-01-13T14:26:00.003-07:00

This school year has definitely been the best of my career. Not only do I have bright, well-behaved students, but I also have entertaining students. Keeping with the tradition of sharing the amazing things that come out of their mouths... here are the top ten awesome statements I've heard this semester:
10. "We're going to read Frankenstein? That's by Mary Frankenshelley, right?" Actually, it's by Mary Shelley... this led to us inserting "Franken" into the name of everyone in my AP class. I'm Miss Frankenholland.
9. "You laugh like you're from Belgium." This followed a statement regarding a student who speaks in such a proper manner, she apparently sounds British. The student who said the above statement, ironically, can't find Belgium on a map.
8. "98% of vegans have a harlequin baby." My junior honors class likes to give me crap about my eating habits, and one of them stumbled upon a frightening disorder. They think that by giving me nightmares, I'm more likely to give in and eat a steak. Right.
7. There isn't even a 'd' in 'Richard.'" Uh, actually, Kacey*, there is...
6. "Effervescent. Like, mother-effer-vescent?" I always have the students try to use the SAT word of the day in a sentence. This was an excellent effort, and slightly more awesome than the same student's pronunciation of "brusque" as "brewski."
5. "She's a genie-cologist." I assign the AP kids alter egos sometimes to discuss novels, and for Frankenstein, one was a geneticist, except according to her neighbor. Oops.
4. I had the word "cacophanous" on the board, and one of the seniors decided it was his new favorite word. He pronounced it "cock-a-PHAYN-ous."
3. "If the suckers were John Wayne-flavored, you would have stolen them." There's no candy or gum allowed in my classroom, so the senior boys stash their lollipops on my bookcase. One day they were missing, and they accused the most well-behaved, proper girl in the class, who does rodeo for fun, of taking them...
2. "Three words to describe Butte: liquid, gay, ghost." I assigned Copper Camp to our Mongolian student for his MT lit project. His presentation culminated with this statement, and we're not sure what it means.
1. "The worst day of my life? Probably the time I tried to do a backflip in the bathtub." The students in my writing for college class were doing college application essays, and some ask you about the worst day of your life. The kids in this class have been through a lot, like cancer and car accidents and things, and the mood was totally lightened when Kacey* let this out. She was kind of serious...

*This is the student's actual name.

That's it- &#$@ this- I'm outta here!

2008-11-30T15:10:00.004-07:00

That's a line from one of my favorite SNL sketches of all time. Callie and I like to say it at the Cavalier Lounge and then pretend to flip a table over. We're fun girls.
Anyway... I think, over the course of a zillion blog posts, we've established a few things. We all know that Sabrina is (a) fun, (b) adventurous, (c) adept at learnin' kids to talk n read gooder, and (d) allergic to hopes and dreams, and therefore Barack Obama. The combination of political events and my youngness and funness has led me to make a pretty drastic decision: I'm leaving America, ya'll.
I know- I know! It has more to do with me than with the O-dawg. I was planning on moving to the East Coast or somewhere anyway, but November 4th gave me a kick in the pants, and now I'm going to take it a little farther. I'll miss you, too!
At first, I thought I'd like to go to Ireland, but due to this "Celtic Tiger" hullaballoo, there's no way I could get a visa. I think they should give extra immigration points to Gingers who really like Guinness, though. Agreed?
That leads me to my next choice: Scotland. I really like plaid and bagpipes. I've been emailing and phoning it up with a teacher recruiting agency there... the only thing holding me back from flying through their immigration process is the fact that I don't make a lot of money. Surprise... I'm a teacher! Perhaps I can explain that I work at BC because it's awesome, and that if I went across town and taught the public school hoodlums, I'd make a lot more money... I don't think they'll listen. So if this is my chosen path, I need to get a couple more jobs. Please let me know if you hear of any bartending jobs in the Mining City, eh?
Next up is England. I've been talking to another recruiting agency there. And that's really all I have to say about that. It's a good thing I like Jane Austen.
And then we have... Korea! I teach a bunch of Korean exchange students, and they're pretty awesome. They think I would get along well there, and these are kids I trust. I'm slightly more familiar with Asian culture than the average bear, having worked at the Mai Wah Museum for a couple of years, and I've always wanted to travel there. Hmmm... I've been looking at the sites for a bunch of schools there, and while most don't pay that much, most also take care of giving you a place to live. Considering that I live on tofu and ramen anyway, as it is, I'd probably be rolling in the scrilla. And, as one of my (male) Korean students awkwardly told me: "It's not like you buy drinking. Korean men will love buy you drink!" Aahhh. Thanks?
Although Butte is clearly the place for me, and I know I'll end up back here as soon as I have children, I think I need to get away for a bit. I'll miss my family, sure, but I think being away for a while will just make me love and appreciate them more. If I move to the UK, I'll have to find a way for Danny at the Pekin to ship food... that's the second thing I'll miss the most. I suspect the withdrawal process for pseudo-Chinese food will be less painful in Korea. And then there's the boyfriend factor...
This is hard, ya'll. Hard.
Any advice or encouragement?
Thanks, guys.

Today's Lesson: One of Mr. Obama's favorite phrases, which involves "redistributing the wealth," is on like, page 2 of The Communist Manifesto. Just a thought.

Double the fun!

2008-06-01T16:34:00.007-06:00

I do stuff all the time that makes me happy. I think that's an important part of being an Objectivist and a Republican. I think you should be happy too, even if you're liberal or British or one of those other made-up and harmless ways-to-be. I guarantee your life will be more awesome, (even if it's just a little bit), if you do any of these things. The best part is that each of these has an added bonus! Whoooo!

Top Ten Things I Do That Are Awesome Twice Over:

10. I've been working out like mad lately. The best part of working out at the YMCA, apart from the health benefits and cheap membership fee (my school covers over half), is that I also build up mental strength. I read that to ward off Alzheimer's, one should do puzzles and learn new things and build up his or her mental focus. By avoiding eye contact and/or conversation with one of the dozens of creepshows at the Y, I am building both mental and physical strength.
9. Eat tofu. You get protein, good fat, and you get to creep people out when they ask what you're eating. Trust me- nothing horrifies freshmen boys more than tofu.
8. Bartending. I make good tips, and I get to observe a neverending social experiment. Alcohol plus underdressed girls plus boys with flat-brimmed hats plus music by Black people is always entertaining. Especially in Butte.
7. Keep a journal. I sometimes get my thoughts out by having vodka & whatevers with Callie, but I feel better the next morning if I just write it down. William Makepeace Thackeray said that "there are a thousand thougths lying within a man that he does not know till he picks up a pen to write." The best part is reading back over things a year later. I sometimes forget how awesome my life is.
6. Knit. This is another way to deal with frustration and anxiety, like when the f-ing Redwings might win the f-ing Stanley Cup, are you f-ing kidding me, and the best part is that you can craft useful things. I haven't bought Christmas presents in years. Even if you make ugly crap, the people who love you will attempt to wear it. It's a nice sense of accomplishment.
5. Take the advice of Emerson: "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." I make rules for myself all the time, like eat 5 servings of veggies a day, don't drink before noon, don't dance in public... and sometimes I enjoy life more when I break these rules. I recently broke the "don't give your number to boys at the M&M at 3am" rule, and things are going smashingly. So when you shake things up, you feel like a badass and you get to enjoy unexpected benefits.
4. Stop buying Chinese goods. It's a pain in the ass, but I find great joy in not supporting their economy, since they own a good deal of our debt, and in not supporting child labor, communism, and human rights violations. And I don't have to go to Wal-Mart.
3. Have a glass of wine. It's good for your heart, and I don't know about you, but it makes me feel like glitter and rainbows on the inside.
2. Go for a walk. It is also good for your heart, lungs, etc., and if you live in the best town ever, it's a nice opportunity to check out sweet old buildings, mountains, and go mullet-spotting.
1. Obtain new soap. One of my greatest pleasures is buying soap at the farmers' market from The Porphyry Soap Co., made right here in lovely Butte. I get cleaner, I smell better, and I support the local economy. Wheee! Their lime/basil soap is borderline life-changing. Yum.

Much like the buy-one-get-one-free hefeweizen deal at the local brewery (click for a little info on Quarry Brewing), the activities above make life doubly better for the price of one. Isn't that great? Go get clean and drink and write sh*t down.

Today's Lesson: Do things that make you happy. Let me know how it goes. :)

"I always carry this much sh*t in my bag." - The Breakfast Club

2008-05-13T14:28:00.001-06:00

I will admit that if my handbag were any bigger, it would be considered luggage. My current tote bag is of epic proportions, and when I'm not using it to smuggle immigrant families over the border, I take it out on the town and am usually mocked. I took it to heart when my Girl Scout leader (Hi, Ginny!) suggested that we should, at all times, BE PREPARED. The same friends who make fun of my bag o' tricks are usually the ones who benefit from its contents. Have you ever been out and about and desperately needed a sewing kit/tweezers/sunscreen/sustenance, etc.? You should hang out with me more often. In addition to the items that I (and everyone should) carry around constantly (phone, money, ID, sunscreen, sewing kit, water, organizer,) I've made a list of things that are regulary with me, but not the average bear, so that if you wander out without the pleasure of my company, your life can be a little more pleasant. Because you're prepared.

Top Ten Supplemental Items in my Handbag:
10. Two yards of tartan plaid fabric. Remember in THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY, how you're supposed to always have a towel with you? That's a little weird. If you have plaid, you can have a blanket, a jaunty wrap, a reasonably absorbent towel substitute, etc. Endless uses.
9. Cashews. My stomach is on its own schedule. If I'm circling an elementary school in my candy van, slowly, and I get hungry.... problem solved! Filling and nutritious.
8. My knitting. It's amazing how many little moments there are in the day when you can slip in a few stitches, pardon the pun. While waiting for an oil change, enduring public transit, or during your lunch break, you can get a lot done. And you feel useful.
7. Perfume. For yourself and others. I find that "Pure Seduction" by Victoria's Secret is incredibly useful for setting up a force field between me and senior boys on "enchilada day."
6. Salt. In case your margarita is insufficiently salinated (is that a word?). That's really the only reason I carry it around. I recommend using tic-tac containters; if you carry around the little packets, they rub against other things and burst open and make your lip gloss straight-up ick.
5. Speaking of drinking, I sometimes have wine with me (see the blog post regarding the debate coach convention...). It's good to have in case you get stuck in an elevator or if you go to a bar where their wine tastes like the ball pit at McDonald's.
4. Single-serving coffee things. Folgers make tea bags for coffee. That sounds weird, but you know what I mean. It's super for days when... well, every day.
3. A Rubik's Cube. I've been trying to figure this thing out since the 80's. The secret to its solution remains elusive, but is helpful when time must be passed without the clicking associated with knitting needles.
2. A dictionary. That way, when you're writing blogs on the go, you can figure out if "salinated" is a real word, or just one that George Bush made up. If you're an avid reader, like me, a dictionary is invaluable. They make little ones, or you can buy it on your phone (Those b-words at Verizon have made the Oxford English Dictionary very handy, for an exorbitant fee. Those b-words).
1. A journal. Oscar Wilde once said that he always carried his journal with him, so that he would never be without something interesting to read. Awesome.

Today's Lesson: Don't leave home unless you have the means to replicate every episode of "McGyver." Honorable mentions include origami paper, a knife, your passport, crayons, rubber bands, safety pins (if not included in your sewing kit), and a good book.

Raindrops on roses...

2008-05-05T19:03:00.005-06:00

...And whiskers on your mom... just kidding. Although your mom is one of my favorite things, uh... ahem...So... it's time for another game. It's called: Guess Who's Happy. F-ing Happy.
You win! It's me. There are approximately ten things that are contributing to the awesomeness of life at this time, and I'm going to tell you what they are. Finally revealed: the secret to happiness, Sabrina style. Wheee!

10. School is almost out! I'm going to be the tour guide at the Mai Wah Museum (come visit me) this summer, which means that I roll to work around 10, discuss Butte's Chinese history, and make about twice as much as I do teaching.
9. Y'know how there aren't any dudes around here who make my heart sparkle? Well, one rolled through last week. Don't know if I'll see dude again, but it was fun. I smiled.
8. I worked out today with my sister. I am burning.
7. I spent the weekend with some cool people in a cool place. Shout out to Moscow, ID. Do you remember Rainbrow Brite, and how Murky & Lurky used to visit Rainbowland, and they lived in the black and white grumpy land? I felt like Murky when I visited Rainbowland/Moscow.
6. Traveling with a growler of hefeweizen (go to Quarry Brewing right now. Go there.) makes any trip sooooo much more pleasing.
5. I got a sweet henna tattoo on my hand. It looks like a doily. So I'm telling people that I'm in the Grandma Doily Gang, and I threaten to shank people with my crochet hook.
4. I am, as usual, a knitting hurricane. I am starting and finishing some sweet projects for the next art walk. My sister and I are going to have a showing (she's pretty much the best photographer that I know of. Yeah, I'm a little biased, but sh*t. She's seriously good.) so you should all come out and see it. The first Friday in June, ya'll!
3. I am reading some awesome books right now. In school, we're reading The Kite Runner & To Kill a Mockingbird, and for my own pleasure, I'm reading The Omnivore's Dilemma, Black Like Me, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, and Mandarin Chinese for Beginners. I am nerding it up.
2. I had a super fun time at the renaissance faire. Callie & Matt & Justin & I were the cream of the medieval crop, costume wise. I'll have some pics up soon.
1. The number one reason why I'm happy? Cause I'm making good choices. I'm trying to be a responsible grown-up, and it's going well. I wake up every morning like Snow White, minus the forest creatures. Life is good, ya'll. Damn good.

Today's Lesson: Read more books, drink more wine, and hang out with your parents and friends you've had since you were seven. And get more hugs. :)

America, F*%& yeah.

2008-04-23T19:54:00.004-06:00

Hey, hey! Wanna play a game? It's called" "Guess Where I Just Spent the Last Three Days Crying and Laughing and Now I'm Drinking With My Mom!" It's one of my favorite games. I know you're thinking that playing this game with me is like Robert Goulet having a staring contest with a plastic deer (You win! You always do... Nature Goulet!), but I think I totally win this time, as usual. You won't guess where I was unless I texted you while I was metaphorically about to stab myself in the neck with a soldering iron...

I was at the 2008 YMCA Youth Legislature.

When I was in high school, in 1847, kids behaved a little, uh, differently than they do today. Attending Youth Ledge as a chaperone is a whole new bang of the gavel. It was, to say the least, eventful. While attending this little get-together (It started Sunday afternoon and ended today, Wednesday, at about 4:00), I had approximately ten "seriously?" moments. These are moments when you would, if you could, pull a Ferris Bueller and turn to the camera and say, "Seriously?" Here they are. Seriously.

10. I got mooned.
9. My students found my soul mate. He is 15 and quotes Gandhi and thinks global warming is the biggest problem that America is facing today.
8. My students discovered that I have a secret little brother. He has red hair, says things like "in accordance with the operation of one's ocular cavity and brain function...," and makes people sing Queen songs at whim.
7. Have you seen how students dance these days? It's not even dancing. At youth ledge, apparently, dancing consists of finding a random nerd to serve as your stripper pole and then gyrating to songs with lyrics like "They say I'm really sexy, the boys they wanna sex me. They always standing next to me, always dancing next to me, tryin' a feel my hump, hump. Lookin' at my lump, lump." Seriously?
7. A member of my "delegation" did the "I'm a Little Teapot" dance in front of the House of Representatives. I have this on video.
6. It's snowing in late April. I know this is MT, but sh*t.
5. While checking to see if there were any students still on the dance floor prior to departing from the super dirty youth ledge dance, I walked by a young man. He ran into into me, we both said, "Excuse me," and he totally groped me when he walked past. On purpose? I dunno. I know they're teenage boys, but again: sh*t.
4. I saw a kid wearing a hat in the senate chambers of the esteemed and honorable MT capitol building.
3. Apparently, 12 oz. of plain old drip coffee can cost $2.50 at a certain Helena coffee shop. Dude.
2. Did you know that out of all of the delegations in MT (over 400 kids were present at this year's youth ledge), not one of them thought to bring a vaguely attractive, non-married, under-50 male advisor. You's killin' me.
1. The fire alarm incident. I can say no more.

Wow. It was indeed an enlightening few days in the H-Town. Despite the excitement, I managed to get a bit of knitting done.

Today's Lesson: No matter how awful you feel, there's always a pleasant note from your substitute teacher and a mom with a hug and some wine to make you feel better. Metaphorically, I mean. :)

Grrrrrr....

2008-04-11T14:29:00.003-06:00

Do you ever get really upset and want to throw all of the broken staplers on your desk at a class full of freshmen? Oh... me neither. I uh, I've been a little upset lately. Not a lot. I'm still shiny and happy and on the obnoxious end of the sunshine spectrum, as usual. But on the inside, my heart is still, much like the grinch, two sizes two small. And my bullsh*t tolerance is getting even lower. I bet you would love to know the top ten reasons why, huh? I knew it.

10. The Colorado Avalanche are going into the playoffs ranked 6th, and they barely won last night against Minnesota. I need this, Peter Forsberg. Do you hear me?
9. I had a parent/teacher meeting last week, and a mom made her kid cry in front of me. Poor guy.
8. I am a little in like with someone (just a little), but find myself, incredibly, unable to ask this guy out for a drink or something. Huh? Since when do I pull that nonsense?
7. My ugly blond roots are out of control. Luckily, I have a hair appointment next week.
6. I'm having some food issues. Again.
5. I uh, fell down. While doing the Charleston. To bluegrass music. I hurt my ankle! The swelling has gone down and my limping is much improved, but if I go out tonight I'm totally wearing a helmet.
4. Am I a good teacher?
3. I have the prettiest alpaca yarn, and I've started 4 projects with it, but I can't commit. Nothing I do is good enough for this yarn, it appears.
2. I think I should move.
1. Last night, I got drunk-texted about a kazillion times, and was unable to sleep due to frustration and incessant beeping. It seems that no matter how clear I make it, dude is unable to comprehend that I am not (and now, will likely never be) in like with him. Stop it.

I'm such a Negative Nan today. Sorry. The sun will come out tomorrow- bet your bottom dollar. :)
Today's Lesson: did you know that a lot of high schoolers don't think at all before they say things? I do. Don't be hurtful, guys.

A Point of Order

2008-04-07T15:28:00.001-06:00

Howdy! I spent this past weekend in Billings for the MFEA conference. That's when all of the speech and debate coaches in the state hang out and make up new rules and induct people into our hall of fame and such. It was a lovely experience, as usual. Debate coaches never cease to amaze me; we're quite the group. Amid the discussions and mind-numbing hours of voting, I managed to learn a few things over the weekend. So that you can learn these lessons without attending what my students call "The Nerd Convention," I'll post ten bits of info for you:

Top Ten Things I Learned at the 2008 Speech Coach Conference:
10. It is imperative to have wine in your handbag at all times. This helps to maintain both sanity and a Butte reputation.
9. Singing in classical duo can be no more than 1 and 1/2 minutes of the piece. Apparently, "this is not freaking opera."
8. When the coach from Three Forks offers you the use of his bed, it's a good idea to laugh it off and keep drinking from your handbag.
7. When you order green beans at a restaurant, make sure there's no ham in them. 'Cause that's totally normal to put ham in green beans. Ham!
6. I can run from the national guard and sing karaoke at the same time!
5. There is nothing, NOTHING, more annoying than debate coaches debating about how they should go about debating debate. Aaaargh.
4. My Courtney Love impression is much improved by a liter of sake.
3. I cannot do twenty-five pushups on a dance floor. I can do about ten.
2. If you leave your bucket of beer unattended, double-A coaches will steal the beer and your chair, and they will incur the wrath of the coach from White Sulphur Springs. Hers is not a wrath one should wish to incur.
1. Mime coaches are fierce.

So, there you have it. I'm going to go work out so that next year, I can do maybe twelve pushups on the dance floor. On that note, I make a motion to adjourn.

Imm-ACK!-ulate Conception

2008-03-26T17:12:00.003-06:00

Hi, friends. So... my cousin is pregnant, and she and her husband are very excited. Me too, because this means I can knit all kinds of yellow things for their offspring. Sadly, this also means that my mother is hinting even more to my sister and me that she would really appreciate some grandkids. Like ASAP. I informed her that if I became pregnant anytime soon, it would probably be the second coming of Christ. (I thought it was funny. Have you read the blogs about my recent dates? Jesus...) She wasn't amused, what with my flagrant "selfishness is a virtue" attitude and the fact that I wanted to be a nun when I was little, but had figured out by the time I was eight that I was not the ideal candidate. Whatever. In case there's a god and she's reading this, I thought I should probably make a case for myself. Just in case.

Top Ten Reasons Sabrina is the ideal candidate for the next immaculate conception:
10. I can play any Beatles song on the guitar
9. I have some "blood of Christ" like every night
8. I've never done it, but I'm sure I could knit up a shroud or two
7. I know things. Like hockey stuff and grammar stuff.
6. People wouldn't be horrified when I expressed a desire for a peanut butter/pickle/mustard sandwich. Those are freakin' good.
5. My mom, already a saint in my eyes, would probably get inducted or beatified or whatever to the sainthood.
4. The Pope seems like a cool guy. We could hang out.
3. With my looks plus those of the almighty, the kid would be adorable. You know it.
2. When Jesus was born, his family had to flee King Herod to go to Egypt. If I get knocked up and Barack Obama gets elected... we be fleeing to Canada.
1. The savior would be a Butte Rat.

Today's Lesson: If all this works out, I'm switching wine and bread to whiskey and birthday cake. Cool?

I can tell you about knitting, too!

2008-03-24T16:15:00.001-06:00

Hello, friends! I just wanted to let you know that my new knitting blog is up and running. No pics yet, but I'll get on that real soon. Word to your mother!

TIN MITTENS

I gotta write this sh*t down.

2008-03-20T12:57:00.003-06:00

Did you think that my students were the only people who horrify me with the things that come out of their mouths? You were wrong. I've heard some pretty awesome statements lately, partly due to the wonderment that is St. Patrick's Day in the best place ever... In fact, I heard about ten. How convenient! Here they are:

10. Get on the floor. I have vodka. (Boy to Sabrina. Unsuccessful)
9. You look like one of those bags. (Barkeep Sam to woman at the bar)
8. If sh*tting in the bathtub is cool, that makes me Miles Davis. (Callie to general public)
7.Who was that pretty girl you were with? (Student asking me, referencing my mother...)
6. You should go to a nunnery/rehab. Then you could wear a "rehabit!" (Sam the barkeep, to his unnamed patron who is totally at the end of her rope and really considering the sisterhood)
5. I don't know who Anne Bancroft is. (Younger date to me... oh, the irony...)
4. I am a leprechaun, and I would like to dance with you. (Leprechaun at the Times)
3. I'll take a brandy on the rocks. And I'll have a mom on the floor! (Mom & me bantering at the Dollar)
2. Dad! Stop trying to hit on her. She's trying to sing! (guy at the Dollar, to his dad, at open mic night)
1. Will you go to prom with me? (Student to Sabrina. I'm "thinking about it")

People are so amusing.

Today's Lesson: If you wear a bright orange headband to school, realize that students will refer to you as a Ninja Turtle.

Here's My Card! BLLAAAGH!

2008-02-25T15:01:00.000-07:00

Howdy. Did you know that I'm a grown-up? I have a bank account, a real job, I pay for car insurance and such, and I can order things like white wine spritzers when I'm out and about. The one thing that's missing from my grown-upness is a business card, I think. And it would be a lot more convenient to hand it to a dude than have him drunkenly write my phone number on his arm, not that I give out my number to dudes like that. Ahem. The one thing stopping me is the little descriptive phrase that comes under the name. My dad's business card says "Executive Director" and a friend has "professional consultant." What do I put on mine? Teacher Extraordinaire? Best F-ing English Teacher That I Know Of? It's better than telling people that I integrate dynamic solutions for today's business needs, but... crap. I was thinking that one of the following might work; I'm just going to steal a slogan/motto/profession from the media. Here are the top ten possible Sabrina bizcard descriptors I've heard recently. Think of them in terms of "Sabrina H., __________"

10. It's What Happy Tastes Like
9. All the Freshness of Little Italy
8.Bright with fruit and supple in texture, this harmonious white has a generous dose of peach and pear flavors and a hint of honey on the finish
7. Breakfast of Champions
6. A Dark & Sensuous Creature of the Underworld
5. Grown in Four Naturally-Occurring Shades
4. Non-Stop Thrill Ride
3. The Sauce of Weekend Pleasure
2. It's All Pure Butter, One of Life's Pure Pleasures
1. A Gritty Masterpiece

Let me know which one ya'll like best! I might actually print these up, homies.

Today's Lesson: If anyone else says something offensive about Hillary Clinton, Auntie's gonna unleash the "G-damn" word again. Ya heard?!

Okay... That's inappropriate.

2008-02-14T15:08:00.002-07:00

Sometimes, when I'm at school, and I have to break up fights or take candy away or say "ssshhhh!" a lot, I feel like I'm teaching kindercare again. Then the kids open their mouths, and it's clear that I'm not. Here are a few more choice declarations I heard at school... ten more, to be exact.

10.Kid 1:"I don't like El Taco; they never give you enough nacho sauce." Kid 2: "Uh, do you mean cheese?" Kid 1: "No- I mean nacho sau- oh....."
9. "Hey, Ms. H! If you married the math teacher, then you and him (pointing to math teacher's little brother) would be stepsisters!"
8. "Ms. H., you remind me of Buffalo Bill, from 'The Silence of the Lambs.'"
7. "Is that a hash orange?"
6. "Name something that's sensual? Uh, baby showers?"
5. "I have a ghost-proof tent."
4. "I don't need a valentine. Jesus is my valentine."
3. "I hope that you poop your pants while playing basketball!"
2. "Ms. H.! Who is Confucius?" - The funny part is that she pronounced it con-fuck-shus.
1. This one wasn't even said out loud- one of the senior boys threw a pen at me. It hit me in the noggin, then bounced off my shoulder, and then went straight into my cleavage. We stared at each other, then laughed, then I blushed even more when one of the other boys suggested that he could retrieve it for me. Oh boy. How do you write a detention for that?

Today's Lesson: If anything else ends up in my cleavage, I am quitting my job to go work at El Taco. Where I would be paid more.

Ms. H's Cup of Tea

2008-01-31T16:40:00.001-07:00

Hi, ya'll. I was talking to my junior honors class about how much I love "Rock of Chlamydia," the dating show with Bret Michaels. The kids decided I should probably have my own show, and they would call it "Ms. H's Cup of Tea." Isn't that brilliant? Speaking of dating, it's sort of taken over my life. Want an update? I knew you did. Here's some advice on how to capture my heart, taken from my recent dates:

10. Going for pizza is made more enjoyable when your date explains to the next table what dancing with a trout looks like.
9. If you try to kiss me even though it's clear that I might have pneumonia, that's, well, that's something else. Nice effort.
8. Try stating within the first 15 minutes of a date that you hate ________ (insert any ethnicity here). Wow.
7. Point out that your bedroom is decorated just like a room you saw on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."
6. Talk about polygamy. A lot.
5. Point out that your friends will be cool with you going on a date with me, because I'm "not like, THAT old."
4. Tell me all about the orc army that you're building.
3. When I offer to buy you a drink, make sure you ask for a sex on the beach with a blanket. Don't ask for it with a spank of cream, though. People might think you like dudes.
2. Stare at my chest. Chicks love that!
1. Bring me a flower that makes me break out in hives, cross-check me out of the way so that you can open a door for me, and get fit-shaced after one glass of white wine, all in one evening. Also, you should laugh like a monkey hosting a game show. Be still my heart!

There you go... the dates have not been all bad; in fact, it turns out that there are some wonderful young men out there. And some creepy old ones. I'll keep ya'll updated on the situation. It's time to go watch Bret sort through strippers.

Today's Lesson: Don't judge a wizard/orc/dragon master by his lack of trenchcoat and/or cape.

Happy Christmas to me!

2007-12-28T15:44:00.000-07:00

I've had a lovely winter break, and at least 10 great things have happened. In no particular order, they are:

1o. I had a glass of riesling with Tom (no longer with a Ph! or an F, for that matter). We had an enjoyable, and, dare I say, inevitable evening.
9. I haven't been to the movie theater in a while. I saw two feature films this week, and only one sucked. Hooray!
8. I got the best Christmas present imaginable (no, I didn't get bagpipes... even better!)
7. I got offered a bartending job. We'll see how that goes.
6. Tonight I'm going to see the Buttenik Ensemble with my sister. Whoooo!
5. The play is over. And no, that's not the best Christmas present ever, either. Close.
4. I returned disastrous sweater gifts and bought myself ridiculously expensive perfume.
3. I beat my dad at Guitar Hero.
2. Since the emancipation of Sabrina, two dress sizes have also been emancipated. My butt looks good.
1. I have been surrounded by the most wonderful people that I know of for the past week. (My family.)

Sorry to end it on such a sappy note, but I had to. It's Christmastime!

Today's Lesson: When a boy hands you a poem in a bar and tells you that your myspace picture inspired it, make sure you read it, and make sure he knows that you read it. It was a good poem.

In local news...

2007-12-14T21:09:00.000-07:00

It's clearly time for an update. Life has been ridiculous lately, for various reasons. The play at the Orphan Girl, in which I play the mother, has taken over my life. Holy crap. I had no idea it would be this time consuming!
Auntie is doing well, in other local news. We hang out.
We're hosting a speech & debate tournament here tomorrow, at Tech. 26 schools are coming! I'm pretty excited to be up there at 6:45 am and then leave there at 5:30 pm to get to the play, which is over around 9:00. There is so much on my plate that it's spilling over onto the tablecloth and I have nowhere to set my beverage. Alas.
School is awesome, as usual. I am looking forward to Christmas break, though.
As far as personal life, I feel like I'm living in a Dali painting. Where do I meet all these "interesting", poetry-writing, complement-spouting dudes? You don't even want to know. I had another lovely date (different dude from the shrimp-throwing incident), and I think things might progress. He lives out of town, but he's from here, which is always a good sign. He's a very nice guy.
I also have some interesting prospects elsewhere, but I'll have to wait to update ya'll on that. I know I sound like a total snot, but hey- it's nice to be asked out on dates. It just is. It's wine-time and bedtime.

Sweet dreams, homies.

Today's Lesson: Always be aware of your skirt in proximity to the curtain that is rising behind you. Flashing the audience and swearing in front of six-year olds is, apparently, frowned upon.

Once upon a Wednesday...

2007-11-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

So... something happened last night that put a few things in perspective. (Don't worry, it was a good thing.)

When it comes to young men, it would appear that my standards are a bit low (I've always preferred unattractive guys, I overlook things like the fact that they read dragon novels, etc.)Usually, you don't recognize what you have until it's gone- Suddenly, it's the opposite. I now know where to set the bar, and it's here:
He should make me laugh.
He should not write me poetry.
He should buy me a drink.
He should let me buy him a drink.
He should have no problem letting me know if he's enjoying himself.
He should not feel awkward.
He should be fun to look at. :)
He should make fun of me if a shrimp tail flies out of my hand and lands far away.
He should acknowledge that I'm kinda pretty.

It was so nice to have a decent date.... I'll keep ya'll updated. :)

A NEW NUMBER 1!

2007-11-28T13:56:00.000-07:00

Here's the new number one for the things that come out of my students' mouths. Today, one of the seniors said, I kid you not: "That's what I said when I was nailing my grandma... uh, to a cross." This was in response to the accusation, made by another student, that his grandmother was ugly. Oh boy.

Or I could be a nun...

2007-11-27T11:55:00.000-07:00

(Another gem from the archives) I wrote this when I was unsure if I had a job...

So, finding a full-time, awesome English teaching job in Butte is proving to be quite tedious. The impossible dream? perhaps. But I love this town- love it! So I'm determined to stay here, even if I can't teach, maybe. I might just have to start a business or something. Here are a few ideas I came up with:

The Drunken Haircut - I'm pretty good at this. Just ask my friend Tom about the sweet mullet he received from my roommates and me (special thanks to Carlo Rossi.)

Honest Evaluations of Your Appearance - For $20, I will affirm your worst fears.

Meat Clown - My old debate partner and I came up with this one. Interpret this as you will...

Stretchpants 'R Us - If I opened up this place right next to the Party Palace, I'd be rollin' in the dough. Maybe we could sell giant Tweety Bird sweatshirts and Miami Dolphins puffy coats to complete the look.

Sabs' New & Used Man-Thongs - I would knit the new ones myself!

Internet Genealogy/Dating Site - I think this would be pretty popular in the South and Anaconda.

I Can't Believe People Eat This Crap - It's a good name for a restaurant, I think.

The Mime Depot & Liquor Store - One-stop shopping for all of your slutty mime and gin parties.

Whiskey on Wheels - Aha! This is brilliant. As soon as the government gives me the go-ahead, I'm going to start a liquor delivery service. Why not order up a few maragaritas when you order your pizza?

Just Mayonnaise! - Enough said. Located again, conveniently, near the Party Palace. Free NASCAR beer cozy with every 5 jars!

Holy crap. I should have been a business major. I think it's time to have a few and practice haircuts. Bye!

Some wines get better with age...

2007-11-26T16:32:00.000-07:00

... But only if the grapes were good in the first place. :) I thought it might be fun to unearth a few items from the Brina blog archive. Wheee! I'll be doing this for the next few days. I thought we could start with...

The Fabulous Life Of...

2007-11-26T16:25:00.000-07:00

... Sabrina!

So, I was watching VH1 the other day, and it occurred to me that the lives of celebrities pretty much pale in comparison to mine. Mmm hmm. So, I give you the Fabulous Life of Sabrina. Imagine this being read by the VH1 guy with the accent.

Sporty cars, palatial mansions, wads of cash- sounds like your average celebrity, right? But we're talking about Sabrina, Butte's latest It-girl, who is anything but average.

Nightlife
After a long day of teaching and knitting, it's no wonder that Sabrina could use a drink. But not just any watering hole will suffice- she frequents only the most exclusive Butte hotspots, like the Silver Dollar and Quarry Brewing. At the Dollar, she's a regular in the VIP section at the end of the bar, where she can wave to her students and paparazzi as they roll past on Main St. In fact, she's such a VIP that the Monday night bartender, her gal pal Callie B., even named a drink after her- The Sabrina Surprise.

Cars
Sabrina makes the commute from the West Side to the hill daily in her rugged, sporty, and totally personalized ride. Celebs like Sabrina rarely have to shell out the cash for such sweet wheels- that's right, her blue GMC Safari, the "Candyvan," was a gift. Complete with rust and self-possessed windshield wipers, this is the ultimate in luxury. Sabrina souped up her ride with an air freshener and an assortment of Rod Stewart cd's, and has painstakingly decorated the lush backseat with Diet Coke cans and her Latin textbooks.

Home
When she's not teaching high-schoolers, coaching debate, or partying it up at posh nightclubs, Sabrina spends time at her palatial Butte home. She shares the estate, equipped with amenities like washer and dryer, cable television, and a pond, with her great aunt. Her favorite spot in the house? The living area, where she can often be found lounging on the vintage 1994-esque couch, drinking tea and watching hockey on the 24" bigscreen tv.

Clothes
Butte's local It-girl wears only the finest threads, from shops like The Mothbox and A&F. Like her handbag? Too bad- you can't have one, because it's a designer original. That's right- Sabrina knit it herself. And her rainbow striped beanie? Don't even think about it-her students have been requesting these since September.

Food
Finding decent vegetarian fare can be tough, but not in an urban mecca like Butte, Montana. When overcome with hunger, she can be seen eating the delicious fare at trendy hotspots like the Broadway Cafe, Noodles & Wraps, the Hummingbird, or the Venus Rising. Paparazzi have sighted her at Muzz & Stan's, home of the Wop Chop, but she vehemently denies it.

Ah, the glamorous life of Sabrina.

Watch your mouth!

2007-11-26T15:15:00.000-07:00

I love my job.
Here are the Top Ten most awesome things that have come out of my students' mouths this year:

10. "There's no such thing as Google.edu!" - After explaining research techniques to the seniors, I explained that .edu, .gov., and .org sites are often better resources than .com sites. One of them took it a little too literally.
9. "Poor little polar bear. Someone should shoot him." - One of the students was researching global warming and came across a polar bear whose habitat has become nonexistent. My students are so compassionate.
8. "Would you like to join my Harry Potter Fan Club?" - Uh... no.
7. "Do I seriously have to draw a waffle on my works cited page?" - What?
6. "Do you have a knife?" - English class is not always a favorite for our foreign exchange students, and sometimes they take their grammar anger out on me. A Korean student marched up to my desk and asked for a knife- even though he just had a string on his sweater, and he meant "scissors", it still scared me. And the freshmen. We all had a nice, nervous laugh about it afterward.
5. "You must really like Einstein." - One of the freshmen said this to me while pointing out the multiple pictures/posters of Shakespeare in my classroom...
4. "For my Native American creative project, I chose the Zulu tribe, located in South Africa." - Enough said.
3. "Here's a picture of me as a centaur." - Thanks!
2. "What would you do if I came to school, and it was still me, but I like, had the head of an antelope?" - I would pet your noggin and then make you write. :)
1. "Hey, Ms. H., can I buy you a beer?" Oh boy....

This is just the list so far. Can you see why I dig my job so much? I'll keep ya'll updated when even more awesome things come out.

Today's Lesson: If you're going to join a Harry Potter club, make sure they have a decent sorting hat.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

2007-11-25T15:22:00.000-07:00

Has it seriously been years since I last updated this thing? What is wrong with me? Can ya'll forgive me? Ok, thanks.

I thought it would be nice to revisit the old format, and I have a lot to be happy about, so here are a few of my most recent favorite things:

10. Pineapple jalapeno margaritas
9. Your mom. (just kidding. My Auntie Margie. We live in a sweet old house on the West Side, and we hang out and watch pirate movies and talk about Butte. She's awesome.)
8. Brina's livin' life in the fast lane, pimpin' it. Well, that's what Common says. To translate for the white people, that means I'm single. Whheeee!
7. Wine. duh.
6. My awesome job. I can't believe I get paid to talk to amazing kids about books all day. Sure, judging by the paycheck, I'm technically volunteering, but hey.
5. Tom Robbins books.
4. I am in a play! Whoooo! Come and see it, ya'll. It starts December 13th. It's at the Orphan Girl Theater.
3. Butte.
2. I just knitted the most awesome handbag. Even the hip-and-with-it girls at school think it's cool. Yeah, me.
1. Did I mention I'm single?

There you have it. How could I not be a little ray of sunshine at this point in my life?

Today's lesson: When in doubt, give thanks.

Blog! Oh, how I have longed for thee!

2004-09-17T20:10:00.000-06:00

Alas, I shall update the blog. Sorry for the, uh, monthlong hiatus, ya'll. I've been a bit busy. Lots busy. Here's the update: My grandmother passed away on August 4th, the day after my divorce was final. I started school a few weeks ago, and thought I could handle 3 methods courses + 3 electives + 38 hrs/week of work. I had to cut back, ya'll, and by doing so, I now have time to blog. Hooray. So that's what's up.
In other news, things in my life are going ridiculously well. School is hard but enjoyable, I'm being gradually phased out at work (since I'm leaving to student teach in a few months), which means less responsibility, I live with 4 cool guys, I've become "very good friends" with an old friend*shout out to R_n_B*, and my recently broken *again* toe is feeling better. I promise promise promise that I'll write more often- there are plenty of top ten's still hidden under my thinking cap. Have a lovely day, and I'll see ya'll soon!

Today's Lesson: I saw a guy wearing a skirt today. Big ups.

“This May Not be My Best Day…” – Michael Penn

2004-08-11T22:36:00.000-06:00

For the most part, I’m quite the Positive Polly. Not so much today. Little tiny lame things keep happening. But it’s ok- I’ll be back to happy shiny S tomorrow.

Top Ten Reasons S is Making a Grumpy Face Right Now

1. It’s B’s last day at work. That’s sad. I will miss the pirate noises, his counter-commentary on NPR, and the afro for the white man (but it’s beautiful!)
2. I’m kinda hungover.
3. And real tired, too. Spending a week with the family under stressful and sad conditions does not an energetic S make.
4. I’m confused about a friend. And a friend’s friend. And future interaction with said parties. Hmmmm.
5. I would rather have a tetanus shot in my face than deal with the Financial Aid department at the U. Actually, I would rather just pay the balance of my account with a credit card than try to find out why half of my scrilla isn’t showing up yet. Whatever.
6. All I ate yesterday was vegetables. Gross. I tried to make up for that by drinking a lot.
7. My house has a bit of an insect issue. As in, spiders are frickin everywhere, and whether you think I’m a bad feminist or not, I can’t wait for my boy roommates to come home and kill them.
8. Despite several washings, the dark blob on the front of my “I Got Derailed at the Depot- Butte, MT” shirt won’t come off. *Tear*.
9. J, the VP of Safety Stuff at work, is leaving today, too. Could this be the end of the Weekly Safety Flash? I sure as hell hope not.
10.My favorite Michael Jackson cd is broken, and I can’t bring myself to throw it away. I just stare at it, there on the floor of my car, and put the back of my hand to my forehead.

Thanks for listening.

I Love My Grandma.

2004-08-02T22:55:00.000-06:00

Hello, friends. Today my Grandma Stella had a heart attack. She's in the hospital right now, and they're trying to figure out what's going on. I cried alot at work, and I came up with the top 483,938,993 reasons why my grandma is the best. Here are the top ten:

Top Ten Reasons My Grandma Stella is the Best Grandma Ever

1. Happy: Grandma is happy all the time, like me. I've only seen her visibly upset once, and that's amazing. She's so positive, and so wonderful to be around.
2. Instead of calling a hug "a hug", she calls it "a love". As in, "Come here and give me a love!" The two are synonymous for her.
3. She's been through so much in her lifetime (the deaths of 5 siblings, the war, the decline of Butte, etc., etc.,) and is still so positive.
4. She, like most grandmas, has a smell. She smells like face powder, cinnamon, and Dove soap. 5. With Papa Dan: I can't really explain this one- you'd have to see her with my grandpa. They've been together over 50 years, and they're so content with each other. She can anticipate what he'd like for dinner, and he can answer her before she finishes a question. They're the best granparents ever, and the best married people ever.
6. Books! My grandma has worked at a bookstore (Books & Books in uptown Butte. Check it out) for as long as I can remember. When we - my cousins and me- were little, and even now, we would and do get books for birthdays and Christmas. I'm pretty sure she and my Nana are the reason I'm into fancy book-learnin'.
7. She takes care of everyone. Of me, grandpa, my aunts and uncles, her grandchildren, her great-grandchild, the neighbor's dog, the neighbors, everbody.
8. She makes the best damn Tom & Jerry's in the world.
9. When we were little, my cousins and I were allowed to play with everything we could get our hands on. Pianos, clothes, angel figurines, the dog, everything. Even now, hers is the only house in which I feel comfortable picking up and playing with whatever I want.
10. The world is a better place because she's in it. Mother Theresa said, "Let no one come to you without leaving better and happier." There you go. That's grandma. I hope that she stays in the world for a long time.

Today's Lesson: Call your grandparents.

A Ming Vase? A Wy-O-Ming Vase!

2004-07-30T22:18:00.000-06:00

Speaking of art and culture... I know a guy from eastern Montana who says that there are two kinds of art: Movies (specifically, Hoosiers) and Charlie Russell paintings. Oh boy... I think I'm gonna have to go ahead and disagree. (Hoosiers is great, but every C.M. Russell painting looks the same. (I always tell people that I like the one with the horse in it. Or the buffalo. ) I have ten favorite paintings, and old Charlie didn't make the cut. My friend Kim did, though.

S's Top Ten Paintings

1. In the Car - Roy Lichtenstein: So great. Holy crap. I can't even explain how much I love this painting. I love the movement, the lines, the color... everything about it. See it!
2. Composition with Red, Yellow, and Blue : Piet Mondrian: I don't care if a six year old could paint it. It's brilliant. See it!
3. Girl With a Pearl Earring- Jan Vermeer: I loved the painting even before I loved Colin Firth in ruffles in the movie about this painting. See it!
4. Guitar - Pablo Picasso: FRICKIN BRILLIANT. Picasso once said, "You must rip and tear at reality." Word, dawg.
See it!
5. Ad Parnassum - Paul Klee: I actually saw this painting at the Picasso Museum in Berlin. It's huge and incredible. See it!
6. Welcome to Pirate Country - drew: I love it. It's not exactly revolutionary or anything, but still wonderful. See it!
7. Untitled (Garlic & Handbag) - Kim Yeager: Kim used to sit at the front desk of our dorm and paint for her entire shift. That's great. And she's great! I don't have a picture of this one. You have to make a special visit to Le Galerie Sabrina (my bedroom).
8. Starry Night - Van Gogh: I love this one so much, I even had "Starry Night" checks once. See it!
9. Dancer Readjusting Her Slipper - Degas: absolutely beautiful. BEAUTIFUL! See it!
10.The School of Athens - Raphael: Dude knew what he was doing. See it!

Check these out, dawgs. Chances are, you could use a little culture, even if it doesn't involve Indiana basketball or buffalo.

"Candida Albicans" is taken, too? Damn...

2004-07-27T21:03:00.000-06:00

You wanted the best, you got the er- next ten best. Here are ten more fabulous band/album/song names for you to feast upon. Get on these!

The Sequel to S's Top Ten Band Names:

1. Sporadic Housepainting: a friend of a friend does this for a living.
2. Eustucion Tube: dude. Before you start correcting someone's pronunciation, check yoself!
3. Gonorrhea Bench: O's sister used to sit on one of these. It has something to do with the FDA. It's not gross or anything. I swear.
4. An Australian's Worst Nightmare: Go watch Spinal Tap. Now!
5. Leonardo DiCaprio's Approach to Autism: An acting term, or a way of life?
6. Your Fish is a Goth: E's fish, who is summering at my place, does not like natural light. At least it doesn't listen to art metal.
7. F*#$ SAFETY! : While in the middle of the "safety dance" at work, O let loose a little safety flash of her own.
8. For the Good of Oprah: ... I didn't stalk her while she was in town recently. I didn't want to creep her out. Y'know?
9. Leopard Print Stretchpants: Stop by my cubicle, if possible, and ask to see the picture of Rod Stewart. I can say no more.
10. On the Trampoline With My Hockey Stick: In addition to drinking lots of Molson and getting a mullet, I plan to train for the upcoming hockey season like this.

Hooray for clever band names. However, in the words of Nigel Tufnel, of Spinal Tap: "There's a fine line, between... clever... and... stupid." And who can argue with England's loudest, and most punctual band?

Drinking with ex-Coworkers = so much fun!

2004-07-19T22:11:00.000-06:00

On Friday night, I had the pleasure of going out on the town with Mandy & Mindy, two sisters who used to work here. They're great, and I miss them! We went to a lame lame lame bar with a DJ who played terrible hip-hop, and then to Al's & Vic's, and then to an "afterparty" at some guy's house. Here are:

The Top Ten Things I Heard While Rollin' with Mandy & Mindy

1. Dude- don't lay in my burronto! : I've never heard of a "burronto" before. It appeared to resemble a burrito, until it was on the floor. Even then, Lance was quite protective of it.
2. I'll take 3 double-whiskey diets. Do you want anything, Mindy? : Enough said.
3.Why weren't there any pregnant strippers in your van? : It was somebody's bachelor party, so a bunch of guys went to Fred's in a creepy van for the occasion. I mentioned to Mandy that a reliable source had indicated the presence of pregant strippers there. So Mandy inquired.
4. You're my favorite! : I saw a guy at A's&V's with a Lucky Lager hat on. I told him it was cool, and that Lucky was my favorite. He responded, drunkenly, with the above quote.
5. Here are the hors de'ouvres. The cheese for them is over there in that Pepsi cup. : This may have had something to do with the burronto...
6. I don't care if he's from Wyoming or not. Get on that. : No, Mandy. He's still from Wyoming.
7. [dancing with Mindy] is like getting a free lap dance. : Seriously. It is. And I mean that in the best possible way. She's like something out of a J.Lo video.
8. *sing* Girls just want to have.... um... beer! And.... Canadians! : A combined effort on the part of Mindy and myself to spice up her lame work shirt.
9. Drink the whiskey from that little boot! : Somebody *ahem, Mandy* was pouring whiskey into anything that resembled a shot glass, and encouraging everyone to drink up. She found a little glass replica of Luke Skywalker's boot, and proceeded to fill it up.
10. Be successful- eat meat! : Some guy, who horked when I dropped him off, had a shirt that said this on it. He thought it would be funny to repeat this phrase over and over, while hiccupping, to this vegetarian. Clearly, he's more successful than I am.

Today's Lesson: Don't try to keep up with Mindy, in terms of dancing, alcohol, or otherwise.

Well, since “Little Elmo & The Mambo Kings” is taken…

2004-07-14T14:26:00.000-06:00

…I thought I’d offer up my top eleven band names of all time. None of these are actual bands, as far as I’m aware- these are just clever things that people have said, mostly at work. Shout out to the Safety Team! Anyway, feel free to use these at your will. They work as band names, rap aliases, and album/song names. Hey E: you know that Michael Jackson cover band that were gonna start with cello, guitar, and marimba? I think we should roll with number 2.  Here we go!

1. Lobster-Related Tchotchkes: This one came up after a discussion of my growing collection of tacky knickknacks that I demand of people who travel. We agreed that Wyoming is the ultimate place to find tacky tchotchkes, Hawaii is second (stop on by my cubicle and see the horned-duck Maui porcelain jewelry box O hooked me up with). We think that Maine would be pretty bad, too, as far as knickknacks go.
2. Goths Who Like Hockey: OK, so I got hit on a couple of times by a guy with the lamest tattoo ever... and it made O think of this. Tattoos that combine death and hockey are a no-no. Unless you're Vladislav Tretiak.
3.Hippie With Bling: One of my 6 bosses used this term to refer to her daughter. Awesome.
4.Cox Damage In the Rear: There aren’t too many locating jokes, and this one is my favorite. Honorable mention: "Broken and Blowing", and "I Got a Broken 2 Incher."
5.2-Sāf : This one works best for a rap name. I figure that as a rapper, you have to change your name at least twice if you want to stay in the game- I have a few on standby, including S-Tasty, S Ho, and IceTray. (Also, you should make safety a priority every day.)
6.Beer Farm: If locating and data entry weren’t my true passions, I would probably work here. I only support free-range beer farms, though.
7.The Mint Out of My Fish Thing: props to B for coming up with this one… Do with it what you will…
8.Ear Bong: Oh boy… O and I were trying to demonstrate to B what “ear candling” looks like. And apparently, it looks like an ear bong. I don’t know.
9.Paganity: Sometimes B makes up words. Interestingly, I think that we were discussing John Kerry when this one came up.
10.Bean/Beef Debacle: This is what happens when you don’t enunciate at Taco Time (see Top Ten Birthday Events below).
11.Illegal Mixed-Drinks Cart: I’m going to open up one of these at work. And I’m going to serve beer with a paper bag and a straw.

Alrighty. Go pick up your clarinet and get on these. Word up!

PS- If ya’ll have any suggestions for upcoming S Top Tens, hook me up!

You Say it’s Your Birthday!

2004-07-13T15:07:00.000-06:00

It’s my birthday too, yeah! Yesterday I turned 22. And, like every other day, it was absolutely wonderful! I had a great day, and a rather eventful one. Here’s what happened:

Top Ten Birthday Events!

1.I spent a full hour in the sunshine. With SPF 45 all over me (safety first!).
1.(We have a tie!) I received excellent presents, including Nilla Wafers, a moon incense thing, a can of Lucky lager, and a t-shirt that says “If I had a dollar for every time I had sixty cents, I would be Canada.” Awesome.
2.I ate gross meat. Apparently, “bean” and “beef” are the same thing at the lame taco place on Reserve that a coworker said was good. Gross, dude. I seriously threw up a little. Clearly, the high-school boy crafting my lunch didn’t know that I’m the Birthday Princess. The Vegetarian Birthday Princess. He could tell I was a pirate, though.
3.I bought a crown. It was obnoxious, and I wore it all day. Because I am the Birthday Princess.
4.I got a song dedicated to me on the radio. Without even calling in! Thanks, L!
5.The VP of accounting asked me to show her how to tap dance. That was just plain weird. Flattering weird.
6.E finally got a frickin phone! We haven’t talked in a week. I was starting to get the shakes.
7.My dad called me 7 times. 5 times to talk about tires and brakes, and 2 times to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
8.My Aunt Kim called! Her daughters, Madi & Kenni, are the cutest little things ever. They sang “Happy Birthday to you, CHA CHA CHA!”
9.I drank a pint glass of jug wine! Bill Brasky!
10.I wrote a song. Two, actually. But one of them was way lame. I think I’m too happy to sing the blues. Or work at Hot Topic. Or listen to Tool.

Thank you to E, O, B, & WYgirl at Initech, L at KBGA, Carlo Rossi, ToothpasteForDinner, the guy at the bank, J at UNC, and my family for your birthday wishes, and for helping to make my day so wonderful. I *heart* ya’ll!

Even though they don't have Molson on tap....

2004-07-06T21:06:00.000-06:00

...These are my favorite bars. With such a category, how could I limit it to ten? This list, ladies and gentlemen, goes to 11.

S-Tasty's Top Ten Bars!!!

1. The M&M - Butte, MT: Hands down, the best bar ever. EVER!!! And it looks like they're going to open it back up! Whooooo!
2. The Silver Dollar - Butte, MT: I have fond memories of seeing blues bands there in high school. I mean... I was 21. Totally.
3. Al('s) & Vic's - Missoula, MT: pronunciation varies depending on how old you are. This place is great. It's also my #2 favorite thing about Missoula.
4. The Harp & Thistle - Anaconda, MT: I used to play guitar here in high school. Er... when I was 21. Yeah.
5. The Silver Mill - Philipsburg, MT: It's fun to go here with E in the middle of the day and have numerous Bloody Maries.
6. The Top Hat - Missoula, MT: $5 all you can drink beer night? Wassssuppp! Who cares if the band sucks and you have to sit at a table with vocal majors?
7. The Sip & Dip - Great Falls, MT: I had the most surreal experience of my life here. I was in a tiki bar with a window to a swimming pool, surrounded by people I used to go to school with, having a drink with an 86 year-old woman who ordered a "Sex on the Beach"...
8. The Acoma - Butte, MT: They have a mural of uptown Butte on the wall. That's great!
9. The Press Box - Missoula, MT: I like to watch hockey here. Sometimes their margaritas taste like they have butter in them, but they make up for that by having bottles of Molson.
10. Einstein - Stuttgart, Baden-Wurtenburg, Germany: Awesome. There was a life-size neon Albert Einstein, and a bunch of neon equations on the wall. I had my first drink ever at this bar!
11. Finn & Porter - Missoula, MT: The only classy joint on the list, really. A good place to drink with your parents.

And there it is- S's Top Ten Bars of all time. If you don't believe me, I think that you should make it a point to visit, nay, frequent each establishment on this list, and rank them in your preferred order. Next, to continue the Butte theme, I'll be ranking my top ten churches and places to get into fistfights. Just kidding.

Today's Lesson: Stay away from Flipper's. Shudder.

Because I can find beauty in anything…

2004-06-24T16:18:00.000-06:00

Despite the fact that I think the Zoo-Town is not exactly paradise (you have to go about 115 miles SE for that), I have found some good things within it. Missoula still isn’t my favorite place, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t have favorite places in Missoula. There are definitely things that don’t suck about living here- at least 10, anyway.

Top Ten Favorite Things In and About Missoula, MT:

1. Greenough Park- It’s like the park in Spokane and Washoe Park in Anaconda, but with more greenery. And there’s a trail that smells just like peanut butter!
2. Al's & Vic's – It’s like a Butte bar, without all the fighting and “You’s guys”.
3. El Cazador – Sooooo good! Mmmmmm! I get all smiley just thinking about it. And everything tastes better when you’ve had 3+ margaritas!
4. Taco Del Sol – The best damn burrito under $3 I’ve ever had. Take that, Taco Bell!
5. There are people here. Out and about and in the street – The uptown in Butte is my favorite place, but there aren’t really a lot of people up in there. Here in Missoula, ya’ll have mad crazy pedestrians. I think it’s great. Except when I’m driving.
6. Women's Hockey Team – How great is that? Not only is there a man’s hockey league, which in western MT is in itself a feat, but a women’s hockey team! Whoooo!
7. KBGA – it’s great. The other day I called up, and I asked if they were taking requests, and the DJ man was all, “Is this S?”. Yup – I’m that girl. And that’s ok!
8. Staggering Ox – not really exclusive to Missoula, but still one of my favorite things. It was one of my favorite things about Helena, too, and that’s saying a lot.
9. BrewFest – Ok- let me get this straight- I pay $5, and I get to try lotsa microbrews, and I get to keep the glass? Sign me up!
10. Good Food Store – It’s like the Real Food Store in Helena, where I worked, but without the sage-rituals and the made-up names. It smells the same, though.

So there we have it. Just as I’ve somehow managed to find the 3 nice people that live in Nebraska, I’ve also managed to find 10 great things about Missoula. Maybe my relationship with Missoula will change the way it did with Butte, and I’ll like it more after I get the hell out of here. I’ll let you know.

Today’s Lesson: There is beauty in everything, and sometimes you have to go to a bar to find it.

No, really, can I buy you a drink?

2004-06-16T20:46:00.000-06:00

I don't even care if you speak English.

Tonight is Wednesday night. That means that it's $5 All You Can Drink Beer Night at the Top Hat. Which means that a few lucky young ladies will find themselves fending off creepy hippies with terrible pick-up lines. (Welcome to Missoula). So, for the occasion, I thought I'd help a guy out and hook ya'll up with my

Top Ten Favorite Pick-Up Lines

1. Hi, I'm ________. I put out.
2. LITTLE BO PEEEEEPPPP!!!!
3. Y'know, I'm a total pushover.
4. Do your feet hurt cause you fell from heaven? (What?)
5. Ohmigod! Where are my pants?
6. You remind me of my mom.
7. I like girls that don't wear pants.
8. I do independent data entry. Wassup.
9. I believe everything I read. I think that makes me more of a selective human.
10.Do you listen to "Oatkast" (it is essential to use a Canadian accent!)

So there you have it. These should work better than what you're using now. And take a bath.

Do you speak English? Can I buy you a drink?

2004-06-14T20:26:00.000-06:00

I apologize if this list is offensive to anyone. Not because of the subject matter, but because of the people on the list. I hope that you don't throw up a little! I've been compiling this list in my head since about middle school, when it occurred to me that the one thing boys wanted was not my homework (thanks, Dad). It turns out that boys aren't gross. Not all of them anyway. Just the ones in these parts. Alrighty- point the fan at yourself and get the butter- here we go!

S-Tasty's "To Do" List. Hehee!

1. Paul McCartney - his birthday is on Friday. He's 214.
2. Patrick Roy - pronounced "Wah", or, if you're me, Waa-waaa--waaaaahhhh! Calm down, S!
3. Rod Stewart - shut up. SHUT UP!
4. Martin St. Louis - there are a number of reasons why this talented young man should not be wearing a Tampa Bay jersey, and I can think of a really good one...
5. Michael Penn - I wonder if he's a better dancer than his brother, Chris. One would hope so.
6. Peter Forsberg - how do you say "I want you to want me" in Swedish?
7. Gavin Rossdale - Even though I'd probably melt within seconds of touching his ridiculously gorgeous, wavy, espresso-colored hair...
8. Prince - there is no one more sensual than Prince. No one.
9. Jack Black - how fun would that be?
10. Wayne Gretzky - The Great One, eh? Prove it.

And there you have it. The most luscious-est men in the history of ever, to me. I would be quite interested to see your list... hook me up, dawgs!

Honorable Mentions: Owen Wilson, Vincent Lecavelier, Erik Von Detten, JC Chasez, Judd Nelson, John Cusack.

The hills are alive... with the sound of me throwing up a little....

2004-06-08T20:49:00.000-06:00

Normally, I try to stay very positive, but not today. Today I shall let loose upon you, like a rain of sulphur, the top ten things that sucked this week.

Top Ten Things That Sucked - June 1 through June 8

1. The Calgary flames did not win the Stanley Cup. Shhhh. I don't want to talk about it...
2. Ronald Reagan died. My favorite president. I teared up- I'm not gonna lie to you.
3. There's a person that I know, who seemed really great at first, but upon further inspection, is entirely lame. Now I have to deport this person from S-Land. Which is lovely in the fall.
4. I heard Clay Aiken on the radio.
5. Did I mention that a made-up hockey team won the frickin' Stanley Cup? I bet that if I threw money at a bunch of luscious French-Canadian hockey players, I'd probably score too, though, eh?
5. There's only one bar in town that has Molson on tap, and it's assy.
6. The fabulous E will be departing at the end of the week. That makes this week suck, too.
7. The Dr. Mindy diet isn't working!
8. My chair at work is all crazy-like. I thought I had conquered the chair, but it would not appear so.
9. The second most luscious hockey player in the history of ever plays for a made up lame hockey team that totally didn't deserve the cup, on the premise that,philosophically, they don't really exist. Because it's Florida. He should play for a real team. Somewhere around here, please.
10. I can't find my favorite R.E.M. cd. Lame.

So there you go. I suppose there are worse things in the world, but these are the things that are angering me right now. Except Clay Aiken, who angers me all the time.

Yeah, the Bay City Rollers were way cool- until they like, sold out or whatever.

2004-06-03T20:27:00.000-06:00

Sorry, Mom - the Bay City Rollers didn't quite make the cut for S's Top Ten Musicians/Bands of all time. It doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means that the Bay City Rollers kind of suck. This list, like my Top Ten Films list, has very little to do with symbolic expression, or even with musical ability- because if I went solely on musical ability, Tool would make the list, and I mean, I like bad high school poetry as much as the next gal, but, they're lame. And creepy. This is not the Top Ten Bands of all time- this is S-Tasty's Top Ten Bands of All Time. If you don't like it, go make your own damn list.

S's Top Ten Musical Artists of All Time, Ever:

1. The Beatles. You can't deny it. And if you claim to not like any of their songs, you clearly haven't listened to enough. Their sound changes from each album to the next, and I find it baffling that the same four guys that did "She Loves You" also did "Don't Let Me Down."
2. Michael Jackson. But- shut it. I don't care if he's creepy. Maybe he thinks you're creepy. So there.
3. Aimee Mann. Go listen to "Invisible Ink" and tell me that's not your life.
4. Michael Penn. Ms. Mann's ridiculously boyishly handsome husband. And Sean Penn's brother. And, oh yeah, a hell of a songwriter.
5. James Taylor. Sweet Baby James, if you're nasty.
6. *NSYNC. Just shut up. Remember what I said about this not being a list based on musical ability...
7. R.E.M. Go get yerself a glass of wine, hop in the tub, think about your latest bout of unrequited love, and put on "Strange Currencies." Beautiful.
8. Rod Stewart. Get the butter.
9. No Doubt. They're excellent, and fun, and creative, and Gwen makes shirts out of boy's underpants.
10. Fiona Apple. No wine allowed for this musical experience. Or sharp objects. Good for winter days when you're in high school and boys are, as is to be expected, sucking, and not thinking you're wonderful, even though you totally are, it's just that they're probably intimidated, y'know? Not that I would know anything about that.

And there you have it. This maiden hath beared her *tasteless* soul. Honorable mentions go to AFI, MXPX, the Cranberries, Mandy Moore, and Bob Dylan.

Film Noir, Film "nah", or Film "NAAAAGGGHH!"

2004-06-02T15:01:00.000-06:00

At last, the day has come, where the fabulous S-Tasty shall reveal her Top Ten Most Favoritest Movies ever. It's important to point out that I didn't pick these movies on their artistic merit, in most cases, or what they have to say. I picked them because I like them, not because I didn't understand them but somebody in the Liberal Arts building told me they were like, way expressive and rife with symbolism. Lame. Alright, let's shoot that *****!

S's Top Ten Favorite Movies Ever!

1. Moulin Rouge - Don't you just hate it when your one true love, who happens to be a hooker, dies of consumption? How many times have we gone throught that one?
2. The Breakfast Club - Don't you.... forget about me. Or Judd Nelson. Dude was harsh.
3. The Godfather - *Cue violin music* - I know it was you, Fredo. And it breaks my heart.
4. The Red Violin - *Cue more violin music* - But what happened to the baby!!!
5. Fight Club - First rule of Fight Club = Brad Pitt is an alien experiment, too gorgeous and luscious to be a mere mortal.
6. Lilo and Stitch - Pudge controls the weather.
7. Romeo & Juliet - Good thing Baz Luhrman missed that day in film school when they talked about never ever casting Leonardo DiCaprio.
8. Back to the Future - How cute is Michael J. Fox? Don't you just want to take him out to play? And, he's Canadian.
9. Giant - James Dean's last movie. *Tear*. And Elizabeth Taylor's annoyingness is totally cancelled out by Rock Hudson.
10. Josie & the Pussycats - Oooh! Coasters!

Honorable Mentions: HELP!, Miracle, Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion, A River Runs Through It, Interview with The Vampire, & A Clockwork Orange. Go put on a beret and watch some of these, dawg!

No, Danielle Steel didn't make the list...

2004-05-26T20:06:00.000-06:00

Someone finally decided to comment on the blinding magnificence that is my blog (shout-out to the next cubicle over)- *hint, hint*. Gather up the kleenex and "The Best of Barry Manilow"; here are S's.......
Top Ten Pieces of Literature Regarding Love

1. Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez. (Or, if you're at Barnes & Noble, Gabriel Marquez Garcia. Hosers.)
2. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald (Have ya'll ever seen the movie Happy, Texas? Y'know that part where Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr. says "The light is green!"? Totally reminds me of The Great Gatsby. I know, lame.)
3. Anthem - Ayn Rand (Nothing says love like "I'd give up living in our lame communist futuristic society to be with you.")
4. Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand (Only in this book is it okay to love someone for their money.)
5. Eloisa to Abelard - Alexander Pope (For a creepy little British man, this guy sure knows what's up.)
6. Romeo & Juliet - Billy Shakespeare (I'm not gonna lie to you- When I saw the Baz Luhrman version, I started crying hysterically when R & J saw each other through the fishtank, because I knew what was going to happen. I cry at Home Depot commercials, too.)
7. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez-Garcia-Marquez-Gabriel. Or whatever. (And you thought your family was screwed up!)
8. Collected Poems - Pablo Neruda (Enough said.)
9. Sleeping Beauty - folktale (I thought I was asleep for a hunderd years, once. Turns out I was just in Latin class.)
10. The Divine Comedy - Dante Aligheri (Because, sometimes, love really is a lot like the 7 circles of Hell.)

Today's Lesson: put down Madden 2004 and pick up a book. Chicks will dig that way more.

Top Ten Ways to Marinate Tofu

2004-05-19T20:51:00.000-06:00

Just kidding.

This begins my latest blog project: *ba da da dum*! the Ultimate Top Ten. Each day (hopefully) I'll be posting my Top Ten Something. I encourage you to comment and hook me up with your own lists, even if your cubicle is 15 feet from my own. Anyway, here we go:

S's Top Ten Dream Jobs

1. Marth Stewart's Job - Oh how I would love to have a crafting empire...
2. Oprah's Job - She gets paid to talk to interesting people and inspire others. That's way cool.
3. Teaching - Good thing I don't hate it, since I'll be doing it for the next 40 or so years.
4. Assistant trainer to the Colorado Avalanhe - Not a lot of responsibility, just a lot of travelling and hanging out with hockey players. Mmmm. Can I adjust anything for you, Mr. Forsberg?
5. Writer. I do it all the time anyway, so it would be great if a publisher could front me some scrilla to do so.
6. Running a Yarn Store - Who wouldn't want to work in a yarn-filled environment?
7. Dessert Chef - creativity, experimentation, and lots of icing. Mmmm!
8. Motivational Speaker - is that lame? I don't care. I think it would be great.
9. Butte Tour Guide - and here we have the Dumas Brothel, in operation until 1982...
10. Travel Guide Writer - ...and as for MT, avoid Missoula at all costs...

So there you go. If you think that sucked or you want to share your own daring aspirations, hurl one back at me.

Today's Lesson: Although I already have the ultimate dream job of data entry, I encourage ya'll to reach for the stars.

Michael Jackson on an “I heart U” CD = creeped-out recipient; or, How to Make a Mix Tape.

2004-05-17T20:31:00.000-06:00

I once dated a boy who claimed to make the best mix tapes/cd’s ever. Not so much. With names like “Malt Liquor & Chicken Wings” and “Ghetto-Pop” (which I promptly renamed “Ghetto-Poop”), these cd’s lacked a certain something. Not taste- the music, with the exception of having Lenny Kravitz on every single mix cd, was quite excellent. The transitions – which can be the downfall of any otherwise excellent endeavor – were brilliant. They lacked true heartfelt emotion, the essence of the perfect mix tape.

But, you ask, what makes me, S, the expert on such a subject? Someone who can give directions to others regarding such matters? I can because I am the master of the mix tape. No, really. I believe that it is my incredible insight into human emotion ( I am a Cancer after all) and my background in creative writing and deciphering of literature that enables me to do this. Add to that my wide scope of musical interest (Rod Stewart – Dwight Yoakam – The Clumsy Lovers – Letters to Cleo – Abba – etc.) I am the goddess of the mix tape, among other things.

So, here we go:
1. Before you make a cd for someone (if said cd is for yourself, abandon all of these rules and just make yourself happy. If it sucks, you can deal with it. Your expectations of yourself, I’m assuming, aren’t very high, right?) Moving on: figure out what it is, exactly, that you’re trying to say. Are you trying to convey feelings of love? Lust? Hatred? Confusion? It may help to title the CD, or at least give it a working title, at this point. Once, I made a cd for a boy called “Emotional ADD”. Because that’s what he had. I diagnosed it and treated it with scathing tunes from Fiona Apple and Aimee Mann.
2. Once you’ve figured out the emotion behind the cd, start looking for tunes. The following method is the best, although it is time consuming: Go through every cd you own, looking at every track listed on the back, or whatever, and decide if that song might possibly have something to do with what you’re trying to get across. You don’t have to listen to every song at this point, just mentally scan it to see if it might fit. Write it down. The second method is to go over, mentally, without your collection in front of you, songs that might make the cut. You probably already had a few songs in mind when you began this project. Embrace those, and think of other songs that have the same general message. This is great to do at work.
3. Now that you have a vast list of possible songs, it’s time to weed out the assy ones. Take out songs that could be interpreted another way (putting Metallica on an I’m In Lust With You cd could be considered strange, and might say “I want to hit you with bricks” rather than “let’s have a roll in the hay”.) Think about these, yo.
4. Once you’ve narrowed the list down to a reasonable number of tracks- between 8 and 20 is acceptable- start thinking about transitions. This goes back to literature analysis, folks: Talking about love with beautiful, flowy words means one thing, talking about it in harsh, choppy language means another. I find that it’s best to start off simple, with some easy to understand, easy to listen to, tracks, like Bob Dylan or Aimee Mann. Unless your cd is akin to the Emotional ADD mix; in that case, Alanis Morissette screaming might be the best way to start it off. Transitions are hard to pull off, but worth the effort of making them work. Listen to all the songs you intend to put on the cd, and listen to them in different combinations. Eventually you’ll find something that works. Feel free to ask opinions from friends, pets, or me.
5. Now it’s time to think about presentation. Does the working title still fit? If not, find something even more clever. Some of my favorite, all-purpose titles are “Songs to remind you of me”, “Songs in the key of (recipients name here), “I __________ you so much right now” or you can title them with a quote. The Emotional ADD Mix was subtitled “What I know for sure is that what you give comes back to you.” – Oprah. Cover art is important as well. Even if you just have a jewel case, you can make it pretty. Let your inner kindergartner come out. You can use an existing cd insert to trace a new, blank one, and go crazy with the markers, paste, glitter, whatever. I’d avoid uncooked macaroni art.
6. Lastly, give the cd a final run through, and make sure it’s everything you’d hoped it would be. This is your last chance to amend the cd, so if it feels good, do it.
Now it’s time to present the cd or tape to the lucky/hated/lusted-after recipient. You can present it as a birthday or Hanukkah or whatever gift, or just hand it over. If you’re real sassy, don’t say a word, and just wink. Be careful that this doesn’t look like you’re twitching, especially if you’ve put any Michael Jackson on the cd.

Today’s Lesson: Double points if you put Vanilla Ice or David Byrne on your cd and make it work.

Sunscreen? No thanks. I'll just take some garlic and wooden stake repellent.

2004-05-13T15:07:00.000-06:00

Alas- In grand S fashion, I have signed on to work full time this summer. In a warehouse-esque building with no access to windows. From noon until 9 pm. This will not make for a very fun S.
I can see you right now, pleading to your computer, "Why, S? Why have you done this? Say it is not so! Oh, what misfortune and woe hath ye wrought!?" Because I need the scrilla, yo. How am I supposed to front my boo if I'm not pulling the cash-izzle? Exactly. So, starting Monday, I'll be here in my little tan cubicle, staring longingly at pictures of the outside world on my computer desktop, my only access to nature being the "Weather Bug" icon that flashes the temperature in the lower right-hand corner of the taskbar.
At least I won't get skin cancer, eh.

Today's Lesson: If I start wearing a cape and shrieking "AHH! NATURAL LIGHT!", buy me a beer, ok? Thanks.

Poll! Rock the Vote! Rock the Blog!

2004-05-10T20:48:00.000-06:00

Wow, I'm really exicted about this. Here's the deal, ya'll. As devoted followers of I-Can-Tell-ism, it's your job to guide me.

1. There are a number of fancy new blog templates at my beck and call: do I change the blog? Would you cry if the pink went away, or does this site make you think of Pepto Bismol in a bad way?

2. Is this erratic post thing confusing? Would you rather one solid, reliable weekly post instead of the random excitement of never knowing when to expect a blogging?

3. Should I dye my hair or perm it? Not really related to the blog... but still important. Do I dye it light blond, or do I make waves? Help me, yo. No mullet requests please. Maybe if I dye it and perm it, and wait for it to grow out, then I'll get a mullet. Cool.

It is absolutely essential that you give me your feedback by pressing the little "comment" button under this post. Otherwise, you may end up with a monthly, Teletubbie-themed blog from a girl with Christina Aguilera hair. Eeeeee...

Today's Lesson: She who votes gets a happy blog. She who does not vote has to buy me a Molson and watch me dance.

Yo, the bounce is back.

2004-05-03T20:16:00.000-06:00

Hey there ya'll. After the seemingly eternal winter that was last week's blog, I'm back. Better than ever? Perhaps.

Last week, I thought I was going to go crazy. But I didn't; I went to Butte. I know what ya'll were thinking: "Wow, S. This last week was nuts. You could use a break, ya know? A nice little trip or something. To a magical place that would make the world seem right again, to regain your sense of self, and purpose. You should probably go to Butte." And ya'll were right.

At least I had an excuse this time, other than, "Because it's... Butte." In my C&I 440 class, we're doing "integrated content area lesson plans", which means a bunch of people from different subject areas have to write a lesson plan together that includes their content area, but relates to one topic. My group, with very little encouragement from me, I swear, chose Butte. Good call, bros. So under the guise of going home for an educational foray, I did one of the things that I love best: observing and photographing the places I love best. I learned that the Pekin Noodle Parlor (best damn Chinese food in the history of ever. Seriously. Go there.) has been operated by the same Chinese family (the Wongs) since 1880. How amazing is that? And I learned that people who don't know a thing about Butte history should probably shut their yappy little traps about the Berkeley Pit. Take that, mean baseball dad who thinks that Butte is lame and that the miners knew exactly what was going to happen to the land when they started digging in the ground with antlers in 1846. Shut it. But- No. Shut it. I learned that Butte was the third city in the country to get electricity. (No, we didn't get it 10 years ago... Shut it.) I went to the "World Museum of Mining", where I hadn't visited since the 5th grade field trip. That was cool. And I almost died driving the little tiny road (I think "jagged-rock ridden, primitive pathway" is more appropriate) to the Granite Ghost Town, outside of Phillipsburg. Oooh! And I learned that the giant section of highway that's missing over Montana St, right before the exit, is gone because somebody tried to drive under it with a backhoe on a trailer. How redneck is that? Speaking of redneck, I saw the finest mullet specimen in North America this weekend. This guy was wearing a black muscle tee, acid wash jeans, and giant sunglasses with that reflective rainbow finish. He was sauntering up Galena Street, and all I saw was business in the front. Then, when he turned, I saw the party in the back. It was glorious.

Today's Lesson: Butte- a mile high, a mile deep, and everyone's on the level.

I Have a Dream...

2004-04-28T21:19:00.000-06:00

...that someday I'll have 10 minutes of free time to write a real blog post. Until then- next week, probably Monday- bear with me, please. And keep your stick on the ice.

Autopilot: Engage

2004-04-23T20:22:00.000-06:00

Hey ya'll. This past week, I felt like the nanny/housekeeper from The Jetsons; rolling around day to day getting a lot of things done and helping everyone and not really feeling like an actual person. Due to the horror and pain of my daily schedule, I sometimes find myself unable to function, but yet function beautifully, if that makes sense. I'm so busy that I can take on anything and not really process it, doing so much that I never think about it. Or what I'm doing.
It's all my fault, what with my overachieving-ness and wonder-woman delusions. Fifteen credits? Cool! Fifteen credits plus 38 hours of work per week? Yeah! At a job where I can't do homework and am treated like a non-real employee? For sure! School and work and a marriage, too? Sign me up! And if I could, I'd also like to have several time-consuming but really enjoyable hobbies, no exposure to sunlight, a garden to tend, and a few migraines. Thanks!!!
What the crap is wrong with me? Why do I insist on doing so much? Where did all this self-deprecating, cruise-director, June Cleaver behavior come from? I think that while I was growing up, I witnessed my mom doing everything under the sun at the same time and keeping a happy face, and just assumed that I could do it, too. I'm glad, most of the time, that I can cope with anything and work myself into the ground, still clinging to my "Most Optimistic- BHS Class of 2000" award. Sometimes though, like now, or at 5:00 am when I have to be to work at six and realize that I won't see Q or my bed until at least 9:30 pm, I get a little disillusioned with my super-abilities, and would do just about anything to trade them in for a glass of red wine and a coconut-lime bubblebath.

If only I could spare the time to wait for the bathtub to fill up.

Today's Lesson: When you're on your deathbed, chances are you won't be saying, "Wow. I wish I would have worked more." Word.

The opera, divas, hockey, and staying sane. What a weekend!

2004-04-19T20:20:00.000-06:00

I had quite the weekend. I went home on Friday, clutching my noggin, and crawled into bed, and huggled my "Wendy the Builder" doll. I awoke on Saturday to sunshine, and the sound of children (or as Q calls them-these specific children- "the devil spawn") screaming hysterically and banging on the metal playground equipment conveniently located beneath my bedroom window. So that was nice.
I then went to school and practiced my scene for acting class (Lend Me a Tenor by Ken Ludwig) with Eric, the super-nice Swiss guy who's my scene partner. Then I went to the opera, to give a shout-out and some big-ups to E, who was representin in the orchestra pit. It was Mozart's The Magic Flute , and it was indeed magical. The costumes, the singing, the music - especially the cello- word!- were all great. What a pleasing way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Q avoided the opera by going all Eastern Montana on me: "Culture? Fancy-book learnin? I reckon that don't sound like no fun a-tall". Very Jet Rink in Giant. So I went by myself, and I sat next to some very excellent older folk.
After the opera, I went home and watched some hockey. To be exact, the Boston-Montreal game and Calgary-Vancouver, which was insane! It went into 3 overtimes, and at one point Calgary was down by 4. Craziness! An excellent game.
On Sunday, I was again awoken by the sound of angels, yelling incoherently and throwing things against the side of my apartment. Q and I lounged about, and then went to the Community Garden, where we proceeded to rip out weeds, and curse the land, and till until we were all sweaty and gross. The hippie man across the way was all Mr. Gardenpants, with his compost bin, his mulch, his straw, etc. Q and I were quite pleased with ourselves for just getting the ground evened out.
Then we went to the Good Food Store, and had some excellent dinner- I had the "Ruby T", which is a vegetarian Reuben. It was fantastic, yo. Then we went home, and took tubbies, and watched VH1 Divas Live. I was way excited to see Debbie Harry up there; too bad the lameness of Jessica Simpson almost cancelled her out. I was way impressed by Joss Stone, who's hair I am in the process of trying to emulate- I'll keep you posted- and Patti LaBelle, who can carry a note like nobody's business.
I also managed to put my sanity before my homework, which was a first. That means that I'll be taking a late grade on my Ethics assignment (it's cool, Mom- I have an A in there right now), and rushing to finish a presentation for another class, but that's ok. I had to calm down and put S first. It was indeed a red-letter day. And a fabulous weekend.

Today's Lesson: In the words of the acclaimed modern lyricist Garth, from Wayne's World: "What are you, mental? Live in the now!!!" Word up, Garth. I'm working on it.

Top Ten Reasons I'm writhing in pain from a migraine today!

2004-04-16T17:14:00.000-06:00

My head feels like styrofoam, ya'll. I just horked in the bathroom at work, and I look like butt. Yes, folks, I have a migraine. And here's why:

1. Today I met with my advisor(s) to discuss my schedule for next semester, and make sure I could graduate next spring, what with my vast transfer credits and such. Turns out the U of M doesn't think "School Health Programs" is the same class as "Health in Schools", or that "History of American-East Asian Relations" is a history course. Lame.
2. I've had my hair up in super-tight ponytails for the past week. Enough said.
3. I haven't had Taco Bell for like, ever. Could it be withdrawals?
4. On Monday, I have a "Personalized Student Literacy Inventory and Action Plan", a gigantor case study, a lesson plan reflection paper, and Linguistics homework due. Wheeee.
5. Yesterday, I forgot to eat dinner. Am I too busy? yes. Crazy? possibly.
6. There's a person that I am required to interact with on a daily basis. This person has several obnoxious habits and traits. This does not please me. Or my noggin.
7. Is it possible to O.D. on gardenburgers?
8. I could be reacting to the new "coconut lime verbena" stuff I got at Bath & Body Works. Doubtful.
9. Are lilacs blooming yet? I'm deathly allergic (seriously, ya'll- one time at a speech tournament in high school, my coach had to ride with me in an ambulance to the Kalispell hospital and hold my hand for the epi-shot deal. I'm a hoser.) This could be attributing to the sinus pressure. Right now my nose and eyes feel like someone's throwing rocks at them.
10. My body is in the process of shutting down because I feed it Taco Bell, exercise it rarely, but to the point of exhaustion, run it ragged by working 38.5 hours a week and going to school full time, and don't take nearly enough bubble baths. Perhaps.

In conclusion, my head hurts way bad. I feel better since I horked, so that's good. If you'd like to offer any further analysis regarding said headache, hook me up.

Today's Lesson: Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches don't look quite as yummy on the return trip.

Of all the boys I've dated...

2004-04-15T20:17:00.000-06:00

... the one that smelled like parmesan cheese really stands out.

Do ya'll remember that part in So I Married an Ax-Murderer when Mike Myers's character is discussing the girls he's dated, and he confesses that he broke up with a woman because she smelled like soup? Awesome. I feel you, bro.

It's amazing what our sense of smell can accomplish- it can remind us of a time or a person, or can alter the course of a relationship. Smells can make you swoon or hork. I've been thinking a lot about smells lately.

Every time I smear Noxzema on my face, I am fifteen years old again, and for some reason, I'm thinking about DisneyWorld. Weird, eh? Amarige by Givenchy brings me back to my days slaving away at an assy casino as a cocktail waitress. Bath & Body Works "Plumeria" anything takes me back to high school, in the 3rd floor hallway outside the speech & debate classroom, where my friend Aubrey's locker was. She baptised herself in Plumeria between every class. Bengal spice tea reminds me of being way sick, and in Wyoming (no, Wyoming didn't make me sick, although that is a reasonable hypothesis). Vanilla = Callie, Patchouli = Sandi-bean, and Ralph Lauren Romance = driving around in K.W.'s souped-up Honda CRX in high school, listening to Jay-Z and making fun of Darren. B&B Works "Sweet Pea" = my sister, and self-tanner smell (something like Chex-Mix and cashews; not pleasant) reminds me of my first summer in college, which was spent in Helena, bleaching my hair and then dying it pink and purple, and self-tanning, and working at the Real Food Store. The smell of Red-Bull instantly recalls the first time I ever drank- I was in Germany on a high school exchange trip, in a "cafe" called Einstein with the other Americans, and Howie and I, being new to the whole drinking scene, cautiously split 3 Red Bull & vodkas between us, and waited for the terrible drunken aftermath that never came. Haha! I'd forgotten about that.

Seriously, ya'll- how cool are smells? Way cool. I encourage you to take a sniff down your own Memory Lane. Stay away from dog poo.

Today's Lesson: His name was Gabe, and he seriously smelled like parmesan cheese. Gross dude. Don't ever date Gabe.

No, Mr. Goodburger's, THANK YOU!

2004-04-07T20:20:00.000-06:00

Today I had the great pleasure of dining at the Zoo-town's latest eatery: Mr. Goodburger's. And it was Greatburgers.

Having climbed up and down the mountain, I found myself in the shower, scrubbing off like 10 pounds of sunscreen, and thinking about my dining options for the day. Like I said, I had just hiked, and I was feeling pretty fit and happy with my healthy choice. Then, I thought about what to eat before I had to go to work; I was pretty hungry by then. It occurred to me that my 2 vegetarian fast-food dining options in this town, (the bean burrito kid's meal from Taco Bell and the Veggie Delight at Subway) were way tired. And then it hit me, like a bolt of lightning: hadn't a coworker been complaining yesterday about the creepy new hippie-food gross soy icky restaurant that just opened? Yes!!! So I leaped out of the shower, put on my favorite hippie outfit and drove away to Mr. Goodburger, located in the ugly strip mall by the bowling alley.

Upon entering the establishment, I was met with walls the color of ripe orange cantaloupe, and a bright, clean atmosphere. Then the guy behind the counter (middle-aged, Hawaiian, super-duper nice) welcomed me warmly. I proceeded to order the "Honolulu", a fantastic combination of chicken-esque gardenburger, mango chutney, ginger, and all things ono. *grin* It was served on a vegan whole wheat bun, and it was great. No, it was fabulous. It was without a doubt the best thing I've eaten in a ridiculously long time.

This restaurant clearly passes the test for an S-approved eatery: Clean? Check. Happy atmosphere? check. Vegetarian fare? check check. Excellent service? You bet your @$$! CHECK! Does it taste good? check check check to the 90th power. I really can't say enough about it. My dining experience was unparalleled. And speaking of service, get this- when the nice guy brought out my sandwich, he asked if he could switch the bottle of tea I'd selected with a different one, so that it would be colder!!! Who does that!? Not Ronald McDonald.
In conclusion, you should go there. Get up right now and get yourself some creepy icky soy hippie-food. It's great.

Everybody's singin', SUNSHINE DAY!

2004-04-06T20:52:00.000-06:00

What a great day.
This morning, I delivered my monologue to my acting class. I'm not gonna lie to you- it was frickin' great. Maybe it just seemed great in comparison to the partially-memorized Shakespearean disaster that was C, or the monotone drone of P. But I think not. B, who's one of the coolest Butte girls ever, is in the class. When I finished, she was all, "That was way creepy. Seriously. I thought you were really crazy. Cool." So that was great.

Then, I had to present my lesson plan in ENT 440. It was great as well. I did a lesson plan for high schoolers on the Beat Movement. I got lots of questions, and after class, a couple of people told me how great it was, and how they plan to use it in their classrooms. What a great compliment, yo!

I apologize if this post is starting to sound lie some self-appreciating ego-driven 50 Cent song... I'm just happy. And proud of myself.

In other news, the Avalanche play the Stars tomorrow night, in their first game of the first round of the playoffs. *Cross your fingers*.

Today's Lesson: If Dallas beats Colorado in the first round of the playoffs, I'm gonna go all Medea. So stay away. *smile*

No, really- I think the 6 days you spent faux-finishing your furnace room totally paid off.

2004-04-02T22:41:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'd just like to say that Q and I went to Applebee's last night, and I had 2 "perfect margaritas". Perfect, my @ss.

Moving on: I couldn't sleep this morning, so I read some of The Game by Ken Dryden (he was a goalie for Montreal), and watched some HGTV. Specifically, the Carol Duvall Show and Room by Room. Not that these are bad shows, or anything, but I was reminded of everything I hate about interior design. I've compiled a list (imagine that!) of the top 10 lame-ass design things that make me throw up a little. And here we go:

10. Stencils. These never look good. You can always tell that it's a stencil. Unless you pay a professional painter a whole crapload of money, that tromp l'oeil effect you're going for is going to look like a flat, ugly little motif.
9. Matchy-matchy. Having the same minute roses & ivy pattern all over every surface in the room is vomitous. Period. Mix it up, yo.
8. Chandeliers that have little tiny lampshades over each individual bulb/candle. Not good.
7. Screens as room dividers. No one will ever guess your unused treadmill is behind that flimsy, 4 foot high, rose & ivy motif, folding screen! I bet.
6. Tchotchkes. A little figurine here and a picture frame there are ok. Having your prized collection of snowglobes from North Dakota spread all over every horizontal surface in the room is not.
5. Valances. Don't get me wrong- I like a good, sturdy box valance. It's the poufy, bubble-looking, floral-print, stuffed with tissue paper valances that anger me.
4. Roped-off rooms. What is the purpose of decorating a beautiful room if you're going to rope it off like a museum and not let anyone in there? Unless you're decorating the White House, the Biltmore Estate, or something like it, don't require a retinal scan to enter your living room.
3. Money spent unwisely, just for the sake of spending it. There's really no difference between a real Persian rug, and a Pier 1 knock-off, as far as I'm concerned. I can't tell the difference, and I'm pretty discriminating. Same goes for the accessories in the room. If the plates hung 8 feet up on your dining room wall are actual bone china, I can't tell. Crap, they could be the Target special or FiestaWare, and they'd look the same up there.
2. Too much fabric. This kind of goes along with matchy-matchy. Please don't use the same plaid fabric on everything. And fabric is for draperies, upholstery, and maybe a few accessories if you're adventurous. If you're gonna cover your wall with it, be careful.
1. Faux finishes. In the time it takes you to apply 2 mottled paint finishes, wipe on the glaze, then wipe it off, then go over it with a perfectly crinkled plastic bag, the treatment is outdated. And it never really looks like limestone anyway.

Wasting away again, at work...

2004-04-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

Today I'd like to talk about the gloriousness of a certain beverage: the margarita. I find myself craving them daily, especially when I'm at work. What is it about the maragarita that has made it my favoritest thing? Is it the lime? No. The tequila? maybe. The triple sec? No- what the crap is triple sec anyway? The salt? DING DING DING! I'm one of those carbo freak people whose favorite part of the pie is the crust. Same with pizza. And pasties. I love salt. Can't get enough. And I think that's why the margarita appeals to me so much. The vivid combination of flavors, the slight presence of alcohol-taste, (unless you're at Applebees. In that case, forget the alcohol), the verdant hue, the full-bodied sweet-savory combination- what's not to love? And they get even better once you've had about 3 of them.

I haven't given ya'll an assignment in a while, and the past ones have been kind of lame, and very Oprah, so here's a good one: drink a margarita. Do it. I don't care if you don't like them- just experience one. For me. Behold the blinding magnificence that is the salt on the rim. I tell ya what- if they started putting salt on the rim of a glass of scotch, I might even drink that crap.

At this point, I'd like to send a shout-out to Q's friend G-Reg, who, I am told, salts pretty much every drink that enters his thirsty little fist. That's great. Because why should you just suffer the effects of alcohol? I mean, while you're at it, upping your risk of just about everything and killing off some brain cells, why not send your sodium levels through the roof? Sounds good to me! And while I'm at it, another shout-out: to E, who understands what a hard decision it would be, if we could have alcohol at work, whether to drink it or douse a certain someone in it and then light the match. Tough one.

Have a lovely day, ya'll- I'm going to go drink a you-know-what.

Today's Lesson: No lesson today. Go drink yourself silly.

Shiny (well, sweaty), unhappy people!

2004-03-31T22:00:00.000-07:00

Today I hiked the "M". I brought Q with me for various reasons: in case I passed oat (wassup, Canada!) what with my sinus issues (I can't bweathe thwough my nothe); so that I had motivation to make it to the top (when you're alone, who cares if you turn around halfway up?); and to discuss Missoula with. We talk about Missoula alot. Mostly why it's lame. From our discussions, I've gathered a list of about 658,552 reasons why the "Zoo-Town" can bite my @ss. I've narrowed it down to 10 for space's sake:

1. Would it hurt ya'll to say "hi" back when someone says "hi"? Or smile?
2. No decent Chinese food. But who doesn't enjoy paying $14.95 for sweet and sour globs of bright red unidentifiable mushy crap?
3. The freshmen girl swimsuit-models wandering around the U in miniskirts in December. Whoops- this curvy girl in her giant hooded sweatshirt just threw up a little.
4. The likelihood of someone using their turn signal is about as likely as finding decent Chinese food.
5. Which brings us to #5: Malfunction Junction. Enough said.
6. Speedtraps! Only in Missoula do you have a 35 mph zone, followed by a block of 25 mph, then 30 mph. What? What is that?
7. Open container law. Although this really isn't exclusive to Missoula, it still sucks. (Butte doesn't have the o.c. law)
8. Not a lot of public celebration/commemoration. Few Christmas lights, no public yellow ribbons, no shamrocks, etc. But lots of Griz crap. Everywhere.
9. Maybe the county commissioners should think about fixing up the dilapidated neighborhoods or the scary swaying bridges over the river before building a gigantor new baseball stadium.
10. Reserve St: A zoning nightmare from Hell. With no way to avoid using this street. Grrrrr.

And there you go. Not only is Missoula not as cool as Butte, it's just about the lamest place I've been. Except Omaha.

Today's Lesson: If you want something decent to eat, go to the Pekin Noodle Parlor. On Main Street. In Butte.

I die! I die! put back of hand to forehead I DIE!!!

2004-03-30T20:32:00.000-07:00

So, on Tuesday I have to deliver a monologue to my acting class. The rest of the class chose poems, or monologues like "Trish just found out that her roommate Lissa is sleeping with her boyfriend- Trish confronts Lissa". I, of course, being the overachiever, chose a monologue from Euripides' The Medea. In case you're unfamiliar with the play, it's a Greek tragedy. This lady, Medea, is married to a dude named Jason (as in the golden fleece, Jason- ring any bells?), who leaves her to marry a princess. Medea freaks (and rightfully so), and plots to kill the bride, the bride's dad, Creon, and the children Medea and Jason have together (not quite what I would've done). Anyway, I picked the section where Medea tells the chorus what she's going to do.

It's way hard.

She's angry, confused, crazy, vengeful, maniacal, did I mention crazy, and she's speaking to an entity that cannot be expressed in modern theater. Whee. When I picked it, I failed to realize that I don't identify with the character (thank God). I can imagine, I guess, what that would be like. The rage, I mean. Not the actual carrying through with the murders.
It's almost completely memorized, which is good.
The grad student who teaches the class said we should wear a costume and have props if appropriate, but I'm wary; if the whole class is doing Trish/Lissa monologues, and since all but about 3 in the class don't take it seriously, am I going to be *gasp* that girl? The one that's so lame, that she dresses up for little old acting class? Nooooo!!!! But on the other hand, the prof "knows what I'm capable of" and if I wuss out and wear jeans and don't get sufficiently upset and crazy, my grade will suffer.

Hmmmm.... I'll keep ya'll updated.

Today's Lesson: Don't underestimate old, Greek, crazy, newly-divorced women. Word.

I'm tired of hearing aboat what a good hackey team Detroit hass! Get oat there! Dis iss arr time!

2004-03-29T20:31:00.000-07:00

Didja like that Herb Brooks impression? Me, too. (Don't know who Herb Brooks is? Gasp! Look up what a good hackey team the US had in 1980).

The Detroit part was all me. This week, the Colorado Avalanche (www.coloradoavalanche.com) lost to Detroit. Twice. Lame! What the crap is that? Forsberg is back! We have Kariya! We have Sakic! And Foote, and Hinote, and Tanguay! Why are we losing?

The only things I can think of are 1) fear (this rivalry is huge, and goes way back. And Detroit has had a frickin' good hockey team for like, ever); 2) despair (it's almost time for the playoffs, and they're hanging out at 3rd, which is a comfortable but hard place to escape from- it would take some serious effort to move up); 3) The Red Wings are an alien experiment, like Brad Pitt. The Hockey News voted Detroit as the best all-around franchise. And The Hockey News knows things. Could it be that they're just too good? and 4) This whole Steve Moore thing (are the Avs dwelling on this poor guy's noggin, and not their offense?)

Probably not. The truth is, I'm no expert when it comes to hockey. When it comes to rating the attractiveness of goalies, I'm your best bet, (Patrick Roy has a chokehold on the number 1 spot) but hockey in general? Not so much. So I'm really not sure. I am confused, and I can bet Pierre Lacroix and Tony Granato are, too.

Today's Lesson: Oh, What I would give to be Patrick Roy's jersey...

I have chalk on my shirt!!! And an overhead!!!

2004-03-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day of teaching. Ever.

And I think I did pretty well.

I taught seventh graders about recognizing marketing/advertising in the music they listen to, and it was great. I think they really enjoyed it- I know I did. And Mr. S seemed amused.
It was, for sure, the most exhilarating thing I've done in a while. I was surprisingly un-nervous. The great thing about seventh-graders is that they have so much energy, and for the most part, they want to participate. I think the change to their routine got them riled up, too. Teaching these kids has cemented a few things in my mind:
1. I have to do this. My career choice is clear.
2. I cannot teach middle school.
3. Seventh graders don't know who Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show is.

Overall, it was FANTASTIC. Wonderful. I can't wait to go back tomorrow. *Big Smile*

Today's Lesson: Writing on the board takes more arm strength than you'd imagine.

Don't be that girl. Part II

2004-03-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

I've taken it upon myself to enlighten you lovely ladies yet again. In part I of DBTG, we covered general behaviors that are lame and have only served to put the feminist movement into retrograde.
In this edition, I'll be discussing how to behave yourself in class; i.e. how not to annoy the sh#t out of everyone in the surrounding desks.

1. Restating what the teacher just said does not qualify as a question. Teacher: "The Normans used a very deceptive approach at the battle of Hastings."
That Girl:"So what you're saying, professor, is that at the battle of Hastings, the Normans used a deceptive approach?"
Teacher: "Uh, yeah."
See? Lame. Don't do that. It's cool to ask questions, as long as they qualify as an actual question. Look up "interrogative" in the dictionary.
2. That cute personal anecdote is not neccessary to the discussion.
Teacher: "So, what is Marquez getting at when he keeps mentioning ants in the story?"
That Girl: "When I was in high school, my teacher had us do this really neat project about ant colonies, and my friend Trish, like, ......."
Do I really need to point out how lame and annoying this is?
3. Calm down. Seriously. Do you need a chai or something?
Please don't be super-upset-easily-offended-self-righteous-always-irritated girl. Not cool. Don't get all wound up when someone mentions the words "gay" or "abortion" or "godless commie scum". This can go both ways. What I find, around here, is that that girl is up in arms anytime someone says "gay", ready to be offended and call you a bigot, even if you use the term normally, as a descriptor with no positive or negative connotations. Please please pretty please with a peace-sign sticker on top don't be that girl.

In conclusion, I think these are some helpful tips to make your classes a better place for those around you. And if you have none of these traits, rejoice, and mercilessly mock that girl next to you.

Today's Lesson: Taking inspiration from Blondie's "Rip Her to Shreds" is a great way to formulate a blog post.

Thomas Merton knows things.

2004-03-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

I found this in Oprah Magazine (shut up- it's cool):

Some of us need to discover that we will not begin to live more fully until we have the courage to do and see and taste and experience much less than usual... There are times, then, when in order to keep ourselves in existence at all we simply have to sit back for a while and do nothing. And for a man who has let himself be drawn completely out of himself by his activity, nothing is more difficult than to sit still and rest, doing nothing at all. The very act of resting is the hardest and most courageous act he can perform.

Word, dawg. I've been trying to do this for a while, but to little avail. I think it's because I need stress- I need to be doing, or I feel like I'm not accomplishing. Achieving and accomplishing are very important to me. But I tend to achieve better when I'm rested, when I've had some time to just be. Sounds easy, eh? (What, am I Canadian now?.... anyway...) It's not. Try it. Take ten minutes- seriously, ten whole minutes- and just chill. Don't think about anything, except the way the wind feels (if you're outside), or the way the carpet crinkles under your knees, or the smell of Chinese food in your apartment, or whatever. Think about what's going on right now. Gradually focus inward, and focus on if your belly feels full or empty, how fast your heart is beating, if your head aches, etc.
This is incredibly difficult for me to do. I end up trying to convince myself that my homework, or that baby blanket that's half-knit, or calling my sister, or cleaning is more important. It's not. I think about how important I am- to Q, to work, to my family, to the kids I observe, to the Taco Bell on Broadway that makes a killing off of me, and everyone else. By taking a few minutes to just be, I become better; I'm not sure if "better" is the right word, even- I think I mean that I become ...more. More intense, more real, more able, more more more. I love the way that feels.
For the most part, I think all of us have been brought up with altruism- with the concept that the needs of others, and others in general, are more important/deserving/needful than ourselves. It's truly difficult to put yourself first- to say "for the next ___ minutes, I am the most important person in my life." It's hard to write "Sit down and do absolutely nothing" in your day planner. But it's neccessary.

Believe me.

Today's Lesson: Q: How many of me does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 1. I'm gonna sit here and chill for a sec, and hold the lightbulb while the world revolves around me.

Top of the hiccup mornin' to ya, ossifer!

2004-03-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

Top 10 things I heard in Butte, MT on St. Patrick's Day:

10. No, really. I drive beter after I've had a few. Or 6.
9. Can I see some ID? (20 year old bouncer to drunk 70+ year old man walking into the Silver Dollar).
8. I've been drunk since Monday.
7. Oh yeah, Mr. ****** (gesturing with bottle of whiskey to former high school teacher), he's really good in the sack.
6. Are we the only two people not running for office? (Every politician in the state was in the parade).
5. You would've won that wet t-shirt contest. Except you weren't wearing a shirt.
4. What the %$@# is wrong with you, you *%^&@#$!%$?! Drinking a %#$@*&^ latte' on #$^*(^@ St. Patrick's Day in @#$%^&* Butte, MT! %!@#!
3. And then the cops came, and they were like, "Get down from that fire escape, please," and I was like "Weeahhahhh!", and then I got down. *gesturing with giant can of Guinness*
2. Blleeecchhhaaggggg! (sound of person vomiting on Park St. at 10 am)
1. Hi- we went to high school together- can I take a picture of your butt?

Today's Lesson: Butte. Get there.

I'm on the edge of my seat here...

2004-03-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

Oooh the anticipation. So many things are coming up, yo: heading to the blinding magnificence that is Butte tonight for St. Patrick Day, going to the Great Fizzle this weekend, actually teaching in my observation class next week, the Stanley Cup playoffs, Q's Birthday, and so much more.
Have ya'll ever read the book In the Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant? (Say it with me: ee-YON-la van-ZONT) It's brilliant. It's about how we all strive to make change in our lives, but until those changes happen (when we graduate, get married, finally get over whatever or whoever) we're stuck in the meantime. She helps to make meantime a better place.
Anyway, these things are related because right now, I'm in the meantime. I'm waiting for all of these mostly wonderful things to happen in my life; not waiting as in "Maybe someday I'll get lucky and...." But waiting for events that I have set into motion to become reality.
This may make me a hoser, or at the very least, a giant dorkface, but I am constantly overflowing, effervescing, if you will, with excitement. I am ready. It's not frustrating to be stuck in the meantime, once you get the hang of it. It becomes a sensation that's comparable to always being in that last 10 minutes before an awards ceremony at a speech meet, and you know that you did really well.
I'm going to go paint a rainbow and dance like Jan Brady.

Today's Lesson: If you don't like your life, change it. If you can't change it, deal with it and don't whine. Make good things happen.

Because it's the greatest town ever- that's why.

2004-03-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

My top 10 favorite cities that I've been,ever:
1. Butte, MT
2. Anaconda, MT
3. Philipsburg, MT
4. Berlin, Germany
5. Helena, MT
6. Eugene, OR
7. Great Falls, MT
8. Strasbourg, France
9. Walla Walla, WA
10.Boise, ID

I know what you're going to say: But Butte is the craphole of the Earth! It's ugly, and everyone has a mullet, and they don't even have a Target or a Little Caesar's!!! I know- but that's part of what makes it good, except for the Little Caesar's. Butte is the best city ever because the people are friendly and hard-working. Because the ratio of overly-tan middle-aged women in capri pants & visors to guys who eat pork chop sandwiches and drive TransAm's is about 1:5. Because we have few obnoxious tourists. Because we have Evel Knievel Daze. Because there are a bar and a church on nearly every corner in uptown Butte. Because we have a bar called "Pisser's Palace" in Walkerville. Because for field trips in grade school, we took tours through mine shafts. Because of the M&M, which will live forever in the hearts of us Butte folk. Because of St. Patrick's Day. Because of the Pekin Noodle Parlor. And pasties. And Pork Chop John's. And the "Wop Chop" from Muzz & Stan's. And the fact that I ate lunch in a bar all through high school. Because of the Berkeley Pit. Because of the drinking water. Because of Crazy Larry and Stevie the Shoeshiner. Because we say "battry" and "theATER", and "you's guys". Because it's Butte.

Today's lesson: Missoula is lame. (See ratio of fake tans and capris to pork chops and Trans-Am's above).

Decisions, decisions.

2004-03-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

I find myself making a lot of them lately. Some recent examples (the bolded options are the lucky winners):
Work an extra 5 hours a week vs. Maintain sanity
Girl Scout cookies vs. Actual dinner
Taco Bell for lunch for the 3rd day in a row vs. No lunch
Drive to Butte vs. Curl up with my Wendy the Builder doll and sleep for 3 days
Say something to boss about horribleness of coworker vs. quiet fuming
Knitting vs. Sleeping vs. homework vs. Reading a good book vs. Exercise
Anaconda vs. Phillipsburg (tough call)

These decisions may not seem important, but they are. The proper proportion of Thin Mints to hometown to crafting a baby blanket can turn your day around. For serious, yo. It's amazing how many decisions one makes in a day. I have another challenge for ya'll: try and keep track of how many decisions you make. It's craziness! And it's amazing how one small decision can change your whole day; like when you're rushed into selecting a pair of shoes so that you can make it class on time, and the whole day you're thinking, "Why am I wearing these pink shoes? The yellow ones with the blue glitter stripe would've been waaaaayyy better". I urge you to take your sweet time with seemingly small decisions; too much Taco Bell is never good.

Today's lesson: When in doubt, eat Girl Scout Cookies.

ic hire thenode deoran sweorde

2004-03-11T19:53:00.000-07:00

...........which means: I him served (with) excellent sword. My linguistics teacher, that is. In old English. *insert frown and single tear here*

I have a test tomorrow in "History and Structure of the English Language for Teachers." I am not handling it well. Not because English is lame, or anything; When given the decision to either shop or diagram a sentence, I would pick the sentence. Seriously. But anyway, it's because there's so much on my plate right now that it's spilling onto my lap, and all over the tablecloth, and I can't even set down my beverage. I hadn't scheduled my semesterly breakdown until mid-April, but it looks like I may have predicted poorly. Perhaps it has something to do with solar winds.

But really- I think I'm going crazy. Today I said, "Yeah, but since I only have to locate at the school for about 4 hours a week..." What?! What the crap was that??? And there's this thing called the Daily Damage Notifcation at work that I have to print off every night, and put in a binder that lives on my desk. But surprise! Today during an Edu class I opened my "Teaching Writing Across the Curriculum" binder to find..... da da DUMMMM!!!.... the DDN. I'm going crazy.

Back to this here linguistics test- it turns out that the in-class portion is not going to be as scary as the rest of the class and I predicted. But the take-home part is going to kick my Old-English-Impaired butt. And I'm going back to ye olde hometown this weekend. *insert another single tear here* LAME LAME LAME LAME. Maybe if I throw a temper tantrum everything will get better. I bet. Well- I'm going to go home and curl up in the bathtub. Keep your sticks on the ice.

Today's lesson: Prepositions implying movement sometimes assign the dative case to their objects, and the accusative is sometimes used when no movement is implied.

Way to be honest.

2004-03-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

Today I had the pleasure of witnessing a huge event at the middle school where I'm doing my preservice teacher observation: the kids had been reading Joan Bauer's Stand Tall for the past few weeks, and today was the culmination of their "One Book One Community" experience. The students throughout the school have each made a ST project; book covers, movie posters, mobiles, character sketches, board games, etc. I was way excited, but it looks like I was the only one. During the "book cafes" where students were randomly grouped and asked to discuss the question at the table, I was met with total disinterest and boredom. Because I wasn't really a teacher, and therefore only a pseudo-authority figure, the kids were honest with me. "Ms. H," they said, "this is lame. We've been asked this question for like, the past 2 weeks or whatever, and we don't want to talk about the same crap again. When you're a teacher, could you, like, let your kids pick their own book? And don't ask them to do journals or talk about stuff for like, twenty minutes, when they've already talked about it." I pointed out the whole "curriculum" issue, saying that a lot of the time, it's not the teacher's choice what you get to read, and they understood. I was amazed at how open these kids were- how willing they were to give me their perspectives and advice. I vowed to never make my students talk about the same question over and over, and thanked them for their insight.
I wonder if they ever tell their teachers any of this.

Go big or go home. Well, just go home.

2004-03-04T19:42:00.000-07:00

Today's Lesson: Be Not Half-Assed.

As John F. Kennedy once asserted, "The ancient Greek definition of happiness was the full use of your powers along lines of excellence."
Word up.
I think what John was trying to say was, "Go big, or go home." I have a dare for you- a challenge- a mission, if you will. Pick a day, whether it be today or tomorrow or St. Patrick's Day, and go big. Choose to perform every task with excellence.
When you're ironing your shirt, do it well.
When you drive, excel at the way you park.
When conversing with someone, give them all of your attention.
When you walk your dog, show Spot just how excellent you are at the art of dog-walking.
Too often, we (at least I do) get caught up in a mess of mediocrity, performing tasks and getting through the day with the minimum effort required. When you make a conscious effort to not just do something, but to do it well, really well, your whole day changes. You change. Suddenly there is a meaning and a purpose attached to everything that you do. When you rise above the half-assed-ness of everyone around you, you'll feel better. I guarantee it. And if you don't, take it up with J.F.K.

Don't be that girl. Ugh.

2004-03-02T18:55:00.000-07:00

Here's the deal: Gloria Steinem, Lucretia Mott, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, me, etc. did not work so hard on equality for women just to have you screw it up.
You know who you are.
It's likely that this lame behavior is totally unintended- if so, just follow these simple rules to help make things better. If you think it's cool that women make 76 cents for every dollar a man does, well, honey- you're lame. Go bake a casserole and get someone his pipe and slippers.
As for the rest of you, here we go:
1. Do not apologize before you talk. No matter how much your statement sucks, you have the right to say it, and the right to be heard. Whatever you're about to say is a product of your lovely female mind, and if it sucks, well, hey- it sucks. But chances are, it doesn't. And if you're truly sorry that you're going to make everyone listen to what you have to say, then don't say it. There you go.
2. Why do you cross your arms and have a look of disinterested fear when you enter a restaurant? This drives me nuts. If you are afraid of the restaurant, or the food, or the people in it, then don't come in. Perhaps the crossing of the arms is a protectiive measure; If you're that insecure about yourself, maybe you should talk to someone, or take some alone-time or something. Those 2 little arms aren't going to help much.
3. If you're going to eat, just frickin' eat. Dissecting your teensy granola bar and placing it particle by particle into your mouth does not change the fact that you're eating a granola bar. No one will be grossed out if you just take a bite of the thing. Seriously- I swear. And no one will think you're a pig if you eat the whole bagel. No, really. You don't have to tear it up and only eat 2/7 of the bagel. If you have some neurotic pathology or compulsive disorder that requires you to eat a candy bar with a knife and fork, that's cool. Knock yourself out. But if you have huge issues with eating in public/during class/in front of someone, performing an honors-biology caliber dissection on your pizza won't make it better.

By following these simple guidelines, the world can be a slightly better place for women everywhere. I'll keep you posted if I have any further insight.

Word.

The Lord of the Rings/Cadillac/Diet Pepsi Awards! I mean, the Oscars.

2004-03-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

Last night, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe A.Rod had been traded to the Lord of the Rings crew.
Having lost my faith in the Grammy's the year that John Mayer was awarded the Best Male Performance Grammy over Bob Dylan and James Taylor, I am a bit skeptical about all awards shows, even now. I spent last night pleading on my knees in front of the television begging for a bit of diversity. It was as though the members of the academy had all cheated off of each other's tests, and when they decided that Lord of the Rings was the best picture of the year, they figured that that meant that it thus had the best costumes, sound editing, [insert any category here] as well. I can just imagine them all getting up from the big table in the board room saying, "Whew- that was easy! Let's go play a round of golf."
I was reminded of the various VH1 countdown shows in which Madonna, miraculously, is at the top of every list; TONIGHT, ON VH1: THE TOP 50 MALE VICTORIAN AUTHORS WHO WROTE A BOOK IN JUNE! And number one is....... MADONNA!!!
Okay, okay- the Oscars weren't that bad, but still. It's a great movie, but it's not that great. It's not Ben Hur great. Few movies are.
I do applaud the selection of Sean Penn for Best Male Actor in a Lead Role. Finally. And hooray for Charlize Theron. (Confidential to Ms. Theron: the dress was great. The only accessory I'd suggest is a pair of frickin' eyebrows. You're welcome.)
And so it goes.

A.Rod-iculous.

2004-02-27T19:26:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've found myself in George Steinbrenner's world of fantasies and lies. This can't be real! Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter on the same frickin' team? Why are we even having baseball this year? Why not just hand them the World Series Trophy right now? This is absolutely ridiculous. And when the dude from SportsCenter asked A.Rod if he thought this trade was good for baseball, he replied, "Well, it's good for the Yankees."

Craziness.

Abstract versus the concrete, you ass-hat.

2004-02-26T19:30:00.003-07:00

Today I was nearly burned at the stake (again) in an Edu. class. It's become clear to the class through my comments in previous classes that I'm a scoach conservative. So today, when the topic of gay marriage and President Bush's intent to ban it, came up in class, I was immediately targeted, and eventually labeled a "bigot". Interestingly, I didn't say a thing today.
After the heated discussion- one other person in class is not liberal- (not conservative, mind you, but just not liberal), everyone talked about how great it is to welcome various points of view into a classroom discussion, and how, as educators, it is essential for us to accept the views of all of our students, not just the ones we agree with.
I fought the urge to raise my hand and say, "I am terrified to speak out in this class and offer my opinion on nearly anything because I am afraid of the backlash- I am also terrified for the future students who will undoubtedly find themselves in my position in your classrooms."
It's easy to talk about democracy in a discussion, just as it's easy to say that freedom of speech is a good thing. But when it comes to actuality, to the point when someone does offer a differing opinion, or does stand up on a soapbox in front of you with a position that you find offensive, things seem to change. Abstract concepts are frighteningly easy to defend- it's incredibly hypocritical to call someone a bigot during a classroom discussion, and then say how great it is that we can all share our differing opinions in such a welcoming classroom environment.
Today's Lesson: Don't be an ass-hat.

2004-02-25T19:17:00.000-07:00

Welcome. So here's the deal: you're not going to like everything that I say. It's up to you to deal with that. I hope that the things I say will offer a different perspective on your lovely little life. That's my intent, really- be the change you wish to see in the world, etc. I think a different point of view or an alternate observation would help you out. So, here we go.